The Hardest Thing

There are very few things I haven’t been able to accomplish or obtain in life with a little hard work and perseverance.  This applies to nearly everyone who is willing to work hard in life. We live in a world where so much is possible for those who pursue their dreams!

This is not to say that things have always gone my way, but I have rarely been in situations so out of my control that there was nothing I could do to change the outcome.

Until now.

As I have pleaded with the Lord to spare Tori, as I have tried to bargain with Him (I’m human, after all) and convince Him that He should allow her to be healed here on earth, it has occurred to me more than once that this situation is so unbelievably out of my control. 

There is literally nothing that I can do to change the outcome.  

I cannot find words for my desperation. I often fall silent when I attempt to pray. 

When I look at her precious face and I watch month after month as Krabbe changes her outward appearance (eyes more closed, face becoming more relaxed) as well as her inner functions, I feel so desperate. So powerless.

No amount of money can fix her damaged brain.

No amount of love can restore her to perfect health.

No amount of hard work and effort can make a difference in her nervous system.

I have never felt so powerless in my entire life.

Nothing…except God.

As we have said before, we will desperately pray for her complete healing until she is healed here or in Heaven. 

But we also recognize that God’s plan could be bigger than anything our earthly minds can conceive, and we choose to surrender to His sovereign and wise plan.

But, God…

This is the meaning of true surrender, of total trust. I have no choice but to place her in HIS hands because there is nothing on earth that can save her.

But He can.

Until His plan is revealed, we will love her fiercely, live life abundantly, and choose joy daily. She is worth it.

7 thoughts on “The Hardest Thing

  1. It is so hard to accept that our plan may not be God’s plan…. We have all done that. But whatever is God’s plan, we know he loves us, is looking out for us, and will take care of us!

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  2. That powerless feeling is SO VERY HARD, especially when it comes to our children! But Tori has such a POWERFUL GOD and she is in HIS HANDS! I continue to pray with you for her healing and for you and Brendon as you continue to serve God Faithfully and put your trust in HIM!

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  3. As always, thank you for being such a positive influence in the world. My faith is my rock and although I fall down many times my God always forgives and sends His angels to strengthen me.
    You are angels in this world. Our God is using you to accomplish His lessons of Loving despite the sorrows.
    I pray for your continued strength every day……..You are loved and Tori is so Blessed to have such wonderful parents. We are Blessed by you all……….With so much love,
    Linda

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  4. Lisa and Brennan, I know you struggle daily searching for answers because as you said “you are human”. We know only God has the answer and He has a plan. My prayer is that it will be His will to heal Tori on this earth but all we can do is pray and I know there are thousands praying for the three of you.

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