Today our new life begins.
A life without Tori. A life with new purpose and priorities.
The visitors have stopped, the mail has slowed, the house is quiet.
Tori has been a resident of Heaven for a month now.
My dad has returned to California after being here for five weeks total.
It’s just the two of us now.
Today is the third first day of our new life together.
11.06.10 – We said “I do” and our life together began
07.30.14 – Victoria Ruth was born and our life as a family began
04.26.16 – Our life without Tori – just the two of us again – officially begins
I sit at the dining room table making a list of all the things that I need to accomplish while I sing along to some new favorite worship songs and drink my second cup of coffee.
We are taking some time to not only focus on our marriage but on our individual selves. This is especially important for me because I now have to establish a new routine, new objectives, and, really, a new life. The past two years were primarily focused on Tori and I selflessly poured all my effort and energy into her care.
How do I even begin to focus on myself now?
We decided that I won’t be trying to find an official job in this interim between Tori and whatever comes next. I have lobbying to do, and we hope to have more children in a year or two, so I need to remain home.
It’s so strange to be able to build a daily routine that involves only me – I have to answer questions such as “how do I want to fill my days?” Wisely.
I have a few priorities right now: lobbying for Newborn Screening, writing a book, getting healthy (including losing all of my “sitting on a couch for fourteen months weight”), spending time in The Word, learning to love to cook again, playing piano and guitar, and continuing to maintain our home and garden.
Driving for UBER and working at MHS will bring in some extra money in the meantime while still allowing me to focus on things like lobbying and writing. I’m so thankful for our careful budgeting and frugality that allow us to live on one income so well.
We have planned some trips this year and we are looking forward to our adventures and to spending quality time with one another.
I have no desire to fill my calendar and be “busy” every day – in fact, I am forcing myself to allow plenty of time to just “be” and to continue to process all that has happened.
My heart aches for my baby girl and I know that will never go away. But, as much as I long with all my heart to have her back with us, I know that she is where she is supposed to be. Where we ALL (as followers of Jesus) are supposed to be one day.
One day at a time I will establish new routines and take care of myself and our home. The Lord has brought us this far and I know that He will continue to lead us well. We trust Him with our past, present, and future, and we are thankful for His loving and gracious care.
Even So, Joy 
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