I had always imagined having boys when I thought about our future children and I felt comfortable with that idea. We even had a boy name picked out pretty early during pregnancy!
Every single “test” we had tried (for fun, not because we put any stock in them) said we were having a boy. Even the “Ajax Test” which my Aunt Becky said has always been right! 😉
So, imagine our shock (one year ago today) to find out during our ultrasound that we were having a girl!
It took me many weeks to get used to the idea of having a girl, and I honestly wasn’t excited. It took me just as long to figure out why.
I started to write the following blog post nearly a year ago and never finished, but I felt that it was worth sharing today.
I read a couple of quotes a month or so ago that go through my mind just about every day now as I am preparing to bring a child into this world:
“Beyond what we could ever say to our children, the greatest teaching tool we have is the example of our own lives.“ – James Robison
“Are you the adult that you want your child to grow up to be?”
I never imagined myself raising a daughter, so despite the fact that we’ve known for almost six weeks that our little baby is a girl, it’s still such a strange thought for me.
It took me awhile to figure out the reason, but I think I know what it is:
I am intimidated at the thought of raising a daughter in today’s world. I am nervous about being the adult that I want her to grow up to be because I am so very aware of my own faults, failures, weaknesses, etc. and I question my ability to parent her well.
I think I wanted boys because, subconsciously, I figured Brennan would have a lot of influence on boys and assumed they would look to him more than to me for an example. Yes, I would have influence, but they would look to him for an example of what a godly man looks like, just like girls would look to me.
Now that I have a girl, I am so thankful. Tori has been such a joy since day one and I am so in love with her. She is beautiful and so sweet!
I no longer feel fearful of raising her; I am more fearful that I won’t have the opportunity.
God has shown me in the past seven months that I am capable of raising a girl because He is my guide. He is my source of strength and wisdom.
For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13 NLT)
Even though Tori is still a baby, God has already used her to bring change to my life and I can’t wait to see how He continues to use her.
Though I never had imagined having a daughter, now I truly cannot imagine my life without Tori, which drives me to prayer even more.
Lord, please let us keep her…but, may Your will be done, no matter the outcome.