Author: lesabrackbill

“Love is Life”

Leo Tolstoy once said:

 

“Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.”

 

My relationship with God is the most important aspect of my life. This relationship has led me to spend two summers in full-time ministry in Williamsport, Pennsylvania (where I will most likely be moving next year)…it has led to countless hours in youth work, worship ministry, etc. But most importantly, this relationship has shaped who I am and all that I strive to be.

Lately, due to many extenuating circumstances, my time with God has taken a backseat to everything else going on in my life. Last night, as I sat alone in my apartment, I decided to spend time with my Maker…and I did. I spent 2 hours praying, singing, reading, etc., which made me realize how much I have missed this time with Him. This post is a reflection of what I learned last night, because this is going to change many aspects of my life over the next few months.

 

“The joy of the Lord is your strength.” –Nehemiah 8:10

 

My strength, my joy, my serenity comes from the Lord. I have never been content with the ways of this world. Yet, lately, I haven’t been seeking my refuge in the arms of the Lord as I used to…and this needs to change. For, as MercyMe so eloquently put it,

 

“I have not been called to the wisdom of this world but to a God who’s calling out to me. And even though the world may think I’m losing touch with reality, it would be crazy to choose this world over eternity.”

What really matters in life? What is worth living for?

Love.

“Healer heal me

Savior save me

Maker change me

Lover love me

‘Cause I’m so tired of living for

The kind of love

That only lasts for a while

The pain, the shame

Tear me up inside

So I fall on my knees

To get back on my feet again

And I cry out for You

Would You please speak to me…”–Ten Shekel Shirt

Love is the most important thing. Not the kind of love that is fleeting, but the love that is eternal. Jesus told us that the greatest commandment is to love God with all we are and have, and to love our neighbors as ourselves. Is there anything more important in life?

1 John tells us that because God first loved us, we can more fully love. If I am relying on the love of my Lord for my strength and for my fulfillment, then I am able to love freely, without worrying about what I will get in return. I will be able to care for my neighbors, for those in need. And, when I love this way, God gives us life abundantly.

“But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard–things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshall and direct our energies wisely.”

–Galatians 5:22-23 (The Message)

Love is life…love is everything. And I want to love more…more freely…more abundantly…I want to fully embrace the “greatest commandment”, for that is all that really matters in life. I want to live unapologetically, and how better to do that than to serve God with all that I am?

I don’t know how this is going to play out in my life practically, but I know that I have decided to once more live as my Lord has called me to live, which is to love.

“He’s everything to me, more than a story…”

“You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone…”

Sigh…here I am, at the library on my day off…why? Because I have realized that I have an addiction. I always suspected it, but now it has become clear: I am addicted to the internet. Not having the internet at my apartment yet has been so frustrating. I have felt so isolated, so lonely–because I have no roommates until June 1st and most of my friends are not here for the summer…I have realized just how much the internet can make you feel connected with the outside world!

I should have my laptop back today, then i can upgrade to XP and the world will be better. I will have wireless internet again. Then I won’t feel so alone…

But it has been great to have this huge apartment to myself…cable television with about 700 channels (though I don’t watch TV much.)…I was able to watch the Frasier finale last night, with no loud roommates. It was beautiful. Sad though, because Frasier is done!

Alright, anyway, yeah. Just wanted to post about my newfound addiction to the internet world. 🙂

The List Returns…

After some contemplation, I decided to re-post my list…it was really interesting to go back through my life and find things that people might find interesting, as well as to remember for myself all that I have been through in these 21.5 years.

So, here it is, completed now!

One hundred things about Lesa Close

1. I was born December 31, 1982 in Hayward, California.

2. I have lived in California for my entire life exception: 2 summers in Pennsylvania and one semester in D.C., totaling one year.)

3. I have one brother, who is graduating from high school this year.

4. My parents, Ken and DeAnne, are amazing, and have been a constant support in my life.

5. I love the color orange.

6. My relationship with God is the most important aspect of my life.

7. I have experienced 2 earthquakes over 5.0 on the Richter Scale, and countless others, throughout my lifetime.

8. Ketchup is my favorite food.

9. I play 6 musical instruments (piano, guitar, flute, French horn, clarinet, and mandolin).

10. Singing is my favorite thing to do, and I do it often.

11. I was a vocal performance major when I entered college.

12. I am a senior (second-semester) Political Science major/History minor at Azusa Pacific University.

13. I will graduate (hopefully cum laude) May 7th, 2005 with my B.A.

14. I have an eight inch scar in the shape of a Nike sign on my right forearm.

15. The scar is the result of two surgeries on my radial nerve.

16. After the second surgery, I had “Radial Nerve Palsy” (or paralysis) for 5 months.

17. In third grade, our water heater exploded and our garage caught on fire.

18. I was in the shower when it happened, so I had to run across the street in a towel, to my Great-Aunt and Uncle’s house.

19. One of my “Life Goals” is to travel to all 50 states…

20. I have been to 23 thus far.

21. I have a passion for youth, junior-high age especially, and work with them on a weekly basis.

22. I love sunsets.

23. My favorite animal is the moose.

24. I wanted to be an astronaut from age 5 to age 16, and seriously considered attending the Air Force Academy and majoring in Astrophysics.

25. In high school, I graduated with a GPA of 3.998, missing “Graduation with Distinction and Honor” by .02. (Note: My school does not have a single valedictorian, rather, everyone with a GPA of 4.0 or above graduates with the above mentioned honors). I was bitter for a long time.

26. Caedmon’s Call is my favorite band.

27. I am lactose intolerant…

28. Ice cream used to be my favorite food.

29. Fireflies bring me immense joy.

30. I am planning on moving to Williamsport, Pennsylvania in one year.

31. My ultimate dream is to live and work in the District of Columbia.

32. I have not dated in six years.

33. Jeffery Dommer gave me nightmares when I was in second grade (the cannibal).

34. I used to speak Spanish fluently.

35. I plan on learning Greek and Italian in the next year.

36. I have been a lead in three musicals.

37. In one of those, my character got married…

38. The groom (in real-life) was gay.

39. I was a nun in the next musical (not because of kissing the guy).

40. The Concert Choir director at my high school returned my sophomore year as a woman.

41. I did not sing in Concert Choir in high school.

42. I have written at least 5 papers on books I did not read.

43. I am the running mate for Zachary Ritter (R-PA) in 2028 for the White House.

44. If I decided to sing professionally, I would be in a group that was a mix between Avalon and Manhattan Transfer.

45. I play Counter-Strike.

46. I have attended several all-night “LAN Parties” (usually the only girl there).

47. One of my “stress-relievers” is http://www.homestarrunner.com

48. Another one is mowing lawns, though I am increasingly allergic to the grass.

49. I love to garden…to feel the cool earth between my fingers…to help things grow…

50. Frank Sinatra is amazing.

51. I love NASCAR and many other forms of racing.

52. I have been attending races (especially IHBA—boat—races) my entire life.

53. This does NOT make me a redneck.

54. I have my “Certificate of Proficiency” in Automotive Repair.

55. My father is an incredible painter.

56. He had an offer to paint for NASCAR at one time.

57. He paints cars, boats, go-karts, etc. He is amazing.

58. I inherited nearly none of his artistic ability.

59. My mom has been a travel agent for most of my life.

60. She has gone on several free vacations—what a job!

61. My immediate and extended family on my mom’s side is incredibly tight.

62. We have family reunions every year, and have had them for more than 40 years.

63. I love to surprise people and have done some detailed surprises in the past.

64. I love pranks.

65. Capture the Flag is a favorite pastime.

66. I am an aunt, though my only sibling has no children.

67. “The Picture of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde is my favorite piece of literature.

68. While in D.C., I met a number of “important people”: Colin Powell, Newt Gingrich, John Ashcroft (twice), and others.

69. I saw the President four times and the First Lady twice.

70. In seventh grade, I almost smoked marijuana after being told I was too “goody-goody” and would never do something like that.

71. I realized how stupid it was, and never did it.

72. Funny thing, I earned more respect from those guys by changing my mind than I would have by smoking it.

73. The longest I have stayed awake is 29 hours.

74. I sang a solo in front of 8,000 people when I was 15 years old at a State Youth Conference.

75. That was the day I realized that I loved being in front of people, for the thrill and the energy I felt in those five minutes were absolutely indescribable.

76. I have nearly perfect pitch.

77. I collect forks.

78. Why do I collect forks? Because everyone collects spoons, so I decided to be different.

79. I used to be “obsessed” with Jim Carrey, a long time ago.

80. My dad grew up with former pro-baseball player Dan Gladden (Giants, Twins, Tigers).

81. Because of this connection, we met (and have autographs from) several famous players, such as Cecil Fielder and Mickey Tettleton.

82. I am trying to be a contestant on Wheel of Fortune, because I know I can win on TV as much as I win at home and online.

83. I have some obsessive/compulsive tendencies that appear every once in a while.

84. Example: my clothes in my closet are in order—from long-sleeved to short sleeved—and by color, from light to dark…if they are out of order, I fix it.

85. I had my first crush when I was 3 years old (on an 8 year old).

86. In junior high school I was on the track team, and ran primarily the 200 and the 400.

87. I was spelling bee champion in 5th grade.

88. In 4th grade I lost to my eternal rival, Casey Coffman.

89. Casey was my first “boyfriend.”

90. He said that in order to be really dating we had to kiss.

91. He told me to meet him in the sandbox at lunch that day.

92. I did, but with friends along. No kiss.

93. I broke up with him the next day.

94. I am a published poet.

95. I went to the California state finals for “History Day” in 8th grade, with my video presentation on the Beatles.

96. Though I am a “California girl,” I am not exactly tan; my legs are eternally white.

97. My idea of a romantic date (one of them, anyway): Barnes and Nobles, sipping coffee while relaxing in the comfy chairs, discussing poetry or other related subjects…just enjoying each other’s company with no pressure to entertain.

98. When I was young, I used to tell my best-friends parents that I was allergic to certain foods, that I might avoid eating them.

99. In-N-Out Burger is the best—not only because of the food…best place to work, best pay, best atmosphere, etc. out of this type of establishment.

100. If I could have any animals as pets, I would have an egret, a moose, a duck and a squirrel.

“Everything to Me”

This song is so powerful, lyrically and muscially, and I will be singing it as a duet at church in the near future…just wanted to share the words, as it is so accurate of how I view my relationship with God.

Everything To Me

by Avalon

I grew up in sunday school

I memorized the Golden rule

And how Jesus came to set the sinner free

I know the story inside out

I can tell you all about

The path that led Him up to Calvary

But ask me why He loves me

And I don’t know what to say

But i’ll never be the same

Because he changed my life when He became…

Everything to me

He’s more than a story

more than words on a page of history

He’s the air that I breathe

The water I thirst for

And the ground beneath my feet

He’s everything, everything to me

We’re living in uncertain times

And more and more I find that i’m aware

Of just how fragile life can be

I want to tell the world I found

A love that turned my life around

They need to know that they can taste and see

Now everyday I’m praying

Just to give my heart away

I want live for Jesus

So that someone else might see that he is…

And looking back over my life at the end

I’ll go to meet you saying you’ve been…

You’re everything to me

You’re more than a story

More than words on a page of history

You’re the air that I breath

The water I thirst for

And the ground beneath my feet

You’re everything to me

Lord, you’re everything to me

Following the crowd….

I just wanted to post real quick to explain something…

I am not a follower.

My entire life, whenever “everyone” has been doing something, it has been an IMMEDIATE turnoff…just a few examples:

The color orange…I ‘discovered’ it in 8th grade, and my 10th grade year it became popular. It made me so mad that I didn’t wear it for awhile, until it was not as common.

The Lord of the Rings movies…I will not watch those until they aren’t an obsession for pretty much everyone I’ve met. Same goes for Reality TV–immediate turnoff to see so many people schedule their lives around television…I hardly watch TV at all. (no offense to those who do–this is just my opinion for my personal life!)

Etc…my parents can vouch for this individuality. Even with clothes–if something is “trendy” I could care less. I wear what I want to wear. I listen to the music that I want to listen to. I have come to the point in the past 4 or so years where I could care less what others think about me. Honestly. I just don’t care–because the only one I need to please is Jesus Christ…

Why am I blogging about this? Because there are some who think that I posted the list of 100 things because everyone was doing it. That is not the case. I did it because I had some free time (now that my life consists of work, church, and being at my apartment) and I thought it might help people to get a small glimpse of who I am…I thought it might be interesting…granted, I did get the idea from some others, but I did not do it because it is “trendy.”

Sorry for the rant…I’m a bit annoyed, a bit hurt, and I wanted to clarify my thoughts.

Note that the list has been deleted.

Back in Los Angeles…

Wow, what a weekend. I can’t believe that it is already over!

I went to Illinois/Indiana this weekend, for Michael’s graduation from Olivet Nazarene University, and it was a fabulous weekend.

Friday: Plane, Portillo’s Hotdogs (A Chicago classic), Honor Society induction banquet, baccalaureate, chilling in the apartment.

Saturday: VERY early wake-up, graduation, moving out of the apartment, drive to Indiana, dinner and “party” with Michael’s family.

Sunday: Mother’s Day, church, musical at the high school, severe storms (and storm chasing…Michael and I decided to be adventurous! We drove through an area where a tornado had been not long before we got there! Scary!), great time with his family.

Monday: CHICAGO 🙂 Picnic by Lake Michigan, Shedd Aquarium, Michigan Avenue (tulips everywhere), dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, beautiful evening.

Tuesday: Mt. Baldy, downtown Valparaiso, drive to Midway (traffic was horrendous!), flew home…arrived at LAX after being on a plane for 6 hours because of a layover in Phoenix. I was the only one staying on that flight to LAX, so I had the plane to myself for about 30 minutes! Kinda cool!

I got home around 11:30pm and had to move in and get settled in my new apartment. I love it so much! I have a huge room, my own bathroom, and the entire apartment is mine for a month because my roommates are traveling until the end of May/beginning of June. I love it!

Anyway, just wanted to give a little update. My weekend was amazing…many special and memorable moments, great company, good times…although the tornados were a little much for this California girl!

Third year: FINISHED

I have officially completed my third year at Azusa Pacific University, and am now a second-semester senior! Wow…what a year! I am SO glad that I am done! I checked out of my apartment today, and am staying with Sara, Leslie and Jessica (since Leslie is taking me to the airport at 4:30am!!)…I am free…

I moved today, all day…I have a few things in my new apartment, and I LOVE it!! I will be by myself most of May, because the other two girls will be traveling…how awesome is that?! I’ll have cable, DSL, and a two bedroom, two bathroom apartment to myself! 🙂 I need this time, though…it will be wonderful to just relax. God is SO good!

I have to get up so early tomorrow–thankfully I have a four-hour flight tomorrow to sleep on!

OH–good news! Remember my post about Medieval Europe? Well…I passed the hardest final in my college career…with a B+ in the class now!!! PRAISE THE LORD! I worked SO hard in that class…so I am not disappointed with a B like I normally would be!

Anyway, time to try to rest…I get to see Michael tomorrow!! 🙂

I want a villa in Tuscany…

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a change of pace in life…a drastic change…

You go a dream vacation, a tour of Italy, and while strolling the street in a small town you notice a sign in a window. The sign is not dramatic, nor is it large…but it catches your attention. It is in Italian of course, and since you have yet to learn the language, all you can discern is that a villa is for sale. The photo is captivating; You have nothing to lose, you have the money, so you decide to buy it; it needs a great deal of renovation, but you are up to the task. And your new life begins…a villa in Tuscany, overlooking flowering fields and rolling hills…and it’s all yours…

Sigh…

I wish I could take the credit for this story idea, but alas, it is not my own. I just watched “Under the Tuscan Sun” after packing all day today…and it was very inspiring. I have always wanted to go to Italy…my dream is to go to Florence (on my honeymoon–though I won’t be disappointed going somewhere else!!)…i want to learn Italian (more than just the Italian I sing) so that I can fully embrace the Italian culture and environment…I long to see the art, the history…Italy just seems so wonderful…and granted, I know that no place is perfect, but it is the place of my dreams.

Sigh…

Anyway, now I am dreaming of Italy…I’ll go there someday…

One final left! I’ll be done at 11am or so! Then it is off to “Sweet Home Chicago” for me! 🙂 Less than 2 days…

I want a villa in Tuscany…

YAY!!

Just wanted to say that I finished the Medieval Europe final in an hour…wow…I am done with that class! I think I did reasonably well, too, surprisingly. 🙂 My arm survived, but just barely. My poor nerves are in pain right now, but that’s life for Lesa Close! 🙂 ANyway, 1 down, 2 to go (plus a paper)!

The big day…

In one hour, my hardest final EVER begins…am I ready? I actually feel about 75% ready! Michael helped me study last night by drilling me on the dates, names, etc. that I have to know for this Medieval Europe class. The test is ALL essay…which concerns me as far as my arm behaving today and actually being able to write…God will take care of me!

Last night I had a wonderful time with my friend (and former roommate of 1.5 years) Allison. She came out for this week to see everyone, as she studied abroad for a year and then took a semester off. It was so awesome to catch up with her, see what God has been doing in her life, etc. What a friend she has been! We reminisced about all our crazy times as roommates freshman year…oh, the things we did! 🙂 Anyway, we stayed out on the lawn until 2am…good times…

Alright, pray for me if you read this! I’ll be done around 2:15pm, at the latest…may God help me remember all of this!!