A Treasured Moment…

April 12, 2015

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1–2 minutes

to read

Hi, I’m Lesa Brackbill. I write about advocacy, resilience, and building a life that creates meaningful, lasting change.

+ About Lesa

When Tori was healthy, there was no doubt that she loved me. She would smile and talk to me, her eyes would light up when she saw me, and I knew that was her way of telling me how she felt.

Since January, the only way I can tell she loves me is by how she immediately calms down when l pick her up. Even the Early Intervention ladies took note of that.

But I miss the smiles and coos, the laughter.

So tonight, when she put her hand on my arm after she was startled and upset (which happens often now), it meant so much. Even as I type there are tears steaming down my face. I had Brennan come take a picture of the moment so that I could always remember it.

It could have been a complete coincidence, but I am choosing to believe that it was intentional.

It is so hard on this mama’s heart to watch my baby be in pain and to see her fading away. She is a mere shell of who she used to be and I miss her personality so very much. To not see her expressions of love anymore has broken my heart over and over.

Unless God intervenes, I will never hear her say “mama” or see her smile again. I will never get to hear her say she loves me. I try not to dwell on those thoughts but they creep in from time to time.

I know she trusts me and needs me even though she can’t show me in the same ways anymore. I know that.

What I am learning is that she is trying to show me – I just have learn her language.

11 responses to “A Treasured Moment…”

Cindy

April 12, 2015 at 12:47 am

As I read this and cry I know one thing she truly loves you and her daddy.You both keep on going with a great attitude and she knows you love her very much too.Moments like that she is saying thank you and I love you mommy!

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lauri5567

April 12, 2015 at 12:47 am

I’m glad you were able to get the picture. I’m praying that you all have the strength you need as you face each day.

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Sherron Jackson

April 12, 2015 at 1:34 am

All I can say is that there are tears running down my cheeks.

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erikakurre1

April 12, 2015 at 1:39 am

Such mixed emotions as I read this post. I cry at the thought of your baby being so sick, in pain and fading. And I tear up with warmth knowing that you two are her parents, giving her the best care possible and she knows you love her. I believe any tiny effort from her is more than just coincidental. And I believe in miracles.

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Debby

April 12, 2015 at 2:07 am

Tori loves you, and I believe she did put her sweet hand on your arm purposely. She was responding to your love, with a loving touch of her own. I’m praying for you, Our God is mighty and great. He will comfort and uphold you every moment of this journey. He hears our prayers and will answer them. Miracles do happen. God is already working mightily through Tori – we will continue to pray for healing here for her, and for her healing to impact many more than have already been moved toward our Savior’s grace.

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Kelly

April 12, 2015 at 2:33 am

Very touching. Im so sorry for all of the emotions you are feeling. I truly cant imagine the up and down of roller coaster of emotions you experience daily. You are amazing parents thats for sure. Its a great thing to cherish these moments as they come. We will cherish them with you. Our heart breaks and melts at the same time. Prayers for our amazing Father to perform another miracle and heal your baby girl from pain and illness.

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Kenneth H Close

April 12, 2015 at 4:12 am

stephanie,butts@sen.ca.govI’m sending out info about Krabbe’s Disease to all major newspaper outlets and T.V. Telling My Granddaughter Tori’s Story.. Senate doesn’t seam to care!! Public opinion does! Grand Pa Ken From: The Adventures of the Brackbill Family… To: fltkrzy@yahoo.com Sent: Saturday, April 11, 2015 9:41 PM Subject: [New post] A Treasured Moment… #yiv6102990158 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv6102990158 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv6102990158 a.yiv6102990158primaryactionlink:link, #yiv6102990158 a.yiv6102990158primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv6102990158 a.yiv6102990158primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv6102990158 a.yiv6102990158primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv6102990158 WordPress.com | lesabrackbill posted: ” When Tori was healthy, there was no doubt that she loved me. She would smile and talk to me, her eyes would light up when she saw me, and I knew that was her way of telling me how she felt.Since January, the only way I can tell she loves me is” | |

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Patricia McCoy

April 12, 2015 at 1:59 pm

My heart breaks for all of you.I can’t even imagine what all 3 of you are going thru.You are all in my prayers and I look for Tori’s pictures and updates every day.I feel like I know you Lesa.Even before this happened Matt and Ashlie talked about you and Brennan.I saw your wedding pictures.If I ever get up that way I hope to meet all of you.

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carrie

April 12, 2015 at 3:50 pm

As a Mom I can’t even begin to imagine the pain and heartache you and your husband must feel each and everyday. I too feel like I know you by the posts and pictures you share on Facebook and your blog’s. There are many aspects of Facebook that I don’t like (gossip, mean comments etc) but I LOVE it for things such as this. I love the fact that we can all over the world as a body of Christ lift Tori and your family up in prayer and share in your sorrows and joys. I will continue to pray for God to perform a miracle in little Tori’s life. God Bless you all.

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jensaks

April 15, 2015 at 4:18 pm

My heart breaks as I read this…knowing all too well the emotions you are feeling, as we went through similar things with our Nathan. The fact that Tori calms to your touch and your voice proves she trusts, needs, and loves you. Please don’t forget that, even if she can’t show it in any outward way. God placed her in your family for specific reasons, knowing how you would love her and tend to her needs. This old imperfect world inflicts a lot of grief, but a mother’s (and father’s) love for a sweet babe transcends that. You are blessed. Even in grief you are blessed. She is beautiful, and I am praying for her healing.

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Diane

April 19, 2015 at 9:23 am

Though we’ve never met, I know that Tori is in good hands – yours and God’s. I pray that Tori will be healed. I pray that your mother’s heart will be comforted. I pray that Tori’s Daddy will continually be strengthened. I pray that your family continues to receive the love and support you need. I hope that you never lose hope in Jesus. Healing is in His hands.

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