We are asked fairly often if we are angry at God or frustrated with Him.
We can honestly say no. We are not.
Are we curious to know why this is happening? Of course.
Do we have our moments of sorrow and frustration at our circumstances? Definitely.
But anger at God has not been and is not currently something we are experiencing.
God is God and we are not.
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.” Isaiah 55:8
As I wrote before, we trust God completely and, even though we don’t like what is happening, we know that we will eventually (even if in Heaven) understand why this happened. We know beyond any doubt that He is trustworthy, faithful, and loving.
We know that He will be glorified through her life no matter how long we have her here on earth.
This doesn’t mean that we are “okay” with Tori’s situation, blindly accepting it without emotion. But, it does mean that it’s “okay” in the sense that we know that God is in control, we know that He loves us – and her – and we know that He has an amazing plan for all of our lives. We are unable to comprehend His plan at this moment, but we trust that He has one.
We are filled with His peace that exceeds all that we understand. There is no earthly reason for us to be so at peace with all of this – it is absolutely from God. Being at peace doesn’t mean that we are okay with any of this, but it means that we trust the One who knows all and created all. We trust Him fully with our precious Tori and know that He loves her even more than we do. We know that He eventually uses all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).
It is a moment-by-moment process of surrendering all of this to Him and choosing to not worry, to not be angry, and to continue to hope that He will choose to heal her here on earth. He is more than able, and nothing is impossible for Him (Luke 1:37)!
The daily reading for today is from Psalm 66, and it is so fitting for our situation, and for this question:
Psalm 66
1 Shout joyful praises to God, all the earth!
2 Sing about the glory of his name!
Tell the world how glorious he is.
3 Say to God, “How awesome are your deeds!
Your enemies cringe before your mighty power.
4 Everything on earth will worship you;
they will sing your praises,
shouting your name in glorious songs.”5 Come and see what our God has done,
what awesome miracles he performs for people!
6 He made a dry path through the Red Sea,[a]
and his people went across on foot.
There we rejoiced in him.
7 For by his great power he rules forever.
He watches every movement of the nations;
let no rebel rise in defiance. Interlude8 Let the whole world bless our God
and loudly sing his praises.
9 Our lives are in his hands,
and he keeps our feet from stumbling.
10 You have tested us, O God;
you have purified us like silver.
11 You captured us in your net
and laid the burden of slavery on our backs.
12 Then you put a leader over us.[b]
We went through fire and flood,
but you brought us to a place of great abundance.13 Now I come to your Temple with burnt offerings
to fulfill the vows I made to you—
14 yes, the sacred vows that I made
when I was in deep trouble.
15 That is why I am sacrificing burnt offerings to you—
the best of my rams as a pleasing aroma,
and a sacrifice of bulls and male goats. Interlude
16 Come and listen, all you who fear God,
and I will tell you what he did for me.
17 For I cried out to him for help,
praising him as I spoke.
18 If I had not confessed the sin in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened.
19 But God did listen!
He paid attention to my prayer.
20 Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer
or withdraw his unfailing love from me.
Praise God who does not ignore our prayers or withdraw His unfailing love from us.
Even So, Joy 
Wonderful post. Praying for you and your family.
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What a wonderful testimony…one brought on by trials & troubles I cannot even fathom, but one of utmost faith & trust in The One who does understand. God bless you as you walk this path with such grace & dignity, shining His light as you go.
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Lesa and Brennan, your faithfulness is inspiring. While I continue to pray for a miracle for Tori, I am growing closer to God because of the faith I see in you. Thank you.
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Your unwaivering faithfulness is inspiring and humbling. As many of us fall for lesser struggles than you continue to overcome. Thank you for continuing to share your heart. My prayers continue to be with you.
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Lisa and Brennan- I CAN RELATE!! I have screamed this so many times, I am so angry at you God! Why? I am ashamed at how many times I have felt this way and honestly on a bad day it still happens. I know my situation is not the same, but similar in a lot of respects. December 21, 2013 my little guy, Ethan (only 3 years old) became very ill. Upon being transported to the Children’s Hospital in DC, we were given the diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes! It is scary. While my son, if he takes care of himself, can live a long and healthy life still has the risk every day of dying. Many of my friends call me mellow dramatic, but its a truth that no parent wants to think of and its a reality nonetheless.
My heart broke into a million pieces hearing the diagnosis. Knowing, our lives as parents were about to drastically change but his life would be changed FOREVER. Gone were the days of just simply feeding him without having to map and count everything he ate. Gone were the days where he could eat and not have to get a shot. Gone were the days where we don’t have to worry about his blood sugar dropping to dangerous levels when he went outside to play. FEAR and I mean a fear I never thought I could move on from paralyzed my body. Worry that if I slept at night, I would lose him because of a low blood sugar and he wouldn’t wake up because he didn’t understand what was going on. And a great sadness that just took over my soul, knowing that my normal, perfect little boy would have a life long struggle with a disease that is relentless- so many complications and scary medical problems that left me completely breathless. I knew right then, I was going to be changed- either for better or for worse but it was going to be up to me how much and in what direction. I allowed myself to slip away, to become stressed, depressed, miserable, sleepless, fearful, worried, and anxiety driven. I allowed my life to be removed from my faith in God because I was afraid of our church’s nursery not being able to handle my son with diabetes or that someone would absently give him something he can’t have and he’d be right back to square one in the hospital. I allowed irrational fear to consume my life. I lost friends, I stopped seeking help, and I basically went into myself.
Then shortly before your precious Tori was diagnosed God came knocking on my door. “You have been away far too long my child” and I cried the most purifying cry I have ever cried. A cry that cleansed my soul and renewed my spirit to fight! My God deserves better and my child deserves a mom to show him how to fight! I know my post is long but I what I want to say is thank you, because you and Brennan have renewed a spirit in me that I can’t explain. I understand your family better than you can ever imagine and to see your overwhelming faith and support of each other has truly been a blessing! Not a day goes by that you are not in my prayers! Remain faithful, restore your soul even when you get weary, and know you have 1000’s of prayer warriors holding you up!
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You are and always be wrapped in the comfort of God’s great love
for “Tori” and as her parents. Your writings come straight from the
heart!!! Love and Prayers!!!
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You continue to live raw and real testimonies of Jesus’ love and power in the midst of a fallen world. Thank you. I too have thought and felt it senseless to be angry at God, as like you, I know that I know that I know that He is good, loving and trustworthy. But yes, that doesn’t mean I don’t get weary at conditions in this world on this side of heaven, nor that I don’t have questions. It is a gift though to be able to in the midst of suffering cling to a God whom I know has my best interests at heart. You know that I have seen and lived through a lot of suffering in my line of work, as well as in situations involving family, so God has taught me through the decades. Nonetheless, you still have strengthened me by your words and testimony. I say it again, “Obrigada! (Thank you in Portuguese).”
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You are a Blessing to us all.
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