A dear friend shared an incredible insight three months ago and I started to blog about it then. However, I never finished the post.
Tonight, as I was preparing to go to bed, something reminded me about this and it occurred to me that this message is even more relevant to us today, months later, now that Tori is in Heaven.
She sent me this message in December and it has impacted me greatly tonight:
One of the passages of Scripture I have pondered since Tori was diagnosed was 2 Samuel 12, where David is told that his baby would die.
My husband preached a few days ago about David begging, pleading, fasting, and praying for the life of his child. And God said no.
This is where we see the David being a man after God’s heart thing in action. David gets up, washes, dresses, eats, and then goes to worship God.
I get so angry about the small things. My trust falters. My fist has shook towards the heavens.
And here is a father, who has lost his child, praising God not in exchange for a miracle. But just because of who He is and is worthy of our praise.
I know you have your moments. But I see this heart of worship being built in you.
After the loss, David was given Solomon.
The world is still impacted over these two babies.
Here is the scripture passage:
“David begged God to spare the child. He went without food and lay all night on the bare ground. The elders of his household pleaded with him to get up and eat with them, but he refused.
Then on the seventh day the child died.
David’s advisers were afraid to tell him. “He wouldn’t listen to reason while the child was ill,” they said. “What drastic thing will he do when we tell him the child is dead?”
When David saw them whispering, he realized what had happened. “Is the child dead?” he asked. “Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”
Then David got up from the ground, washed himself, put on lotions, and changed his clothes. He went to the Tabernacle and worshiped the LORD.
After that, he returned to the palace and was served food and ate. His advisers were amazed. “We don’t understand you,” they told him. “While the child was still living, you wept and refused to eat. But now that the child is dead, you have stopped your mourning and are eating again.”
David replied, “I fasted and wept while the child was alive, for I said, ‘Perhaps the LORD will be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But why should I fast when he is dead? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me.” (2 Samuel 12:16-23)
What I hadn’t considered until this friend mentioned it was this: the story didn’t end there.
After David lost his son, he was blessed with another son – Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived.
David’s greatest legacy was still to come.
Then David comforted Bathsheba, his wife, and slept with her. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son, and David named him Solomon.
(2 Samuel 12:24)
Brennan and I discussed yesterday how strange it is that we haven’t felt the deep sorrow (yet?) we imagined that we would after losing Tori.
We realize that grief is a process, but we truly believe that we grieved deeply over the last fourteen months while we had the knowledge that she would leave us far too soon.
Her final breath brought us closure. It brought us peace.
Tonight I realized that – without even trying to do so – like David, we have risen from our knees and are praising Him for all He has done.
This hasn’t been intentional or a conscious action (and we certainly aren’t spiritual superheroes or anything like that) – we are simply overcome by His undeniable presence and the incredible workings of His hands to orchestrate Tori’s miraculous death. We can’t help but praise Him as we marvel at all of the details and the amazing things He has done (we will blog soon about that).
Like David, we pleaded and begged for Tori’s life to be spared, for us to be able to enjoy our precious baby on earth for the rest of our lives. We begged Him for fourteen months and waited for His final answer.
The Lord gently said no last Sunday and our hearts are finally at peace. A peace only He can give.
We trust His Word, and we trust that He has something incredible in store for our lives, and that Tori’s short life was just the beginning. The impact of her life on the world is not fully known, and we can’t wait to see how it unfolds.
In the meantime, we will continue to praise Jesus for the things He has done and all He has yet to do.