For those of you who watch “24” and love Jack Bauer as much as I do, you will love this. For those who have never experienced the show, you probably won’t get it, but you can try to laugh anyway! 🙂
It was so hard to not laugh outloud at work today when these facts were sent to me! I have edited out the language, but have otherwise left the content the same. There are a lot of these, but they are just too funny to not put on here!
Enjoy!
Jack Bauer has a higher body count than Hitler.
Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.
Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a terrorist.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
The only reason you’re conscious right now is because Jack Bauer doesn’t want to carry you.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
There were originally five horsemen of the apocalypse. Jack Bauer said he would travel by foot.
Jack Bauer sleeps with a gun under the pillow. But he could kill you with the pillow.
When life hands Jack Bauer Lemons, he kills Terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
As a boy, Jack Bauer interrogated his parents on Easter until they revealed the location and contents of each hidden egg.
After running out of ammo, Jack stood in the line of fire, took 3 shots to the chest, and used them to reload.
Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: “In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world… five seasons in a row.” Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled “WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!”
On Jack Bauer’s Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependants.
Jack Bauer has no friends, because as a child when he would play cops and robbers, the robbers would all be interogated and killed.
Superman has Jack Bauer pajamas.
A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walked into a bar… and Jack Bauer is going to find out why…
(Above facts from this site)
Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, “I have them right where I want them.”
If everyone on “24” followed Jack Bauer’s instructions, it would be called “12”.
A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people were getting hurt for trying to play Jack.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.
There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef, then it’s beef.
The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.
Let’s get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer was able to eliminate Bird Flu playing Duck Hunt.
It’s no use crying over spilt milk… Unless that was Jack Bauer’s milk. Oh you are so screwed.
Jack doesn’t believe in Murphy’s Law, only Bauer’s Law: “Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours.”
In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border.
Jack Bauer doesn’t speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
Osama bin Laden’s recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Superman’s only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
When Google can’t find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
“Simon Says” should be renamed to “Jack Bauer Says” because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.
Jack Bauer made 3 million Americans simultaneously hold their breath. You know you were one of them.
In the 18 months where Jack Bauer was presumed dead, Tony Almeida was put in a coma, Michelle and David Palmer were killed, a major hurricane raveged the Gulf Coast, and Rob Schneider made another movie. See what happens when Bauer isn’t around?
Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: “Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day.”
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer uses #1 pencils on standardized tests…. Jack Bauer doesn’t associate with anything that is #2.
G.I. Joe has Jack Bauer action figures.
(The above facts from this site)
Jack Bauer is proof of Intelligent Design.
Luckily, the Egyptians gave in after the 10th plague because number 11 was going to be Jack Bauer.
(Above facts from this site)
Even So, Joy 