Today Caleb broke the handle off of my favorite coffee mug. This mug was given to me while Tori was sick and I love that it has both giraffes and a phrase about motherhood.

I’m not sure if he threw it or dropped it, but it made me sad and frustrated because he chose to not listen to me and ran into the kitchen with it. Like two-year-olds do.

As I tried to glue it back together I realized that the common metaphor about broken things applies so well to our life right now. I hope that the mug is stronger now, but it will not be the same ever again. It has scars, cracks, evidence of pain.

We’ve lost a child and we’ve lost four embryos. Yes, we choose joy and gratitude and are so thankful for our precious Tori and her brothers. But we are still saddened about the loss of those embryos in March. We found out about the loss right before COVID-19 quarantine began, so it’s been a very strange four months for us.

We know that God is good, we know He loves us, but we still wish we could know why He allowed those embryos to go to Heaven so soon. Maybe we will find out someday. In the meantime, we hope to become stronger because of our scars ❤️