This post is more vulnerable than I tend to be on here, but I know that my struggle isn’t uncommon among women, especially those who are pregnant, so I felt that it was worth sharing.
Last week we had our “maternity photos” taken by a talented friend of mine who was in town for a visit.
I had hesitated to have them done because I am incredibly self-conscious of my appearance right now; however, knowing myself, I realized that I would likely regret not having done this to document our first pregnancy. We decided that even if we didn’t share any of them, it was important to have them taken for our benefit and for our baby girl to see some day.
We had these done the day after my 24-week appointment – the one where I was told that I had gained “too much weight” the past month, therefore making me feel even worse about my weight and appearance. The number I saw on the scale was truly horrifying and one that I never thought that I would ever see. Not exactly what you want to hear before having portraits taken!
It doesn’t help that I was already overweight when I found out I was pregnant (I had actually just lost 11 pounds and was doing really well with losing weight…figures 🙂 ). I was already self-conscious and nervous about gaining weight during pregnancy because of this, so hearing that from the nurses just made me feel *great* about myself. 🙂
I’ve tried to remind myself of a few things over the past 25 weeks:
1 – I am growing a human being. This takes a toll on any pregnant woman’s body.
2 – I am supposed to gain weight, and as long as I am doing my best to be healthy, the number on the scale doesn’t matter (much easier said than believed).
3 – After delivery, breastfeeding and a good diet/exercise will melt the pounds away, and I will be able to work toward being at a healthy weight before the next pregnancy.
4 – My husband loves me no matter what and he still thinks that I am beautiful. He tells me that daily, even though I may not agree 🙂
5 – I have to stop playing the comparison game! It doesn’t matter what other pregnant women look like. It doesn’t matter that they might look “cuter” pregnant than I do. At the end of the day, what matters is that our baby is healthy and I am healthy.
I know that this will be a daily battle for the next few months, especially when comments like the one I received yesterday are received (“you look like you’re ready to go any day!”). But, the most important thing that I can do right now is to just continue eating well and taking care of the growing baby inside of me, no matter what the scale (or my mind) says. That’s all that matters.
Other than the above, I am still feeling GREAT and am so very thankful that pregnancy has been so kind to me thus far. I am having issues sleeping because of hip pain, but Brennan’s massage skills are really helping to calm down the irritated muscles and allowing me to sleep more soundly.
I will be 26 weeks on Sunday and can’t believe that we’re getting so close to meeting her already! My last day of work is less than three months from now…crazy.
No, we do not have a name. Even if we did, we have decided to not share the name until birth for multiple reasons. 🙂
She is kicking and moving around frequently now (ever since 22 weeks), though not strong enough for Brennan to be able to feel yet.
The floor in her room was refinished last weekend thanks to Brennan and our friend Dean! Next is a fresh coat (or coats) of paint in the next few weeks and then decorating.
This is getting real.
Even So, Joy 
I felt the exact same way with my first pregnancy. I had so many rude comments like that. I hated the way I looked. The worst comment came 2 days after giving birth-my husbands aunt (ride aunt with no children) said to my face “Oh Courtney, I hope your body doesn’t stay like that!” I could have died.
Anyway, after feeling so terrible about how I thought I looked with my first pregnancy, I never had that thought again with any of the other pregnancies. The baby at the end makes you not give a rooting toot about how you “think” you look!
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*rude
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Awww 😦 This is definitely one of the harder things about pregnancy (for me anyway…I know there are some genetic unicorns out there who look not-pregnant except for their adorable basketball bellies, but I am not one of those unicorn mommies). ;)That picture of you and Brennan is all love.
I think that you should push back against your Dr. when they give you grief about your weight. That is…if the following things are true:
1) You are eating a diet that is mostly foods in as close to their natural state as possible – ie, not processed, healthy foods, lots of veggies, healthy protein and fat (avocado, coconut oil, pastured butter, etc). Not too much sugar.
2) Your blood sugar is healthy. You’ll likely do a glucose test (if you haven’t already), you can ask for a consult with a gestational diabetes counselor/RD and try to get a glucose meter to check your levels over a period of a few weeks.
3) Your blood pressure is normal/consistent.
4) You are not showing signs of serious swelling.
If all those things are true, I personally would tell your dr to shove it. Or at least suggest that it is not beneficial to the mental and emotional well being of a pregnant lady to give her grief about her weight when there are not legitimate concerns about GD or other conditions (and if the above things are true and you are not a diabetic normally, those things aren’t a big concern). This isn’t the 1950’s when women were expected to be on diuretics throughout their pregnancy to avoid “unnecessary” weight gain. Every woman is different and as long as your diet is healthy it is just seriously ridiculous to be giving you grief about weight at this stage in the game. Not to mention, I find it profoundly disrespectful to the process of carrying on the human race…Gah!
/rant over
– You are lucky to be married to a massage therapist!!
– Keep reminding yourself that you are growing a human being! Focus on directing as much loving energy as you can into that process and appreciating how miraculous it is that God made your body to sustain life this way. Get your hands on as much life-affirming, woman-affirming, pregnancy-affirming literature as you can…My favorite is Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth.
– Finally, I cannot say this enough because of my own personal experience, and it may not apply to you, but just in case…if you feel like your doctor is unresponsive to you, does not click with you (or Brennan!), is unsupportive of your choices or judgmental towards you because of your physical appearance or any other reason, please please please – do not be afraid to look elsewhere. You have time to find another provider and when the time comes to help your girl enter this world, you’re going to want a doctor or midwife in your corner who is supportive, empathetic, and responsive to you and your concerns and wishes.
Okay…so…this is why I don’t comment usually, because hi, I’ve just written half a book.
much love to you from California! 🙂 ❤
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As someone who has never been pregnant, but have seen a lot of pregnant women, I think you look fantastic. But even more than physical beauty, you look so happy in every picture I see, and that makes me incredibly happy for you. As someone who has known you for a long time, even though it has often been from a distance, I think you have always been quite remarkable and deserve everything wonderful in your life. Keep being thankful, thankful for a healthy pregnancy, for a husband who tells you how much he loves you, for family and church and so many amazing blessings. If you weigh all these blessings on the scales, the weight can never be too much. 🙂 I love you, friend, and thank God for you.
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