We were soldiers once, and young

I forgot to mention that my dad and I watched the movie “We Were Soldiers” today…I highly recommend that movie. I enjoy “war” movies, but seldom do they impact me as this one did…OH, how I wish I were in DC, so that I could walk again by the Vietnam Memorial wall and read the names of the soldiers depicted in the movie…

Worn-out…

I have noticed lately that I am not myself…lately I have not been the cheery, energetic young woman I tend to be. Even when it comes to emails, this blog, etc, I am not as creative or thoughtful as usual…I am absolutely worn-out, in every possible sense–emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally…I have so little energy, and I have been trying to simply rest the past few days.

On a much lighter note, I have been reading the “Anne of Green Gables” books again, simply because I have desired to read, yet did not want to read anything academic…they are quite fascinating, though simple, books to read. I am already on the 4th book, in 3 days πŸ™‚

My mom and I watched the “Pageant of Peace and National Christmas Tree Lighting” on CSPAN on Christmas Eve; it was enjoyable, yet only served as a reminder of all that I have left behind in Washington. What a great experience we had there…I do miss that city so! I’ll return soon enough, I suppose.

Christmas was enjoyable, and I had a great time visiting with family I had not seen in almost a year. Of course, the question of whether or not I am to be married soon came up as expected. It was all in fun, and I know that they did not mean to make me feel badly about it, but part of me is still hurt in a way, because I long to find my “match” almost more than anything…I am patient, and I do trust that God has someone for me…yet the waiting grows wearisome. I am waiting, and I will continue to wait. LOL–if everyone else would only wait as patiently! πŸ™‚

I love my family, and we had a great time yesterday, sharing, visiting, etc. My grandparents had me open my birthday present yesterday, though my birthday is still a few days away…and I am so excited! You may laugh, but they got me a professional flat iron for my hair–which costs A LOT of money. I am so excited! I love straightening my hair, and this will do such a great job.

I found out that I am living in the apartment complex I desired for my return to campus…so even though I will be living with new people, I think it will be okay.

Other than that, not much is happening in Red Bluff, as usual. Only 2 weeks until I return to LA and I am looking forward to it…:)

High school

I visited my high school today, for the annual “Holiday Classic” rally…wow. I was amazed…and that is not necessarily a good thing in this case! Was high school really like that when I was there–so superficial, sexual, frivilous? Wow…yeah. I have only been gone 3 years, but it feels like 10.

I did have a good visit with a couple of teachers from high school, and that was great. I did have some great experiences in high school, and I will never forget many of the teachers I had. Good times!

Other than that, things are getting better on the Dad front. He has been remarkably better today, PRAISE THE LORD. We had a great time as a family tonight, something for which I am thankful! We are just so much alike, and I think that is part of the problem…he sees things in me that he doesn’t like, and the problem is that he has those same qualities….that is my guess, anyway.

Not too much happening in good ole Red Bluff–which should not be surprising to anyone! I got my Christmas letter/cards done today, finally.

I really miss my ASP friends! I have been talking to one everyday now, which has been wonderful πŸ™‚ GOOD TIMES!! I am considering going to Chicago for Spring break, but we’ll see how the finances turn out.

This is not a very thought-provoking entry…oh well, we all have those days. Maybe tomorrow will be better!

Some things never change…

Red Bluff, California is not a very exciting place…this is nothing new, however, it is so much more evident to me now that I am back in this little town of 13,000 people. As I drove through town today (a trip which lasted about 10 minutes) I realized that almost nothing has changed. The same ol’ people, same ol’ hangouts…same feel to this town. I feel out of place, to say the least, and perhaps that is because I am no longer the same Lesa Close who left this small town 3 years ago; yet, everyone seems to be basically the same.

I am definitely ready to go back to APU. Things with my dad are no better than when I left last May for Pennsylvania…I thought perhaps he would realize that I am not a child anymore…that I have been through so mcuh and that I have changed so much in the past 7 months…that I am capable of handling my own responsibilities…that I am worthy of respect…I have been here for less than 2 days…and already I feel as if he does not want me to be around…I just don’t understand why he is so upset with me all the time…why I cannot do anything right.

Sigh…somethings never change, no matter how great our desire for that change must be. It can’t be all that bad, can it? ……….

Back in California…

There are many songs that have been written about California…”California dreamin’ on such a winter’s day…” “I wish they all could be California girls…”…many other songs…yet, none to describe how I feel about California right now. It still isn’t real to me that I am back here (perhaps because I arrived at home at 6am EST, 3am PST, LOL.) and I am not sure how I feel.

Last night I left the city of my dreams…as we were driving to Dulles, I looked at the lights of the city one last time, and felt remorse for the things I had neglected to do. I know that I have certainly taken enough pictures to last me a lifetime πŸ™‚ but I wonder if I could have done more, or done things differently…

How is this semester in DC going to affect my future semesters at APU? One thing I know is that I have learned to carefully choose those into whom I will invest my time. My ASP friends have set a benchmark for what friendship should be…and that is a lesson I will never forget.

It is so strange to not be able to walk downstairs and hang out with “the guys.” I feel strange not talking to them everyday (I have to watch that too, because my inclination is to call everyday :)), not hearing how they are doing, how they are feeling, etc. My heart has been so touched by my semester in DC…

My dad and I had a great time in DC. We woke up Sunday morning to about 4 inches of snow…but we still saw everything that we could. We spoke with John Ashcroft on Sunday morning, and Newt on Monday afternoon, which made my dad thrilled. πŸ™‚ We saw the monuments, the Air and Space Museum, the National Archives, Arlington National Cemetery, etc. It was great bonding time! Praise God for that…as our relationship has been incredibly rocky for the past 6-8 years. He liked the “M” (metro) as he called it.

Anyway, much to reflect about, many things to do back here in Red Bluff, California…

Saying goodbye…

“…you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.” How very true…

Today has been incredibly difficult…packing, cleaning, visiting…laughing…crying…can it really be over? Today I spent a great deal of time with my “other apartment” (#1), just talking, listening, reflecting…enjoying their company. I have had few guy-friends like these 5 young men, and leaving them is proving to be harder than I expected…I spent time praying for one of them in particular tonight, as he is facing some uncertainties once he returns home…my heart aches for his situation, and I wish more than anything that I could make the pain go away…

I had to say goodbye to two of my dear friends tonight, with more goodbyes tonight and tomorrow…I hate saying goodbye. Each time I have to say goodbye to someone I love it gets a bit harder. Yet, I know that this is a necessary step in my continuing journey through life…

However, I do not only have to say goodbye to people…I have to say goodbye to this wonderful city which I have come to call “home.” This city so full of life, culture, history…so full of wonder. I have to leave this city which has become so comfortable to go back to Azusa Pacific University, where I have no idea what to expect. Yes, my friends will be there…but they will be different. I am different. Life has gone on without me. I am more and more comfortable with the idea of the unknown, for I know that God knows…therefore, I can trust Him completely and not worry about my life. He is holding me in the palm of His hand, guiding my every step.

My dad comes tomorrow, which will be wonderful…I will be able to take him around “my city,” my home. It will be fun to share my knowledge with someone.

What a semester…thank you, Lord, for such a great semester, with some of the most unforgettable people I have ever met. Thank you…

A semester to never be forgotten…

Tonight we had our farewell banquet…many tears, much laughter…we had a time of affirmation for each person in the program, and it was remarkable…hearing people voice their feelings, how others have impacted their lives…it was SO moving! It has made me realize that I love these people quite possibly more than I have ever loved a group of people (besides my extensive “family” in Williamsport, PA). I am completely drained emotionally. The tears that have been building up inside for the past couple of days have not yet been cried…and I doubt they will for awhile. I have so many fond memories of this amazing city, these amazing people…

To my co-workers at the Gingrich Group: I love you all–and you have no idea how much of an impact you have had on my life. Each one of you have said something, or done something that has stuck with me. I was so close to tears when I left you today…you have given me such an amazing experience here, and I will NEVER forget you all. Thank you for your patience, your understanding, your kindness, your generosity; you are amazing!!!

Mike–Yes, I have thanked you so many times already, and I am yet again at a loss for words, but I will thank you again. You are such an amazing friend…absolutely unforgettable. Thank you for your wise words, your kind heart, your listening ear, your love for life and your ability to make me think in new ways about common subjects. I will never forget you, or the times we have shared in Washington. You mean more to me than you realize.

All of Apartment One–I love you guys. You have made me feel so valued, so respected, so loved throughout this semester. I have had such a great time hanging out in “my other apartment” with you all. You are such godly examples, such amazing young men. I cannot wait to see where God is going to take you! Thank you for investing in my life…and for teaching me so much (that is both a good thing and a bad thing!!)

To my roommates (Apartment 7)–

I was so concerned about who I was going to share these 4 months with before I came to DC…I was so amazed the first conversation we shared, on the roof, where we talked about our fears, our dreams about the semester…you are all incredible women who have all impacted my life, my thinking, my faith in one way or another. Thank you for putting up with my silliness! i know that I am unique (LOL) and I appreciate your love and kindness towards me. πŸ™‚ You are so wonderful and I love you!!

My last night here at ASP with everyone…I must go enjoy it fully!

Countdown to California: 4 days (I think)

Emotions…

It has been a long time since I have been this emotional…I have come so close to tears so many times today! i am not a crier by any means…I can go months at a time without shedding a tear. This semester I have cried once. Yet today I am still on the verge of tears. What is it about this semester that I am so reluctant to leave behind? Why am I so saddened at the thought of leaving?

Newt came and personally said goodbye to me today, and he said that he has really enjoyed working with me, that I am great, and that he is sorry to see me leave…though that REALLY helped me to not want to cry! 😦

Worship tonight was much needed…I needed to enter into the presence of God tonight, to be in awe and wonder of all that He has done in my life. It is absolutely amazing to think that the Creator of the universe cares about me…I am so grateful…

I think I’ll head down to Apartment 1 to try to write my paper…I seem to be able to focus in there better than most places in the building…yeah, and I also love these guys so much! πŸ™‚

Countdown to California: 5 days…

WOW!!!!

Oh my goodness…can I just say that tonight was absolutely AMAZING?! I went to see the Iraqi National Symphony Orchestra play with the National Symphony Orchestra. Yo-Yo Ma was also there and played! But that isn’t even the best part. President Bush and Laura were in attendance, as were most of his cabinet. Tonight I saw Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleezza Rice, Colin Powell (he spoke as well), Paul Wolfowitz, Frank Menetta…and probably more.

I SHOOK COLIN POWELL’S HAND!!! As we were walking down the stairs to leave we came to the tier where the Prez and his cabinet were sitting…and I saw Secretary Powell…so I went over with my friend Nate to shake his hand. He was SO nice! πŸ™‚ I am just so amazed…a great night with good friends, great music and great people in attendance. I have been SO blessed!

I have now:

Met John Ashcroft (twice)

Met Colin Powell

Seen the President 4 times

Seen Laura Bush 2 times

Worked with Newt Gingrich

Seen Speaker Hastert

Seen many senators and representatives

Seen House Majority Leader Bill Frist

Seen Donald Rumsfeld

Seen Condoleezza Rice

i am sure that the list is longer…but I can’t remember. Now I must WRITE MY PAPER!!!

Heat wave!!

I just wanted to say that we are having a heatwave today! It is 47 F today–wow! It honestly feels warm to me…that is so weird. In Los Angeles it has been in the 80’s in the past couple of weeks…that is going to be HOT for me. Oh well.

Tonight is going to be awesome–I am going to see the Iraqi National Symphony Orchestra with the National Symphony Orchestra and Yo-Yo Ma at the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts with some ASP friends. I love music, especially symphonic pieces, and what makes this even better is the fact that I spent 5 weeks studying Iraq and now I will hear their symphony! Also, my parents are buying me and my closest friends pizza tonight, so that I can celebrate my birthday in Washington. My parents are great! They have supported me financially the entire semester, and they never stop giving of themselves. They knew how much it would mean to me to celebrate my birthday early with dear friends (My birthday is December 31st).

Back to work…when Newt is in the office, things are crazy busy. So much to do!