Paige and I had coffee today, for our weekly meeting. As we conversed, our conversation turned towards politics…and the man sitting at the next table began talking with us.

From what I picked up throughout the hour that he talked to us, he was a 27-year old millionaire, who owns several thousand acres of property.

He kept talking to us about success, and about obtaining more money and how to do it…and the more he spoke about his life (and how he’ll be able to retire by the time he’s 30), the more I realized that I was saddened for him…not envious at all (which SHOCKED me, honestly!)…

This man’s goal in life is to have more money…more things…

And as he spoke, the Holy Spirit gently brought to mind the message from chapel this morning, which was about what it means to deny self. I had heard countless messages on this topic before–but this was a fresh perspective.

The speaker had many “quotables”:

“Only one thing is keeping you from an abundant life–and that’s your abundant self.”

“Only those who throw away their lives for Jesus’ sake will know what it means to really live.”

“Sin will keep you longer than you wanted to stay, cost you more than you wanted to pay, and will take you farther than you intended to go.”

“My life is His BECAUSE He is my life.”

THIS one was my favorite:

“Surrendering is like taking up your cross–not a lounge chair.”

WOW! That one went right to my heart…

But as this guy was speaking, I was quiet and just reflected on the message this morning, as well as the passage in I Timothy 6 that I quoted the other day:

“But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction.

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.

Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith

and pierced themselves with many griefs.”



–I Timothy 6:6-10

The Lord has been slowly preparing me for a life with few luxuries…and each day, something happens that makes me realize that I will be content wherever He leads me. Granted, there are definitely times when I realize that there are many things that I want–mainly pertaining to traveling–but I know that He will provide for all my needs.

It’s time to get out of my “lounge chair” and pick up my cross…

Last night I had an amazing dream, but I only remember one scene clearly…

My great-grandfather, Irvin, and I were somewhere, and he reached out and grabbed my hand and said with a smile “Let’s go for a walk in the garden.” Things just kinda froze from that moment on–the gleam in his eyes, the touch of his hand…That moment is etched in my memory so vividly–even though it was just a dream.

My great-grandfather grew everything in his garden, and that’s where he was found the day he passed away–he had laid down under a tree, with a tuft of grass as a pillow, folded his hands across his chest, and went to sleep. So this moment, about walking in the garden, means so much to me…it nearly made me cry then, and it is bringing tears to my eyes now.

He was an amazing man–and he passed away when I was 10…and what I remember most was his garden and his musical ability–which thankfully I have inherited, at least to a small extent…how I miss my great-grandparents…I praise the Lord that they were both such strong believers–so I’ll see them some day…

“Let’s go for a walk in the garden…”

I just wanted to post this passage of scripture because my post about Plato, that I removed, spurred some debate as to what the purpose was for my post. What I was trying to say is that Socrates observed that when people want more than what they NEED, that is when injustice occurs. And, oddly enough, that is what Paul wrote to Timothy! AMAZING.

I was not trying to analyze or to discuss Plato. To be honest, I just don’t care that much. All I was trying to say is that I AGREE that injustice and crime occur most often because of people wanting something they don’t have.

I will repost the Plato post–unedited, only to show that I am not advocating Communism or other outlandish things–as has been said. Whatever. I am one of the biggest capitalists around! I was NOT saying that we SHOULD have a land where people only have what they need–but rather, that because we constantly have and are getting more than we need, that we can never have a just society. People have a tendency to read into what I write–incorrectly, so I just wanted to post this for clarity.

“As much as Plato can be confusing

(because of the round-about nature of his

dialogues), he raises some incredible ideas

on justice and on how society should

operate. In my study of “The Republic”,

I have been amazed thus far at some of

the points he (well, actually, Socrates) raises.

I’m not going to write about this much now,

because I am still processing all that we have been

discussing in class.

But one thing that came up today,

in Book II of “The Republic” was the

idea that the only way that a society

ould ever be “just” is if the citizens

therein lived with necessities only…

and that it is when you add luxuries

(herein defined as things that you really

don’t need whatsoever) that crime and

injustices occur…

In pondering this more and more,

I have come to realize just

how true that is. If people only had the

amount of land or money they needed,

rather than land or money in abundance,

and if they were contented with their

lot, and didn’t feel the need to always

have more, then there would be no need

to take from someone else–for example,

taking some of your neighbor’s land.

This only leads to war or conflict,

and usually results in injustice.

Interesting…perhaps I’ll write more in

the days to come…Amazing how much a

book written over 2500 years ago

can influence our lives today… ”

I am definitely a “people-pleaser”…I love making people happy, whether it is by simply not making them mad, or by sending a note in the mail, or by cooking dinner for friends…I usually cannot handle it when people are upset with me, or mad at me for any reason…and I usually blame myself if anything goes wrong in friendships.

Lately, though, I’ve noticed that in the past I tended to change who I am in order to make certain people happy…I would hear one say something critical about something, and I would make every effort to not be that way, because I was afraid of losing their friendship. For instance, the “redneck” stuff I posted about the other day…I had a friend didn’t like anything of that nature, so I refrained from talking about my like of bluegrass, just because I was afraid of losing that friendship if that person saw who I really was (that’s not the only thing I changed). I tried to be someone I wasn’t–and succeeded for awhile. Though I wasn’t truly “happy” with the changes, I didn’t know why…

Why on earth did I ever feel the need to change?

One of the things that I am beginning to work through is gaining a healthy perspective of myself, and a new confidence to be who God has created me to be…no regrets, no holding back. I struggle with self-confidence issues, and have decided that now is the time to get rid of those, as well as some other issues. And since writing is therapeutic to me, I decided to write about them here. So there may be more posts of this nature in the future…and any advice on how to deal with these things is welcomed!

It’s going to be a long process, but it will be worth it all in the end…

Note: This post is long, but is REALLY important to me…it contains lessons that I am learning each day, and I hope you won’t let the size deter you from reading!

There is a sign on my closet door that says “ALL things for HIS glory.” In smaller letters, I have begun to write things that I can do for His glory–in order that I might more practically apply this lesson to my life. Right now, it says: Thinking, singing, laundry, working, talking, entertainment, dishes and studying. Obviously, there are many more things that should be on this list…and they will be as they become apparent that I am not doing them for God’s glory.

Ironically, doing all things for God’s glory is what chapel was about this morning.

Francis Chan is our chapel speaker for the week (we always have him come for multiple chapels because he is so good…he has done 3 chapels a semester since I’ve been here at APU), and today was incredible…here’s what he said, in summary:

He asked if any of us had ever seen the sunrise (hey, we’re in college, so we generally don’t get up that early!)…he asked us to ponder the fact that the sun is 93 million miles away, yet as soon as its rays peek over the horizon, we begin to feel warmth. Isn’t that amazing? 93 MILLION miles away, and it provides us with light, warmth…and when it rises and sets, it gives glory to God.

Francis began by showing us a clip from “Rocky” (I don’t know which one), where he is running up the stairs with all the kids following him. He asked us if we had noticed “the girl in the green jacket” (One of the extras in the movie). “What if the girl in the green jacket went around telling all her family and friends that she had ‘starred’ in the movie? Then they’d go see it, and realize that it really wasn’t all about her. It was about Rocky. Her friends would think she was delusional.”

But, aren’t we all a little delusional?

Life isn’t about us…we are just extras in God’s movie. He is NOT the supporting actor–He is the star! But we forget that all too often–at least, I know that I do…and not so much in the “big” things in life, but in the little things…like dishes…like the words I say to a friend.

When Leslie and I were having lunch today, I made a comment about someone and quickly apologized because I realized it did NOT bring glory to God. And she said something that I have pondered all day. She said, “Can you imagine how quiet our campus would be if everyone made sure that their comments brought glory to God?”

Wow…

I know that even in my life, that statement would be true…and this is definitely something to work on. Are my words edifying, or dividing? Are they honoring God? Not as much as they should…

Everything in creation gives glory to God…and everything we do CAN give glory to God! He demonstrated (rather humorously) how even eating can bring glory to God (1 Cor. 10:31)…

One more thing, before this post becomes another novel! He read from Job 38, which is an incredible chapter. Francis asked why we humans think we can question/criticize God, when He knows everything, He created everything, etc…Job did, and this was God’s response:

“Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?

Tell me, if you understand.

Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!

Who stretched a measuring line across it?

On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone–

while the morning stars sang together

and all the angels shouted for joy?…

Have you ever given orders to the morning,

or shown the dawn its place…

Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?

…Surely you know, for you were already born!

You have lived so many years!”

(Job 38:4-7, 12, 18, 21)

He continues on in chapter 39, and in verse 2 of chapter 40 God asks “Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him? Let him who accuses God answer him!”

Who am I to question God when life is not going as I think it should be going?

“I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow…a vapor in the wind.” (Casting Crowns)

Much to ponder from today’s message, primarily on the words part…and I pray that God will use this for His glory…

“Play me some mountain music, like Grandma and Grandpa used to play…” -Alabama

You know, I have come to really love and appreciate “bluegrass” or “mountain” music. This morning, we ended our worship service with “I’ll Fly Away”; to add to the effect of the song, I played mandolin, and Jerry played banjo, along with the normal guitar, bass, drums, piano. SO FUN! It meant so much to me to play!

Why? A few reasons.

One–the mandolin I played belonged to Jerry’s father-in-law (Debbie’s father), who passed away earlier this year. He was such an incredible man! So playing his mandolin meant so much.

Two–my great-grandfather played many instruments, one of which was the mandolin, and one of my goals is to play everything he played.

Three–one of the songs I can remember him playing and singing was “I’ll Fly Away.” I really miss my great-grandparents, but feel privileged to have known them for the time I did.

People in my life have often called me a “redneck” because I like NASCAR, because I (now) enjoy bluegrass music, and because I come from Red Bluff (which is known for having the world’s largest three-day rodeo). And I used to take offense at that–because I do not consider myself to be a redneck. These things in and of themselves do not make me a “redneck.”

People have often been very blunt in their opinions of things such as these, trying to make me change who I am because they don’t happen to be that way. And, for awhile, I did. I became someone that I am not, just to please these people.

But something that I am realizing is that I am proud of my “mountain” heritage. My grandparents are from Arkansas and Oklahoma. They play instruments like the mandolin, the banjo, and yes, I’m sure even the jaw harp. And you know what? I love it! It is so fun to sit and jam with family members (like we did at our reunion this year) with so many fun instruments, playing songs that everyone can play–meaning generally old hymns and “mountain songs”. The younger and older generations can both participate…and it is seriously such a great time.

I am proud of the fact that my family enjoys NASCAR and various other types of racing together. I am proud that my father has taught my brother and I so much about automobiles and how to take care of them properly. Pretty much every Sunday after church was spent watching the race together, usually as a family. So when I think NASCAR, I think “family.” There is nothing wrong with racing, and I am glad that I have grown up with it!

Do these things make me a redneck? Perhaps. Do I care? NO! I am who I am, and I am proud of my roots. I am not going to hide my heritage just to please anyone else. 🙂

Sorry for the strange post…I just have been doing a lot of thinking today, and in the past few weeks, and I decided it was time to share these thoughts with the world. 🙂

Time to listen to some Nickel Creek…:)

Someone has a little too much time on their hands…LOL! If you have ever seen the movie “Office Space”, you’ll appreciate this. So funny!

Thursday: Was asked to sing the National Anthem at a women’s soccer game…gladly accepted. I will probably be singing next week at a game as well. I’m now hoping to sing at our basketball game against Biola in March…that would be awesome! (Biola is our “rival”, so that game is always packed and exciting…needless to say, I’ve never been able to attend a game vs. Biola because the game ALWAYS falls on Election Day.) The National Anthem is a song that is so dear to me…I absolutely love it, and it is such an honor to sing that song at events (one of my life goals is to sing that song at a NASCAR race…yes, I’m serious!).

Friday: Was asked at the last minute to go to an Angels’ game with 3 people from my Bible study group. They have season tickets, in great seats. It was awesome! I’m not really a fan of any particular baseball team, but the game is pretty fun. Great evening with awesome people. And the Angels won!!

Another highlight: I discovered (thanks to Chris and Jen Burgan last night) another alternative to milk! They are also lactose intolerant, like so many Americans, and they gave me tons of tips.

The product that they actually had me try was “Almond Milk.” It is SOOO good! Seriously, I know it may sound weird, and I am definitely not a fan of most milk substitutes (i.e. Rice Milk, Soy Milk, etc), but this one was good! I tried regular and chocolate. I am really excited! I am pretty much getting to the point of having to cut ALL dairy out of my diet, so I am searching for alternatives. EXCITING!

I have about 400 pages to read today, which is just a bit overwhelming…but that’s okay. That’s why I’m in college! It really was a great (and FAST) week…many adventures, with many more to come, I’m sure.

Have a great day!