I keep trying to figure out how all of this makes me feel so that I can remember it in future years. Most of us have never experienced anything like … Continue reading Quarantine Day 17 of 58
As we wrote last week (see post here), we’ve been collecting giraffes since this summer in celebration of Tori turning five in Heaven. As of tonight we had 566 giraffes … Continue reading Hershey Bears’ Teddy Bear Toss Game 2019
We all have preconceived notions and expectations about what our lives will look like. For me, I always assumed that I’d marry fairly young and have a family (like generations … Continue reading I’m Not the Mom I Thought I’d Be
This is the transcript from a devotional I led today at MOTS at LCBC. Lately I’ve been studying the importance of remembering as I prepare to write again. I’m not … Continue reading Gratitude Requires Effort
Two days ago I wrote this about how unexpected expenses (this week being a $413 car repair) keep eating into our budget and making things so tight for us. I … Continue reading God Always Provides
Lately we’ve been hit by multiple unexpected expenses that have thwarted our efforts to be “gazelle intense” and become debt free. It’s been discouraging, to say the least. Each time … Continue reading Disappointment or Gratitude
I often see moms post about how sad they are that their babies are not newborns and tiny anymore, or sad that another year has gone by, and perhaps I could have related to that feeling a few years ago.
But, I just can’t relate to it now. I realize that my perspective is different than most, which is why I feel like I need to share it, especially this month.
I’m not sad that our boys are bigger, or that they are continually learning and doing new things. I doubt that I will ever look back with tears and want to go back to those newborn days.
I’m thrilled and delighted that they are ABLE to get bigger. That they are ABLE to grow and learn. Why am I delighted?
Because Tori wasn’t given that opportunity. Because Krabbe robbed her, and us, of a normal childhood. She stayed little, like a newborn, for her entire existence. She never learned to talk, walk, laugh, play.
We would do anything, anything, to have her here today, in full five-year-old glory.
And it is with that perspective and passion that I write, parent, and live.
I am truly overwhelmed with gratitude, amazement, and joy with every new milestone reached, and I don’t look back at their newborn pictures with sadness (disbelief that they were ever that small, amazement at how far they’ve come, but not sadness). Part of that is because newborn twins are seriously challenging and I don’t want to go back to that phase, but it’s mostly because of Tori, our precious baby girl who was taken from us too soon. I LOVE watching them learn and grow as healthy little men.
What makes me sad is that there are babies born each year with a treatable condition but that their ZIP code determines whether they have a chance to live or not.
What makes me sad is that families like ours, families with so much love for their children, have to say “see you later” to their child and be separated from them until we get to Heaven.
I fight for Newborn Screening for Krabbe because I don’t want anyone else to go through what we’ve experienced. I want babies born with Krabbe to have the same opportunity for life as any healthy baby. I want their parents to be able to see their children achieve typical milestones. I want their children to grow up.
I know motherhood is challenging and it’s easy to be frustrated. I get it. I have my moments like anyone else. However, in those moments I remember that not every child gets to grow up, like my Tori, and I remind myself that I have so much for which to be thankful.
I pray that you can do the same. ❤