You know, tonight things started to get a little better…the daytime wasn’t too bad, I had 4 classes, one of which I will talk about later. Classes will be tough, but easier than ASP…Things with the roomies are getting better, slowly…they talked to me tonight and asked how my day was and stuff…and my old roommates/friends really made my day today. Leslie called me this evening and asked if i wanted to come down and have cookies with them…if only she knew just how much that meant to me! We had a great time laughing, talking, sharing…it was almost like old times. I felt like myself around them, which hasn’t happened in a while! God is beginning to bring joy back into my life, and I am so thankful for that…though I still feel strange…hmmm…

An ASP alum from Spring 2003 came into the library today (after I had been praying the whole night that God would bring her in!!) and it was so great to talk to someone who had been through what I am going through…she said that she also felt like she no longer fit in, like she didn’t really want to be back here…and she said that a part of her still feels that way. ASP changes us in ways that we don’t even realize until we re-enter campus life, I have found. Anyway, we exchanged contact info, and I look forward to sharing stories with her, and pictures too!! (’cause I have a FEW!!)

Okay–so about one of my classes…Research and Writing…I have heard that this prof is a little eccentric, perhaps even strange…but WOW, I never expected today’s event. I cannot possibly portray to you how ridiculous our excercise was today, but I will try. He was talking to us about paragraphs, and about how they are supposed to be connected and should flow into one another. He asked if we had ever seen children on a field trip with a teacher, or crossing the street or something similar. He said that paragraphs are like those children who all hold hands while crossing the street…they are all different, but connected. Yeah. Okay. So that was interesting. But he didn’t stop there. Oh no. Can you guess what he made us do? You’re right! The classroom has two doors, and he made us all hold hands and go outside, with people walking around watching us, from one door to the other (probably 30 yards)…we just laughed. I could not believe that a 300 level upper division writing intensive political science course was HOLDING HANDS WHILE WALKING!! Wow…yeah. I know that it isn’t as funny reading it as it was to experience it…but use your imagination!! 🙂

APU has sure changed–I must say that I feel as if I am on a totally different campus…which only makes me miss D.C. more, even though our campus is more beautiful than when I left. They have redecorated/renovated nearly every building on campus, built several new ones…it looks great! However, it all changed while I was gone, so I wasn’t here to see the process…the library changes are the hardest for me because I am supposed to know basically everything about the library, so that I can help patrons, and I do not know much of anything anymore…patience…:) At least my boss is SO patient that he is giving as much time as I need.

Okay, I should get some rest. One class tomorrow after chapel…I am really looking forward to chapel for two reasons: one, I have missed the West Campus worship team tons, and two, our campus pastor is speaking and he is absolutely amazing. I cannot wait to get back into his Wednesday night study, which for the past 2.5 years has been on Mark…I wonder if he is done with it yet…who knows…

Goodnight!!

Wow–I had forgotten just how amazing the weather is down here…the past two days I have been wearing tank-tops and FLIP-FLOPS!! I love flip-flops! It has been between 75-80 degrees…and I love it. As much as I love the East Coast, I guess this shows that I am, and always will be, a California girl at heart.

Well, let’s see. After the long, 500+ mile drive on Friday, I am settled into my new apartment. It has already been a tougher transition than I had thought it would be. My new roommates (well, 2 of the 3) are alright, I don’t know them at all yet because one of them has been working since I arrived, and the other one is really quiet, so I don’t know much about her yet either. The other one arrives today. I am praying that this isn’t as hard this week as it has been this weekend…it isn’t only the transition of living with new, “random” people…but it is the thought of seeing my roommates for the past two years with their new roommate….I am dealing with feelings of replacement, though i know I shouldn’t be. It is also much tougher than I expected to be back in L.A. I miss D.C…I miss the people…i miss the classes (though i never dreamed I would say that!!)…I miss the comfort of being there. And now I am uncomfortable, but I know that these are the times God uses to stretch and mold us the most…so I anxiously await the changes He is going to bring about!

Church today was great. It was so great to be back at my L.A. church–the one constant in my life right now…things have stayed the same, basically. i am back on the worship team, and have already been asked to sing special music…the youth have missed me (which is a nice feeling right now, since I have been living/spending time with strangers)…and it was so good to fellowship with these wonderful people who care about who i am, who i have become… 🙂 This is good!

What else…Mike is coming for spring break!!!! WOO HOO! I was the first to know, and I am SO excited. Hopefully we can have an ASP reunion when he is here. I am so excited to see him again, and to have him flip me off in person (long story, LOL). He is one of those friends for which I am so incredibly grateful! I shocked him the other night by revealing a little known fact about me, and he has not yet recovered (LOL–it has to do with classes :)) Anyway, Mike is great. Pray for him, though, as he is dealing with a lot right now, and it preparing to enter into the same transition period I am undergoing…

Well, I am ready for the semester, I suppose…most of my friends come back this evening (Sara, Leslie, Jessica and possibly some others…). Last night I went out with my twin friends Cara and Christina, and we had a wonderful time. I love those girls so much, and it means so much to me to have them in my close circle of friends. I can’t wait to see my poli sci buddies, especially Joe and Ryan, who live close to me…they love to harrass me, and I can’t wait to give it right back to them! 🙂

Anyway, have a blessed Sunday, and may God teach you something new and amazing this week. I’ll post again when I can (no internet in the apartment yet).

Quick note: If you don’t read any other work of fiction in your entire life, I’d encourage you to read “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers. It is based on the love story found in the book of Hosea, set in the California Gold Rush era (1840s-1850s). I read the entire thing in two sittings, and although this is the second time I have read it, it still impacted me in such a great way! Francine Rivers is an amazing author, and she has written many other works that are absolutely incredible…

The only drawback to reading this book is that I now long to get married–even more…this is such a common longing that I should not be surprised, LOL. But God also spoke to me through this book and urged me to continue to be patient and to seek His face above all else…and i will continue to do just that! 🙂

Governor Arnold gave his “State of the State address” this evening, and I must say that I was impressed. I did not vote for Arnold, but more and more I am gaining faith in him. He is sticking to his beliefs and convictions, he is not going with the “status quo” and he is making the legislature be accountable for their actions by showing the populace exactly what they are doing. This man can really make some great changes in this state, and I am excited to see what he accomplishes!

One more thing: My friends from ASP are amazing, incredible, wonderful people…these words cannot even begin to describe them…there is one especially who has come to be one of my best-friends, and I am so unbelievably thankful for that friendship. Praise the Lord for the innumerable blessings He bestows upon us!!

Tonight was amazing…a good friend from high school, who is a phenomenal Christian woman, invited me to go with her to Chico tonight, to a worship experience. She figured that would give us a chance to not only visit on the drive but worship together, which is always wonderful. I know that nothing happens by chance, and tonight was no exception…

Since I have been home, I have been in a lonely valley, and God has not been as apparent in my everyday life as He normally is…I have not been walking with Him as I should, and I made excuses about being exhausted, when I should have been seeking His face even more avidly. Tonight was so refreshing, so spiritually renewing, that I am now on my way back to walking with my Lord as I used to–and I pray that it will be even closer than before. God used the message, the worship, the environment, the fellowship…everything, tonight, to renew my spirit and to relight the fire that dwells within my heart. I am so excited about walking with Him closely once more. I know that He never left me: I wandered away…praise Him that it was only for a couple of weeks…but those two weeks were, indeed, miserable! I just was not motivated to do anything, which is partly why this blog has been SOOO boring…I feel as if “Lesa” is back again, so I am ready to begin whatever He has for me this semester.

Some words from the songs we sang tonight that impacted me(all but 2 were new to me, which is unusual):

“Your grace has found me just as I am, empty-handed but alive in your hands.”

“Praying, Lord break me. Praying, Lord take me. Praying, Lord make me all I have failed to be.”

“‘Cause we’re all about you, and the world can’t stop us from living your way, always.”

Lord, thank you for tonight…thank you for who you are, and for who you are shaping me to be…thank you for being so real and so patient with me, though I wander sometimes. I praise you for all you have given me, and I pray that you will present to me opportunities to share your love with everyone I know, and everyone I meet…may you be honored in all that I do….

5 days ’til LA! 🙂

My 21st birthday was one of the best birthday’s I have had…so simple, so relaxing, yet so fulfilling and wonderful. I spent the day with friends and family…I saw many friends from high school…and I was given one of the most incredible gifts that I have EVER received.

I have a great friend who is in the US Air Force. He served in the United Arab Emirates and Kyrgystan during Operation Iraqi Freedom, and he brought me an incredible gift that he gave me today, after taking me to lunch. He brought me a flag that was flown over Baghdad International Airport on April 23rd, 2003!! He bought a beautiful box-frame for it, and also gave me a military photo of him from while he served over there…I was/am so touched. What an amazing and unforgettable gift!

I saw many friends today at a “LAN party”, which I usually attend…but this one is 27 hours long, and I am just too tired for that this year! 🙂 It was great to see Adam, Matt, Mike, Erik and others, my friends from high school…they are the friends I made who I never thought would be my friends…funny how they are my great friends now, and those who were my “friends” are no longer in my life at all, really…life is funny that way!

One of my favorite parts of birthdays is the phone calls, emails and other ways that people communicate to you on your special day. I received many of those today, all of which meant a great deal to me. I have been so richly blessed with amazing friends and family!

My mom cooked me her famous meatloaf tonight–which was AMAZING! Then my grandparents came down and we had cake and HOMEMADE icecream (as we do on every family occasion, basically :)). My parents, brother and I spent a few hours watching home videos and reliving the great years we have spent together.

One video particularly touched me, and that was from 4th grade, Halloween. I had forgotten that my friend Suzanne Gonzales came with us Trick-or-Treating that year, and she was in the video…it was touching because on March 19th, 2003 Suzanne took her life…it reminded me of the great friendship we shared all through high school and even college…and how much I dearly miss her…Good times…

Anyway, 2004 will hold many things for me: another year of school…campaigns to work on (at least 2, Bush/Cheney and the campaign to unseat our HORRID senator Barbara Boxer)…more friends…more working…more working with youth and discipling them…and I know that God has such great plans for my life…perhaps this will be the year I meet my future husband! Wouldn’t that be nice?! 🙂 I have yet to set specific goals for myself, but I will post them as I make them.

May God bless you as you enter this new year…I have been SO richly blessed by you all!

It is so hard to believe that in one hour I will be 21 years old! 🙂 Time sure flies by…I have been reliving many memories from my childhood/youth as I have been home for break, and while some has not been easy, for the most part it has been an enjoyable experience. God has accomplished a great deal in my life during these 21 years, and I know that He has much more in store for me throughout my life.

Can I say that God has a most interesting sense of humor?! ALL around Red Bluff there is SNOW–enough that I-5 is closed from Redding to the Oregon border (150 miles)…yet, there is NONE in the city limits of Red Bluff. LOL. God just loves to torture us Red Bluff kids with this! 🙂 That was quite the storm though–12 inches of snow in Redding, a city that has not seen snow in 10 years or more…oh well. I got snow in D.C. so I shouldn’t complain! 🙂

Today was an okay day…I helped my dad this morning with some things he needed done, and it was actually pleasant. We got along and though we didn’t say much (because it was so early) it was full of great conversations…I was reminded of how amazing my church here is today, when my pastor and his wife took our college group out to lunch, just to spend time with us before we return to school. I love this church, and it seems that it just keeps getting better and better!

A lady from my church passed away on Sunday afternoon, and I have been asked to sing at her funeral…I really don’t like funerals, and I get so emotional that I am not sure how the singing will go–but I am doing it for the comfort of the friends and family of Maggie Mae Greenleaf and for the Lord, not for myself. I am grateful for the wondrous gift of music the Lord has given to me, and I try to use it whenever possible, for His kingdom…

My birthday doesn’t hold too many plans as of yet. One thing is still certain: NO drinking! 🙂 My friend Duane is coming to see me, which will be great. I am planning on driving down to see a group of friends at their LAN party, which I should be attending…LOL…My Mom is making her amazing meatloaf for me, and then I suppose we are just hanging out as usual. I know, I’m boring…but tradition is tradition! We always play games, hang out…Dad never lasts until the ball drops at midnight :)…I have been blessed with this family! 🙂

Sorry these posts have been so uninteresting…perhaps when my life becomes a little more exciting, the blog posts will follow suit!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I know that life isn’t supposed to be perfect…I know that trials will come, and that God uses them for His greater purpose…but what can come from this? What can come from 9 years of turmoil in my relationship with my dad?

I thought it would be better now, now that I am almost 21 (in 3 days!)…now that I am a senior in college…now that I have proved that I am responsible and capable of taking care of myself…yet it never ends…I cannot do anything right, and everything that I try to do to please him is never enough. I cannot but fail. Without going into detail, tonight was a really bad night…I never cry–seriously–and I definitely cried tonight…I just want to be loved for who I am…by my father…

Other news: I won a dollar in the lottery yesterday! Not exactly $61 million, but at least I only lost $1!

Tomorrow is a new day…Lamentations 3:21-23

I forgot to mention that my dad and I watched the movie “We Were Soldiers” today…I highly recommend that movie. I enjoy “war” movies, but seldom do they impact me as this one did…OH, how I wish I were in DC, so that I could walk again by the Vietnam Memorial wall and read the names of the soldiers depicted in the movie…

I have noticed lately that I am not myself…lately I have not been the cheery, energetic young woman I tend to be. Even when it comes to emails, this blog, etc, I am not as creative or thoughtful as usual…I am absolutely worn-out, in every possible sense–emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally…I have so little energy, and I have been trying to simply rest the past few days.

On a much lighter note, I have been reading the “Anne of Green Gables” books again, simply because I have desired to read, yet did not want to read anything academic…they are quite fascinating, though simple, books to read. I am already on the 4th book, in 3 days 🙂

My mom and I watched the “Pageant of Peace and National Christmas Tree Lighting” on CSPAN on Christmas Eve; it was enjoyable, yet only served as a reminder of all that I have left behind in Washington. What a great experience we had there…I do miss that city so! I’ll return soon enough, I suppose.

Christmas was enjoyable, and I had a great time visiting with family I had not seen in almost a year. Of course, the question of whether or not I am to be married soon came up as expected. It was all in fun, and I know that they did not mean to make me feel badly about it, but part of me is still hurt in a way, because I long to find my “match” almost more than anything…I am patient, and I do trust that God has someone for me…yet the waiting grows wearisome. I am waiting, and I will continue to wait. LOL–if everyone else would only wait as patiently! 🙂

I love my family, and we had a great time yesterday, sharing, visiting, etc. My grandparents had me open my birthday present yesterday, though my birthday is still a few days away…and I am so excited! You may laugh, but they got me a professional flat iron for my hair–which costs A LOT of money. I am so excited! I love straightening my hair, and this will do such a great job.

I found out that I am living in the apartment complex I desired for my return to campus…so even though I will be living with new people, I think it will be okay.

Other than that, not much is happening in Red Bluff, as usual. Only 2 weeks until I return to LA and I am looking forward to it…:)

I visited my high school today, for the annual “Holiday Classic” rally…wow. I was amazed…and that is not necessarily a good thing in this case! Was high school really like that when I was there–so superficial, sexual, frivilous? Wow…yeah. I have only been gone 3 years, but it feels like 10.

I did have a good visit with a couple of teachers from high school, and that was great. I did have some great experiences in high school, and I will never forget many of the teachers I had. Good times!

Other than that, things are getting better on the Dad front. He has been remarkably better today, PRAISE THE LORD. We had a great time as a family tonight, something for which I am thankful! We are just so much alike, and I think that is part of the problem…he sees things in me that he doesn’t like, and the problem is that he has those same qualities….that is my guess, anyway.

Not too much happening in good ole Red Bluff–which should not be surprising to anyone! I got my Christmas letter/cards done today, finally.

I really miss my ASP friends! I have been talking to one everyday now, which has been wonderful 🙂 GOOD TIMES!! I am considering going to Chicago for Spring break, but we’ll see how the finances turn out.

This is not a very thought-provoking entry…oh well, we all have those days. Maybe tomorrow will be better!