I have often pondered over the past fourteen months whether it is “better” (as if there is any good way) to lose a child suddenly or over time.
To lose one suddenly and unexpectedly means that they usually don’t suffer and it is quick, but you don’t always get to say goodbye.
To lose one over time, as we did, means that you watch them deteriorate and you grieve for an undetermined period of time. But, you can cherish each moment and make purposeful memories with them, grieving along the way.
I now know that the way we lost Tori is the “better” way.
We have no regrets about how we lived out her life. We knew we only had her for a short time on this earth and we treasured every moment.
Yes, we loved our adventures with her and loved checking off Bucket List items; but, what we loved most of all was that we spent hundreds – maybe thousands – of hours holding her, cuddling with her, loving her. It was our favorite thing to do.
We chose joy – and continue to do so – and when she left this earth yesterday we were somewhat ready (is any parent ever fully ready? No.).
We feel immense peace that is from the Lord alone.
We will absolutely go through the grieving process again, but I think (probably wrongly) it will be a little easier this time (as opposed to the past fourteen months of our lives) because we know she is healed. She is happy. She is in the best possible place and is with Jesus.
We cannot express how stressful the past few months have been at times, as caring for her became increasingly intense and she began having “episodes” of turning slightly blue on occasion. Overall she was doing well still, but there were moments of panic in the last month.
It is going to take months to recover from the level of stress we have lived on.
We thought Tori was going to live longer, but we are so thankful that she didn’t suffer. She was never sick! She never had seizures. She was only hospitalized one time. She was so fortunate in so many ways and we know that God protected her.
God is great, faithful, gracious, and loving. We trust His plan and can’t wait to see how He continues to use Tori.
We are so thankful that God gave Victoria to us and we know that she will continue to change lives. ❤️