What a weekend! I was able to hang out with my friend Crystal, from ASP, on Saturday night–and that was awesome! It was so great to see the Lord’s work in her life, and to catch up with a good friend after 6 months.

I’m not freaking out as much about seeing my former best-friend (see previous post) as I was a couple of days ago. I know that this is not a coincidence, and I know that the Lord will prepare us for this meeting–at least we both have a month to get ready.

I have begun to prepare for camp this week–for my Bible study and the devotions I will lead, for the girls with whom I will be spending the week…and I am excited! While in prayer the other day, God gave me the best idea for a “theme” to carry throughout the week in my devotionals: “Crazy.” This goes along with the theme for the entire camp, which is living for God 100%, all or nothing.

How does this correlate? My theme is actually a song by MercyMe. It appears to be based on 1 Corinthians 1:18-31. This song has been running through my mind a lot in the past week, and it is causing me to rethink my own life and how I’ve been living. It’s time to make some changes.

Crazy by MercyMe

Why I would I spend my life longing

for the day that it would end?

Why would I spend my time pointing to another man?

Isn’t that crazy?

How can I find hope in dying, with promises unseen?

How can I learn your way is better

than everything I’m taught to be?

Isn’t that crazy?

I have not been called to the wisdom of this world

But to a God who’s calling out to me.

And even though the world may think

I’m losing touch with reality,

It would be crazy to choose this world over eternity!

And if I boast let me boast of filthy rags made clean;

And if I glory let me glory in my Savior’s suffering.

Isn’t that crazy?

And as I live this daily life I trust you for everything;

And I will only take a step when I feel You leading me.

Isn’t that crazy?

Lately everything that I have been reading has pointed me in the direction of realizing what really is important in life, and what is really worth living for. As my Monday night Bible study group has been reading through Ecclesiastes, we have noticed that there is one central lesson in the entire book: If God is not glorified in your life or in what you are doing, WHAT’S THE POINT? Solomon sums everything up in this verse: “Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” (Ecc. 12:13)

Like the song says, “it would be crazy to choose this world over eternity.” To me that doesn’t just mean the afterlife…it means everything in our present lives as well.

It has just become very clear to me that I need to live 100% for God…I don’t know what that will look like practically speaking…but I know that unless God is a part of everything that I do, say, think, etc., then it is all meaningless. Like Solomon, I am realizing that all the work that we do, everything we gain, in the end it is all meaningless unless it is for the Kingdom of God.

Am I crazy? Perhaps. But this is how I want to live, and already I have felt more fulfilled, more content, and more prepared than ever before to face whatever is ahead.

“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.”

–Colossians 3:3-4

It was a sunny, warm Northern California summer day. We stood by my car, as I prepared to leave to drive home. I’d be leaving for college in L.A. in the next two days, so this was our last visit together. He’d been my best guy-friend for years…and this summer we’d only grown closer. He was someone I praised God for constantly, for he had become closer than a brother to me. We hugged, promised to keep in touch, and made plans for me to come visit in a month for his birthday…

And that was the last I heard from him…for three years…

No reason…no explanation…just nothing from him. Hurt? Oh yeah. Devastated? Nearly. To lose your best-friend that quickly, with NO reason whatsoever is “kinda” painful.

I tried to visit, kept writing, to no avail. I gave up until last May, before I left for Pennsylvania, when the Lord urged me to write “one more letter”. I didn’t want to, but I did. When I arrived in PA, there was a letter on my bed from him…I sat on that bed holding the letter for so long…what did it say? Did I really want to read it? I finally did, and my heart began to heal. He apologized for all that he had done, and wanted to start our friendship again. I was amazed…cautious, but amazed.

We corresponded through November, and then I didn’t hear from him again. He had given me his new numbers, so I called when I was in the area because he also said that he wanted to get together to catch up in person. No answer. No response.

It’s been 7 months since I last heard from him.

And yesterday I found out that I will be spending 6 days with him this summer, at camp, as counselors…

Wow.

I freaked out a little yesterday, and my heart pounded as I tried to verify the news I had received. It’s true. My former best friend is going to be at camp with me for 6 days at the end of June.

What am I going to do when I see him? What is he like now? What will I say?

All I know is that God has made this happen–there is no way this is a coincidence. I cannot wait to see my former best-friend, to reconcile, to catch-up, and maybe to get some reasons for why he left my life so suddenly. We will have one evening before the campers arrive to talk, and I pray that the opportunity is given! I cannot believe that I will be able to see him…but my heart is filled with trepidation. Three years is a long time…I just have to trust the Lord fully with this one, and just continue to prepare myself for leading camp…that is my true purpose for being there–to lead and disciple the youth that come to this camp…

…but I am grateful that I will get to see him as well.

Last night, as I was lounging in the living room reading, one of my roommates returned from a month in Europe! So finally, after 3 weeks or so, I have a roommate. I found out that there is only one other girl moving in, and she should be here any day. So far I think that things will go really well–Jes seems to be very friendly, really sweet, and I think we’ll get along just fine…which will be a welcome change after last semester! 🙂

So I mentioned yesterday that I wanted to post some Elisabeth Elliot quotes…and I will. 🙂 I wish I could post them all, but no one wants to read all of them. So here are a few, my favorites–and the ones that spoke to my heart so clearly.

“Taken in a spirit of trust, even loneliness contributes to the maturing of character, even the endurance of separation and silence and that hardest thing of all, uncertainty, can build in us a steady hope.”

Loneliness is difficult–but it is something we all face at one time or another. God is teaching me each day that I need to find my fulfillment in Him, because no man can complete me fully…only God can. And if I learn to rest in Him, then I will be able to more fully love the man I will marry someday.

“Suppose He should ask me to wait five years? It stuns me to think of it. Yet–could I imagine that the mercy of God which has stretched to me from everlasting to everlasting could be exhausted in five years?”

That quote especially spoke to me because I’ve already been waiting almost 6 years…and often the thought that I might be waiting another 6 makes my heart despair…but this quote has caused me to think a great deal about this, for whomever God has for me will be worth the wait, no matter how long it takes. I just have to be patient, learn to be “content whatever the circumstances” as Paul tells us…because really, what is another 5 years? It’s not like those years will be a waste by any means…so I need to remember that it is okay to be single, it is okay to be uncertain about the future, because God knows and is in control.

Last night I spent a great deal of time listening to the profound lyrics of my favorite band, Caedmon’s Call…and one song in particular stood out to me as embodying my struggles. Here are some of the lyrics to “Table For Two”, from their “Forty Acres” album.

Danny and I spent another late night over pancakes…

We made speculations on the whos and the whens of our futures,

and how everyone’s lonely but still we just couldn’t complain.

And how we just hate being alone,

Could I have missed my only chance?

And now I’m just wasting my time looking around.

But you know I know better, I’m not going to worry about nothing.

‘Cause if the birds and the flowers survive then I’ll make it okay.

Given a chance and a rock see which one breaks a window

and see which one keeps me up all night and into the day…

This day’s been crazy but everything’s happened on schedule,

from the rain and the cold to the drink that I spilled on my shirt.

But you knew this day long before I fell dead in the garden.

You knew this day long before you made me out of dirt.

And you know the plans you have for me,

and you can’t plan the end and not plan the means,

so I suppose I just need some peace

just to get me to sleep.

Caedmon’s Call seriously has the most amazingly profound and REAL lyrics…they deal with problems that we ALL face, and I love them. They are coming to San Diego in July for a free concert, and I am praying that I’ll be able to make it down there to see them again! They came to APU my freshman year, and it was incredible.

Sorry for the long posts lately! I just have been learning so much, and blogging about it helps me to continually process that which I have learned. I pray that God might use these quotes to speak to you as well…

Have a great weekend!

Received this in an email from a friend today–thought it was worth reading!

WHY ARE WE STILL THERE???

Every day there are news reports about more deaths.

Every night on TV there are photos of death and destruction.

Why are we still there?

We occupied this land, which we had to take by force,

but it causes us nothing but trouble.

Some of our children go there and never come back.

Why are we still there?

Their government is unstable, and they have an unstable leadership.

Many of their people are uncivilized.

The place is subject to natural disasters,

which we are supposed to bail them out of. Why are we still there?

There are more than 1000 religious sects, which we do not understand.

Their folkways, foods and fads are unfathomable to ordinary Americans.

We can’t even secure their borders.

Why are we still there?

They are billions of dollars in debt

and it will cost billions more to

rebuild their infrastructure,

which we can’t afford.

Why are we still there?

It is becoming clear to us all…

WE MUST PULL OUT OF CALIFORNIA AT ONCE!

Bet you didn’t expect that ending! 🙂

Lately I have been reading a lot, and it has been a wonderful experience. Last night I read the first half of Elisabeth Elliot’s book “Passion and Purity”–and it is NOT as horrible as it sounds! 🙂

It is the story of her relationship with Jim Elliot, one of my personal heroes, and about the incredible waiting she had to do before God led them to a marriage relationship. Since I have been single for about 6 years now, I can empathize completely!

Let me just say that this woman is one of the wisest women I have ever read…this book is speaking to my heart in SO many ways! I will post some quotes later from this book, but God is using this book in great ways in my life right now. I love when that happens!

LA is currently in the middle of what is typically known as “June Gloom”…yesterday was the first sunny day we have had in two weeks. Amazing, LOL. It is overcast and cool today–and I LOVE it! Perfect weather to curl up with a good book and a warm blanket, while sipping hot chocolate (my latest liquid “obsession”…last month it was apple juice, and before that lemonade)…

Advice for the day: Read Elisabeth Elliot if you ever have the opportunity–both men and women! 🙂

I think my graduating class (High School) is cursed or something…I just found out that a young man that I have known since at least 2nd grade was killed Tuesday night in a horrible motorcycle accident. Here’s an article about it. This makes 4 or 5 deaths and 1 suicide for Red Bluff High’s Class of 2001…so sad! 😦

Sometimes, because of my optimistic tendencies, it may appear that my life is perfect, that nothing is wrong, and that I don’t have any problems. And, for the most part, my life has thankfully not been filled with huge difficulties or problems in the past year or so…but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t little things that bother me or upset me.

Currently, I am going through a time of growth, for lack of a better explanation…things that have happened, things that I have learned or experienced in the past year are all culminating and I am overwhelmed with trying to sort through this mass of things that have seemingly been “heaped” upon me all at once…it’s rough, but we all go through these times.

Last night I decided to make a list of “Things that don’t make me smile” (which I will not post here) and the more I wrote, the more things came to mind. It intrigued me…

A good friend called me last night, unexpectedly, and the conversation that we had was more helpful than I had ever imagined. I hadn’t talked to this friend in a while, and as we talked I realized that things were as they used to be…this was the friend that I know and love…and it filled my heart with joy, even as we were discussing difficult things…

He reminded me that it’s okay to have bad days, it’s okay to be pessimistic once in a while, because we need to make sure to evaluate things realistically–otherwise we can end up going crazy. He told me, as he has in the past, that sometimes I forget that it’s okay to lean on other people–because usually people lean on me and come to me for encouragement and support, and I tend to push my own needs aside in order to help others. It’s okay to need to be encouraged–and I definitely know that is true.

I have long pushed aside a few things that I never wanted to deal with–and I never planned on dealing with–and I am realizing now that I need to handle these things…I need to heal completely, otherwise I cannot move past these things.

Growing is never easy, and I believe that the Lord is using these things to strengthen me, to cause me to grow in my faith, and to grow closer to Him. I just wanted to be honest with my blog readers about my “imperfect” life, as it may appear to be a little too perfect most of the time 🙂

“And You know the plans You have for me, and You can’t plan the end and not plan the means…so I suppose I just need some peace just to get me to sleep…”

–Caedmon’s Call

Forgot to mention the discovery I made yesterday…

There were very severe storms in the Midwest yesterday, so my mom mentioned that she was watching the Weather Channel. So, I thought that–since I had cable, and since we have every channel imaginable–I’d turn it on as well…

We don’t get the Weather Channel.

What’s up with that? That is an essential element of cable television! In the past few years, when I have had access to satellite or cable television, it has been one of the only channels I have used, as I like to know what the weather is going to be like, and I like to learn about meteorology.

Anyway, I cannot believe that we have 6 ESPN’s, 4 Discovery Channels, 3 HBO’s etc., and NO WEATHER CHANNEL! Ridiculous, LOL…