A dear friend shared an incredible insight three months ago and I started to blog about it then. However, I never finished the post.
Tonight, as I was preparing to go to bed, something reminded me about this and it occurred to me that this message is even more relevant to us today, months later, now that Tori is in Heaven.
She sent me this message in December and it has impacted me greatly tonight:
One of the passages of Scripture I have pondered since Tori was diagnosed was 2 Samuel 12, where David is told that his baby would die.
My husband preached a few days ago about David begging, pleading, fasting, and praying for the life of his child. And God said no.
This is where we see the David being a man after God’s heart thing in action. David gets up, washes, dresses, eats, and then goes to worship God.
I get so angry about the small things. My trust falters. My fist has shook towards the heavens.
And here is a father, who has lost his child, praising God not in exchange for a miracle. But just because of who He is and is worthy of our praise.
I know you have your moments. But I see this heart of worship being built in you.
After the loss, David was given Solomon.
The world is still impacted over these two babies.
Here is the scripture passage:
“David begged God to spare the child. He went without food and lay all night on the bare ground. The elders of his household pleaded with him to get up and eat with them, but he refused.
Then on the seventh day the child died.
David’s advisers were afraid to tell him. “He wouldn’t listen to reason while the child was ill,” they said. “What drastic thing will he do when we tell him the child is dead?”
When David saw them whispering, he realized what had happened. “Is the child dead?” he asked. “Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”
Then David got up from the ground, washed himself, put on lotions, and changed his clothes. He went to the Tabernacle and worshiped the LORD.
After that, he returned to the palace and was served food and ate. His advisers were amazed. “We don’t understand you,” they told him. “While the child was still living, you wept and refused to eat. But now that the child is dead, you have stopped your mourning and are eating again.”
David replied, “I fasted and wept while the child was alive, for I said, ‘Perhaps the LORD will be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But why should I fast when he is dead? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me.” (2 Samuel 12:16-23)
What I hadn’t considered until this friend mentioned it was this: the story didn’t end there.
After David lost his son, he was blessed with another son – Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived.
David’s greatest legacy was still to come.
Then David comforted Bathsheba, his wife, and slept with her. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son, and David named him Solomon.
(2 Samuel 12:24)
Brennan and I discussed yesterday how strange it is that we haven’t felt the deep sorrow (yet?) we imagined that we would after losing Tori.
We realize that grief is a process, but we truly believe that we grieved deeply over the last fourteen months while we had the knowledge that she would leave us far too soon.
Her final breath brought us closure. It brought us peace.
Tonight I realized that – without even trying to do so – like David, we have risen from our knees and are praising Him for all He has done.
This hasn’t been intentional or a conscious action (and we certainly aren’t spiritual superheroes or anything like that) – we are simply overcome by His undeniable presence and the incredible workings of His hands to orchestrate Tori’s miraculous death. We can’t help but praise Him as we marvel at all of the details and the amazing things He has done (we will blog soon about that).
Like David, we pleaded and begged for Tori’s life to be spared, for us to be able to enjoy our precious baby on earth for the rest of our lives. We begged Him for fourteen months and waited for His final answer.
The Lord gently said no last Sunday and our hearts are finally at peace. A peace only He can give.
We trust His Word, and we trust that He has something incredible in store for our lives, and that Tori’s short life was just the beginning. The impact of her life on the world is not fully known, and we can’t wait to see how it unfolds.
In the meantime, we will continue to praise Jesus for the things He has done and all He has yet to do.
7 thoughts on “Lessons From David”
I can relate in a small way. My now ex husband told me in August of 2012 that he didn’t love me anymore and I was too Godly. He then stayed and put me through a lot until he left in March of 2013. I hear things like, “You bounced back after your divorce.” Uh, no. I suffered those months before he left, then when he left, I had to get over his leaving. I had already been through so much emotionally. It makes sense to me. I am praying for you. You are a strong brave woman. I’m honored to know you.
I loved this post. I went through the same thing as my mom suffered a long painful decline for 12 years of Lou Gherig’s disease. I grieved extremely over the years as I knew her pain would likely only be relieved in her death.
And then the same story. The Lord was so gentle and kind in the end. And there was finally peace. And I never had any wrenching cries after she died. Only before. I still sometimes cry though; for her life I wish could still interact with ours and our children.
You guys are such an encouragement, sharing how God is always good, even when it doesn’t seem like it.
…..such amazing grace. You continue to expose the face of God, even now.
Thank you for your generous, loving spirit. Peace is with you and through grace….with the world.
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Like the old hymn writer says in It Is Well With My Soul, sorrows are like waves that hit, knock you over and then recede for you to regroup. You have already learned to swim in the ocean, having learned to rest even with the waves breaking over your head. It was giving her up – all the hopes and dreams that you had had for Tori – that was agonizing. Now the struggle, the dread and the waiting is over. Relief that she is healed and face to face is the new reality. It is time to rest. Not that there won’t be emotions and waves again. But now it is time to rest in hope and praise the One who gave her to you. Praying for all of you. During this time. Hugs.
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This is beautiful ❤️
We have no words of wisdom or peace for you. Amazingly, yet again, you have comforted us, and encouraged us. Eager to meet Tori again at Jesus’ feet. God bless.
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Yes. This is what I see in your words, in each post – peace, trust, hope, and even joy because of Who God is. You’re not mad at Him for “failing” to heal Tori here on Earth. You praise Him for what He has done and will do and trust that He knows best. Your example turns me, too, to God in praise.
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