This morning I received emails from two long-time friends, both offering prayerful encouragement that they felt the Lord leading them to type. They had no idea why they were prompted to write, but they faithfully did.
The first message said this:
I was outside praying this morning…it is still dark here and the stars and planets are beautiful. I was praying specifically for you, Tori and Brennan. At the moment when I asked Him to remember you, a gorgeous shooting star painted the sky right in front of me. I was already crying and just felt that was a beautiful affirmation. I know everything is so hard…please never doubt that He sees you, He loves you all, and He hasn’t forgotten you. Even now He is in control. I know you already know this. I just wanted to share that with you. ♡ ” Cast all of your cares upon Him, for He cares for you” ♡
The second spoke words of Scripture over us as a family and prayed that His perfect love would cast out all fear.
And it was needed.
I had one of the worst dreams of my life last night: the first – and hopefully the last – dream about Tori dying.
Don’t you love how our dreams are wildly out of our control?
In the dream, she went peacefully but suddenly – we weren’t expecting it in the moment. She didn’t seem to be struggling. She was just suddenly gone.
I kept thinking she was just sleeping. That she would wake up. But she didn’t.
The humorous thing was that we put her body in a giant gum ball machine and filled it with giant colorful gum balls for some reason. Our brains are so crazy when we sleep! I was thankful for the humor in the midst of such a terrible dream.
I was in a trance in the dream as we struggled to make arrangements and spread the news, but I was somehow able to do it all. That’s what I have heard from other Krabbe parents – that somehow you get through it all despite the intense grief.
Seeing her dead, even in the dream, shook me. We know this is the likely outcome but that doesn’t mean we are ready. Are you ever actually ready to lose a child?
Each time another Krabbe warrior goes to be with Jesus it is a harsh reminder of the path we are walking. Just this morning we learned that precious Addilyn passed away after four years of fighting Krabbe. Please pray for her family.
As the dream continued, we chose to have headstones in both California and Pennsylvania for some reason. We buried her in one of those places but I don’t know which. That was fitting because, as we have tried to talk through our plan should she not be healed on earth, we have no idea what we will do.
We have planned much of her “celebration of life” service (and it will be that – a celebration!), but are still stuck with what to do with her physical body. It is as if our brains rebel at the slightest thought of having to decide between burial (and with that, where?) and cremation.
The point of this post is two-fold: to share the dream but to also encourage you.
I don’t think this dream was prophetic or from God in any way (and I certainly pray it wasn’t!) but the encouragement from my friends was.
When the Lord prompts you to do something or say something, do it. Say it. Even when it doesn’t make sense. Let Him use you to bless others in amazing ways.
We will continue to pray that this dream never comes true, even though we know that Krabbe=death unless it is caught at birth. We continue to trust God fully, knowing that He will redeem this in His own way, in His own time. ❤️
And we pray to never have a dream like that again.