I had one of those “I feel like I’m failing” moments yesterday when both babies were fussy (most of the day) and I couldn’t figure out what they needed.
All parents have these moments where we feel like we have no idea what we’re doing. It’s a normal part of this journey.
While I try to not fall into the comparison trap, it happens, especially in those areas in which I am the least confident. It’s SO easy to see another mom with her children (whether online or in person) and compare your performance to hers, making yourself feel disappointed and like a failure. When it comes to social media, it’s likely more “performance” than reality, anyway!
When I finally got them to nap, I had a chance to think. How many of these self-imposed expectations are actually relevant to the care of my babies and how many of them are merely an effort to measure up to my perception of what the perfect mother looks like?
And I realized something important: my babies don’t think that I’m a failure, that I don’t know what I am doing most days.
To them, my presence is enough. I walk into a room and (most of the time) they smile wide. They are thrilled just to be in my arms. So why do I compare myself to unfair, self-imposed ideals and expectations?
They don’t compare like we do because they have NO idea what other moms do. I am the only mother they know! If I were actually failing, they would have absolutely no idea. Therefore, there is no way for them to be disappointed (until much later 😉) in me.
Isn’t that freeing?
My babies delight in me. They love me. And their opinion (meaning what brings them joy, security, and comfort) should be the only one that matters (God and my husband aside) when it comes to parenting them as infants.
THANKFULLY they don’t have social media to show them what other moms are doing with their infants, and I need to remember that. And maybe I need to reduce my social media consumption on days when I’m feeling like that.
This realization is the first of many reminders throughout my life to show grace to myself during these (sometimes difficult) days of infancy with twins. And toddlerhood. And childhood.
After all, their joy is what matters right now, not my comparison to what I think others are doing. ❤️
Even So, Joy 
Lesa, you are a wonderful mother, you were so good with Tori and you are very good with the boys, motherhood is tough and there are times when we put ourselves down, but we really need to look up and thank God for these children he has blessed us with. You and Brennan are wonderful Christian parents. Hang in there. God bless you and your beautiful family.
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If you are looking for a wonderful book to read on this topic (not that you have a ton of extra time right now) Mom Set Free is a great book my church class is going through right now on this kind of idea. it is so good.
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I know as a mom of older kiddos I still struggle. I agree social media makes it worse plus mix in a little sleep deprivation. You are doing a wonderful job. I remind myself often that grace to myself is just as important as the same grace I try to cover others with.
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I am just now catching up with your blog after a long time away from reading and I am struck by how much the twins remind me of Tori! My goodness, they are just gorgeous and I am so happy for you and your family. Being the mom of a 22 and almost 18-year-old they have told me numerous times that they don’t remember me being cross or losing my mind, they remember instead the times we did fun things, watched movies together, played at the park. I can guarantee that I remember all the times I wasn’t patient or kind, they remember all the times I was.
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If you have twin babies and make it to the grocery store at all with or without your babies – I think you are doing pretty great! I would have my groceries delivered for sure, lol.
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That’s right Lesa- just keep doing what you’re doing! You and Brennan are wonderful parents and your boys are absolutely amazing and adorable! I do see Tori in them 🙂 What a beautiful gift from heaven!
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