The What or The Who (Not the Band)

Last week’s sermon hasn’t left my mind much since I heard it.

The focus was on 2 Corinthians 5:14-16, 19-20.

“Either way, Christ’s love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them. So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now!

For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!””

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5:14-16, 19-20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This passage highlights a few important things for our life on this earth:

  • Christ’s love should control us. Not influence us, but CONTROL everything we are and do.
  • We are ultimately here to help people know Jesus and to see them as He sees them.
  • We are ambassadors entrusted with this great work!

The pastor commented that so often in this life we (are taught to) stress about the answer to the question, “what am I here for?

We wonder if we’re accomplishing that which we are here to do, and we often allow that question to cause unnecessary anxiety and fear. “What is my purpose? What if I never find it?” We allow that to drive our choices and actions.

I know people who have left their “secular” career to do something more “spiritual” while missing the fact that God needed them exactly where they were to be a light for Him (#MissionalLiving).

Instead of focusing on what we should be doing, the pastor said that we should be focusing on this question: “For whom am I here?

Who, not what.

Who has God placed in our sphere of influence? Our family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers are our purpose here.

Most importantly, we should never pursue the “what” at the expense of the “who” because EVERYTHING we do is just an excuse or a platform to lead others to Jesus. Everything.

We all have gifts and strengths and we have roles to play with those gifts and strengths; and we all have stories that others need to hear. God can use any job, any situation for His purposes, if we allow Him to do so.

In closing, he encouraged us to ask God to breathe mission into our current life and circumstances instead of asking Him to change them, to be content with the what and focus on the who.


This is relevant to me in a unique way:

Lately I’ve been struggling with being content with the sales of my book. Numbers. Rankings. Influence. This part of my journey has not gone as I expected.

Before it went to press, I had a modest goal in mind, one that I deemed easily – and quickly – attainable. I poured my heart into telling Tori’s story and it is the most vulnerable thing I have ever done. Her life and the lessons learned from her life matter and I just knew that I would sell thousands and thousands of copies!

As of today I have only reached 10% of that goal. Ten.

(I don’t tell you that to make you feel guilty if you haven’t bought it – though I wouldn’t mind if you did decide to buy it! 😉 There’s a point to all of this.)

Of course, I’m humbly thrilled that ANYONE has wanted to read it, and each sale means that someone new has learned about Krabbe, about Tori, and about our Heavenly Father. THAT is what matters.

But, if I am honest, I am also disappointed because I thought I would sell more given the number of people who have followed Tori from the beginning.

I’m human, after all. Pride sneaks in when we least expect to see it. I worked hard on the book and emotionally invested myself in it, so I obviously want it to “succeed” in terms of high numbers. But is that success?

I had been trying to brainstorm how to increase sales, how to market it on a greater scale (with zero dollars) in order to get the numbers up. It began to consume my thoughts (when I wasn’t caring for babies).

And then I heard that sermon last weekend and I understood what the Lord was asking of me:

Do I really trust the God of the universe to put my book in the hands of those who truly need the message? Is it about the number sold or about the soul reading it?

As one of my favorite songs says, “You’ve brought me this far, why would I question You now?” He opened the doors for it to be published, but do I trust His intentions? Yes. I just needed to be reminded, to refocus.

It’s not about numbers, it’s not about selling millions (though that would be incredible): it’s about my obedience in telling our story and allowing God to use it as He sees fit. Him, not me.

It’s so much more than just book sales. My book is just another way – not the only way – God is using my circumstances, my story, my faith, and my life to reconcile people to Him.

I have to remember this. Daily. And whenever I am tempted to be concerned with the numbers (often), I need to surrender it all to the One who is in control. And I need to pray that He will continue to use my life for His Kingdom and glory.

That’s what it’s all about.

Even When Plans Fail, There’s Joy…

This entire book process has made us laugh so many times because nothing has gone as expected.

But, our launch party was going to be smooth and perfect! The plans were set and everything was going to happen as we expected…

Or not 😉

When we arrived at the venue, no one was there to open it for us. We waited and waited, tried to contact the owners (who are out of town and this isn’t their fault at all!). It was cold and rainy, but we thought we could just do it in the courtyard outside the cafe.

Brennan’s sister, Kelly, had the idea to go around the corner to the movie theatre (CocoaPlex) to see if they could help, and they said we could set up in the lobby! 🍿 🎥 So we made a note (thanks, Gina!), moved our party over there, and had a great time! We had wanted a unique venue, and how much more unique can you get than the lobby of a movie theatre?! 😉 And, it was FREE, so we appreciated that!

We just happened to have a table in our van that worked well for signing books, and the bench in the lobby made a perfect display area.

As my book says many times, joy is a CHOICE, and tonight we chose to roll with the unexpected and make the most out of the evening…and it was GREAT. ❤

Thanks to all who came out to celebrate with us! Thanks to Karen for the amazing cupcakes! And huge thanks to CocoaPlex for allowing us to use your lobby!

 

 

Tori’s Day of Triumph – March 27th

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Next Tuesday is BIG – it’s the second anniversary of Tori’s “relocation” to Heaven and we have so many awesome things in store for her Day of Triumph/Triumph Day!

  • Lesa’s radio interview with Autumn Miles airs (3:30pm in Dallas (100.7 FM), but online as well)!
  • Tori’s Triumph” – the documentary by Blink Motion Productions – debuts online! We will post a YouTube link that day, or you can look for it (and watch the trailer) here.
  • Even So, Joy” book launch party in Hershey! 6:30-8:30pm at the Cafe on Cocoa (1130 Cocoa Avenue, Hershey), and we will go LIVE on Tori’s Facebook Page at 7:00pm during the Q&A portion of the launch!  
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    If you haven’t already purchased Tori’s story in book form, it’s on all major book websites (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iBooks, CBD, etc.) and we will have copies at the launch party for purchase as well. 
    Lesa Brackbill, Author is my official Facebook author page if you want to follow it!

    We are going to celebrate that Tori has been Krabbe-free for TWO YEARS, that she has been able to laugh, smile, run, play, EVERYTHING she couldn’t do here on earth, and we hope that you will join us! ❤ And please help us spread the word – we’re fighting against social media algorithms and need your help!

Unexpected Emotions

I (finally) received my first copy of my published book today!

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As I held it in my hands I was overwhelmed by two emotions: joy and heartache. 

How fitting that the quote I chose for the back of the book talks about that very conflict.

I felt such joy at knowing that my hard work had paid off, that Tori’s story was finally being told in more depth than ever before, and that new people will learn about her and about Krabbe. I’m finding such unexpected joy in being able to say I’m an AUTHOR. 

But, then I was filled with sorrow because I never should have had to write this book in the first place. No one should lose their child, especially to a disease like Krabbe. I would do anything to have Tori back, healthy, running around like an almost-four-year-old would be doing. Anything.

I allowed myself to embrace the tears (likely also caused by pregnancy hormones 😉 ) for a few moments and then I reminded myself of what I know to be true: that all is well. And I focused on the joy that she brought to our lives, the knowledge that she is in Heaven and we will be with her soon (but not quite yet, as Jim Kelly likes to say), and on the fact that God is going to continue to use her – and us – to save lives as we fight on for Newborn Screening for Krabbe. 


As of now, my book is sitting at #1,336 overall on Amazon. That sounds far from #1, but it’s far higher than 8,000,000 (the number of books for sale on Amazon). It’s also the #1 new release in the Christian Families category. And we are blown away. While we don’t yet know how this translates into numbers of books sold, we’re humbled at these stats.

Numbers matter because Tori matters, because increased awareness is based on the number of people who know about Krabbe, and because numbers will generate revenue for us to donate to Hunter’s Hope. 

So, if you haven’t picked up a copy (or several), please do. It would mean so much to us.

Here’s the Amazon link!

It’s Not About The Money

Cover_lNow that my book is available for pre-order, it feels slightly weird to promote it. I worked for nearly three years on this project, and yet I am hesitant to post about it.

Most of us are raised to be humble, to not ever come across as self-promoting or a braggart. We’ve somehow received the message that you can’t talk about the things you’ve done. The problem with this is that there’s a difference between arrogant bragging and joyful accomplishment. 

One of my favorite authors, Jon Acuff, has talked about this many times. To paraphrase him, if I don’t share about my book/work, WHO WILL? 

One of the aspects that makes it far easier to share about my book is this: I am making hardly anything off of it. Does that surprise you? Most authors make around 10-20% from the purchases of their books. Brennan and I will make less than $2 per book before taxes, AND we’re donating a portion of that $2 directly to Hunter’s Hope Foundation. 

For us, it’s not about the money – it’s about the mission.

The mission is to make Krabbe known by any means possible, to hopefully increase awareness and multiply the Newborn Screening states (currently only SIX screen), and to provide as much money to Hunter’s Hope Foundation as possible as they advocate for Newborn Screening and support leukodystrophy families.

And, of course, to tell Tori’s story in hopes of encouraging others.

That’s why I wrote this. 

It’s not about the money (though we wouldn’t complain, of course! 😉 ) – it’s about awareness.

So, if you’d like to purchase Even So, Joy you can do so directly through the publisher (for now) or through Amazon.

You may see me posting about this often, and that’s simply because of the algorithms of Facebook and other platforms. Some see all my posts, some see none. By posting often, I hope most will see it at least once!

Please help us spread the word and #MakeKrabbeKnown and leave book reviews on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, GoodReads, etc. once it’s available!

Use the hashtag #EvenSoJoy if you share on social media!

Busy Summer and a Much Needed Update

I haven’t blogged much this summer and that has partially been intentional, partially not. Brennan and I have been traveling, working many weekends at MHS, spending time with family and friends, helping with church activities, doing photography for an amazing camp, hosting many RYFO bands, and so much more. We’ve been enjoying life and, though busy, it has been restful and refreshing.

We’re overdue for an update, so here’s what we’ve been up to:

Writing: It has felt good to not pressure myself to write, but to only do so when inspired. I have been writing for a new site that launched in July, as well. Check out The Transcend Project for some great articles about life as a Christian and life in Harrisburg, PA from several different authors. I’ve also been working on my book and the manuscript is almost completed. I have likely found an agent, my book proposal is in process, and we’re still hoping to start pitching the book by October.

The House: Our kitchen is finished and it is stunningly beautiful. We are hoping to list the house by the end of August, which means a lot of work needs to be done in order to be ready for showings (i.e. I need to put my stuff away 😉 ).

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(For those who aren’t aware, we bought our home 3.5 years ago with the intent to flip it and sell it; it was bank-owned so we paid far less for it than it is worth. If we sell the house, we can pay off our student loans – $50,000 – and be debt free. Even though we love our home, we will love being debt free even more, and it will allow us to live life so much more freely than we currently can.)

If you’re looking to buy a home in the Colonial Park/Lower Paxton area, we know of a great one that will soon be for sale! 😉

Children: We so desperately want to be parents again, but there are serious genetic risks if we conceive naturally (Krabbe may be a recessive gene, but it is aggressive and it’s very likely that we’d have another baby with Krabbe). We have some options, but they are all incredibly expensive and we simply can’t afford them at the moment. We’ve had some setbacks in that area and it has been incredibly disappointing. BUT, God is sovereign and we continue to follow Him and trust His timing.

Tori’s headstone was placed around her birthday and it is beautiful:

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Her tree was also planted at The Hershey Gardens:
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Work: As if I need anything else on our plate, after consideration and prayer, I decided that it would be wise to get a part time job since we don’t know when (or if) we will be having more children. I accepted a position today at The Hotel Hershey and will start at the end of August. It will only be 2-3 days per week with the option to pick up additional hours to assist my co-workers, which will still allow me the flexibility I need to continue to write, lobby, do photography, and serve the community with our church.

Newborn Screening: There is another Advisory Panel meeting in two weeks and I will be attending. I will give a full update just like last time.

Brennan is running in the Hershey Half Marathon in October with many other people from our church. He wanted to run the race in Tori’s honor and he is working hard to make this happen. Please pray for his training, that he would build the required endurance and that he would finish the race well.

Please continue to pray for Brennan and I for these things – especially the book (for favor from the publishers), the house (that it sells quickly and for the amount needed to pay off our student loans), and future children (that we can have them).

We are doing well, continuing to praise the Lord for the gift that Tori was, and learning to live life without her by our side. God is good, God is faithful, and God is sovereign.