Author: lesabrackbill

Dreaming…

Every girl (I’m assuming for sake of the story) dreams of finding her “prince”…her future husband…the man who will wipe away her tears…who will love her for who she is…etc. You know the story lines…

Well, tonight, after 5-6 weeks of not really thinking about it, I really want to find my “prince”…I want to know where he is, what he is like…when our paths will meet…I want to be in love…

Yet, I know that the Lord has perfect timing, and He alone knows who this wonderful man is, and He knows when I’ll meet him. Perhaps I already have…it just tugs at my heart so strongly every once in awhile…like now…

Wow–it is absolutely amazing how sentimental chick flicks can make you…my roommates and I went to see the sequel to “Bridget Jones’ Diary”, after watching the first one tonight at our apartment. It was my first time seeing the original, and it was better than I had expected…Only downfall: now I want to date/get married more than I have in awhile.

Sigh…enough of this. I really don’t have time to date right now anyway, because of school/work/church/friends and everything else that takes up my time.

Soon enough, I’ll meet that “special someone”… and then I’ll probably miss not knowing, LOL. Life’s funny like that. 🙂

I feel loved…

When I got out of class today, I noticed that I had a missed call. I didn’t recognize the number. I listened to the message, and it was my church’s secretary. She said that she had a surprise for me waiting in her office…so I said I’d be by in 15 minutes.

When I arrived, she handed me a huge bag, filled with stuff. I was really curious now, because I had NO idea what this could be.

Someone in the church wanted to show me that I was loved, and wanted to encourage me, so they went and got me a bunch of gift certificates, as well as some really nice clothes, just because. I was shocked. I am not “in need” by any means, so I know that this is purely someone (who wishes to remain anonymous) showing their appreciation for me…and I am so humbled!

It is times like this that I realize that the Lord really does look out for us. This week was really tough, I felt really alone and discouraged…and then my roommates left me the sweet poster…and I got the printer from my parents yesterday…and now I have some awesome new clothes and shoes (and gift certificates) from someone who wanted to encourage me. God has really shown His love in unique ways this week, and I am so thankful. My church has blessed me so much over the past 2.5 years, but never like this, and I really don’t know what to say!

Humorous note: the two pairs of shoes are the right size, but the clothes aren’t–they are about 4 sizes too small. But I’m glad that whoever did this thought that I was smaller than I am, rather than larger than I am! 🙂 So I am going to go to the store from which they were purchased today and exchange them for things that fit me. 🙂 That makes me smile.

Anyway, things are better now. I feel loved…which has definitely been needed in the midst of the stress that school brings.

Good day…

Today was a fairly good day…Here are the highlights.

I woke up to find a sweet note (more like a poster) of encouragement from my roommates on the bathroom mirror…it was definitely needed, and helped me to start my day off right. I’ve been so stressed out and overwhelmed lately, and my roommates have had to put up with a lot–mainly my silence and my seclusion in the world of homework. 🙂 Thanks girls!

1–my interview for Tunisia went really well. The Lord gave me the clarity that I needed, and helped me to formulate coherent responses to the questions I was asked. I really clicked with the three leaders and we had a great time. December 10th I will know if I will be spending four weeks in Northern Africa–and I am going to celebrate by going to a Tunisian restaurant with my friends. 🙂

2–my parents surprised me by having a new printer sent to me. I checked my mail and found a notice for a large package…and there was a brand-new printer (which I have needed, since my old printer will not work with my new computer)…my parents are awesome–always providing for me.

3–I got quite a bit of research done on Wahhabi Islam for my papers. I am fascinated by this research, in part because I have learned tonight that Americans in general have a completely wrong idea about why bin Laden is the way he is (I had the wrong idea as well until tonight, when I learned more about him and the way that he has gone off the deep end, basically)…perhaps I’ll extrapolate upon that at another time.

4–My new checks came today. I am proud to be the owner of NASCAR checks! Woo hoo! 🙂 (I know that a few of my readers adamantly oppose NASCAR, but I don’t really care). Fun stuff!

For now, I am going to bed. It’s much later than I had wanted to be up, but that’s okay. 🙂 Goodnight!

Poem…

Right now, this is really the only way to express how I am feeling right now…I’m just so tired, so worn…



This is a poem that I wrote this summer, and I needed to be reminded of it’s message tonight. I thought I’d share it with the world once more…





There are twists and turns on this path I tread

With little notice of what lies ahead.

But, I will follow and I will seek

For You are strongest when I am weak.



Unexpected crossroads, I must make a choice

I wait, I listen for Your still, small voice.

Some paths cross, some diverge

I cannot merely follow an inclination or urge.

I must look to You, and You alone

For You will guide me, wherever I roam.



Alpha, Omega; Lord of my life

Through every hardship, through every strife.

Through every victory and every defeat

Through times of joy, when I feel complete.

I know I can trust You to light my way;

Then why do I struggle, argue and sway?

Why do I question Your perfect plan

The power of the Great ‘I AM’?



Oh, Lord Almighty, lead me on.

This road is narrow, windy, and long.

I am weary, tired and worn

From the endless distractions and storms.

You are the Lord of my entire being,

Not merely my advisor, or Lord of some things.



I know not the direction or the length of this road

Only the Maker whose hand I hold.

You created the stars, the seasons, the light

Still You hear every thought, every laugh, every plight.

How wondrous You are; such a mystery

That the Creator of the Universe cares deeply for me.



Help me to ponder this great thought each day:

You will never stop loving, or leading my way.

Though I often wander, stumble and fall,

Your love is with me, through it all.

Lesa Close

July 26, 2004

Tunisia…

So, tomorrow is my interview for the mission team to Tunisia…and I’m only a bit anxious because I really want to go. The more I learn about the country and the people, the more my heart is open to going and to completely leaving my comfort zone. I was reading about Tunisian cuisine today, and that was especially “scary” (if you know me, you know that I am NOT adventurous when it comes to trying new things)…but I found a Tunisian restaurant in West L.A. that I will try out upon acceptance onto the team. We don’t find out until December 10th–which I suppose is good ONLY because if I knew I was going before then, I would be completely preoccupied with that.

I ask that you say a prayer for me tomorrow, 3pm PST, as I interview for a position on this team. I am so excited!

Also…

Happy Birthday Cheyenne!!



My Pennsylvania sister is 21 today!! Have a wonderful birthday, and know that I love you!!

Back to writing…SO many papers to write, so little time…

Peace?

I am currently reading Just War Against Terror by Jean Bethke Elshtain for my International Relations class. She is a professor at the University of Chicago, and this book is incredible.

I cannot tell you how many times I have been told that my opinion on the use of force is not “the Christian way of doing things.” I believe that sometimes force is necessary to create peace. I believe in the “Just War Theory.” And yet I am often told that “peace is the only way.”

Well, this author sees things the same way that I do, and the way that she describes these things is far better than I ever could.

“…Peace should not be universally lauded even

as war is universally condemned.

Each must be evaluated critically.

Many horrors and injustices can

traffic under the cover of “peace.”

Indeed, there are worse things than war.

The twentieth century showed us many of those worse things,

including gulags and genocides.

The world would have been much better off if the violence of

particular regimes had been confronted on the battlefield earlier;

fewer lives would have been lost over the long run…

Because the Church is to serve all, and

because Christians believe evil is real,

both justice and charity may compel us

to serve our neighbor and the common

good by using force to stop wrongdoing

and to punish wrongdoers.”

(p. 51-52, Just War Against Terror.)

She also states,

Some versions of ‘peace’ violate norms

of justice and do so egregiously.

For the sake of keeping the peace,

statemen often acquiesce

in terrible injustices.

Peace is a good, and so is justice,

but neither is an absolute good.

Neither automatically trumps the other,

save for the pacifists who claim that

‘violence is never the solution,’

‘fighting never settled anything,’

and ‘violence only begets more violence.’

Does it? Not always, not necessarily.

One can point to one historical example after another of force

being deployed in the name of justice

and leading to not only a less violent

world but a more just one.” (p. 53-54)

As I have been reading first-hand accounts of life in Saudi Arabia, and most recently about Saddam’s regime, I am absolutely appalled that people still think that it was not worth it to go to war. I am currently reading a book about a woman who was imprisoned and tortured for absolutely no reason. In this book, she shares the stories of the women who were in her cell (about 20 others), who were also imprisoned and tortured, for no reason.

They tell of the horrible things that happened under Saddam, and it makes my heart break. But it also makes me SO thankful to live in a country that knows that sometimes diplomacy just won’t work–especially after it has been tried for 12+ years.

This was NOT the “wrong war”–not at all. Sometimes peace is impossible without force, and I wholeheartedly believe that it is the same in this case. The millions of lives that were saved from torture and tyranny are worth the effort and the cost.

Thoughts…

I’ve been purposely avoiding posting anything of a “personal” nature lately, and that has been for a few reasons. One is that I have been dealing with so many things lately that I haven’t been able to sort through anything, really. And two, I just haven’t felt inspired to blog as I have in the past. I have been thinking about many things, many people that I have mentioned previously…but I just don’t know how to express my emotions, my thoughts…so for now I am remaining silent.

I am the kind of person who will take on too much, because I feel that, in some instances, if I don’t do it then it won’t get done…I am finding myself feeling like I have done it again, but it isn’t with any extra stuff, persay. I am noticing that my school, work and church activities are wearing me out…but what would I cut out? Church? Right…school? In 181 days…Work? Need the money too much…

So, for now, I am just resting as much as I can (like today, where I read/took naps on the couch all afternoon), so that my body can keep up with all that I am involved in…I’m just worn out, in every area of my life…and I feel like I have to schedule even getting sick! I feel like I may be on the verge of being sick, so I am trying to hold it off until Thanksgiving weekend, when I can be sick for three days, LOL…

Alright, enough for now…back to my missions application…

Another Article…

I am not quite sure why I am posting these links so often as of late, but I find these articles to be fascinating…and thought my readers might as well. So, here’s another one. 🙂

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/11/06/opinion/06brooks.html

Also, my friend Stuart posted this county map of the U.S. and I was amazed by it…my county is red (well, my home county, not the one I vote in…Los Angeles county is always blue)…and it is so interesting to me to look at the blue counties, because I can, for the most part, figure out why they are blue. So interesting…

Note…

Just wanted to note quickly that my blog has now had the same number of hits as the population of my hometown (13,000)…amazing, LOL! Nah, Red Bluff is growing like crazy, and in actuality has more like 27,000 now. 🙂

Engagement party was beautiful–will post pictures later…