Category: My Walk With God

Guatemala-Bound…

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Tomorrow’s the day! I can’t believe it’s already been six months since I began preparing for this journey. I cannot thank all of you enough for your support, prayers, and encouragement! Between your financial generosity and all the supplies you so generously provided, I’m fully-funded and taking FIFTY POUNDS of supplies with me!

For updates on our trip, you can check out this blog  and I will also try to post updates on Facebook when possible.

Here’s our general itinerary:

Sunday, February 2nd – Team arrives in Guatemala City and prepare for ministry (shopping, orientation, supply sorting, etc).
Monday, February 3rd – Team travels to Xela and meets children at Little House of Refuge. There will be cooking classes for the older girls, a cardboard boat regatta for the boys, and playtime for the younger girls.
Tuesday, February 4th – Team serves at Little House of Refuge (project work and teaching in the morning and time with the kids in the afternoon).
Wednesday, February 5th – Team travels to Antigua (a 3-5 hour journey), and has an afternoon of respite before preparing for ministry on Thursday.
Thursday, February 6th – Team distributes food and shares the Gospel at a local garbage dump called “The Ravine” in the morning in Chimatenango (a 45-minute journey), and spends time with the girls at Mi Especial Tesoro in the afternoon.
Friday, February 7th – Team serves at the Ravine School in Chimaltenango in the morning, and spends the afternoon with the girls at Mi Especial Tesoro.
Saturday, February 8th – Team serves alongside girls of Mi Especial Tesoro, ministering to the elderly at Cabacitas de Algodon in the morning, followed by a special farewell lunch. Team returns to Guatemala City in the afternoon.
Saturday, February 9th – Team returns to the United States.
Here is some information about the ministries with which we will be serving, as provided by our team leaders:
Casa Hogar: Mi Pequeño Refugio (Little House of Refuge or Little House) – Xela, Guatemala
(on a map, look for the city of Quetzaltenango)
Pequeño Refugio is a private orphanage run by sisters Lourdes and Teresa. This Christian children’s home houses up to 70 kids at a time ages 4 – 18.  All of the children that reside at “Little House” have been removed from their families due to abuse of some kind.  In addition to the home, there is a school on the property. In addition to education, each child receives psychological counseling and Bible teaching. These children are amazing when it comes to Biblical knowledge – chances are, they’ll be able to recite all the scriptures we’ll use in our time with them! Courtney and Ronne (the team leaders) have considered Little House our “home away from home” since 2009, when we were privileged to be a part of the first team of missionaries to visit the orphanage.  Orphan Outreach “adopted” Little House that same year, and now church teams from all over the US have answered prayer after prayer. These teams have done construction & painting, helped provide livestock and clean drinking water, taught job skills, established a sponsorship program, and most importantly, just spent time loving on kids.

Mi Especial Tesoro – Chimaltenango, Guatemala
Houseparents Cesar and Carol provide a loving home for 13 teenage girls as well as an 18-year old daughter and 9-year old son of their own.  Tesoro is a private Christian girl’s home where the girls receive biblical guidance, emotional support, and stability to aid in their healing.  The girls in this home have been removed from their families by the court system due to abuse or neglect.  Orphan Outreach just celebrated their first anniversary ministering to Mi Especial Tesoro, and we have been blessed to be there every step of the way so far. In just a year, tremendous work has been done to provide improvements to living facilities, give the girls much-needed personal items, build a sponsorship program for ongoing care and support of each girl, and establish a loving, nurturing relationship with everyone there.

The Ravine and The Ravine School – Chimaltenango, Guatemala

The Ravine School serves the children of the families that work in the city of Chimaltenango’s garbage dump, which is located in a ravine outside the city. The school was created in the minds and souls of the Mi Especial Tesoro caregivers, Carol and Cesar. The school started from an effort to teach the girls of My Special Treasure about serving others. In 2012, Carol and Cesar starting bringing the MST girls to the ravine dump to assist the children and families each Saturday. Around 100 people work at the ravine dump everyday, searching and sorting for things they can re-sell at the market on the weekends.  These families work from 12 to 14 hours a day of work making roughly between 3 to 4 US dollars a day. Their job is difficult, but it is worthy of admiration and respect because these parents work hard to be able to provide for their children in an honest and worthy way.

Cabecitas de Algodon 
Just a short walk from the center of Antigua, this nursing home provides a place for elderly residents that would otherwise be homeless.  Many of the residents either have no family to care for them or have been dropped off because their families don’t have the resources to provide basic necessities.  Though our visit will be brief, it will bring joy to the residents who are happy to see friendly faces.
  • Please pray for our team as we serve the beautiful people of Guatemala. We are all excited and can’t wait to see what God does in and around us this week.
  • Pray that we will be flexible and open to whatever God has in store!
  • For me specifically, please pray for the continued safety of our little baby (14 weeks tomorrow) as I travel. We’re starting him/her as a traveler from the beginning! 🙂
  • Please also pray that God will work in my heart this week in mighty ways.
There will be plenty of pictures and stories when I return! 🙂

The Results of Being Thankful…

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Yesterday, our pastor was discussing prayer and worship (1 Timothy 2: 1-8), and he said something that I had never thought about. Since I’ve been in church my entire life, it’s always great when God uses familiar Scripture to teach me something new!

Ephesians 5: 1- 4:

Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.  Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God.

Instead. This is how you could live, but instead, “let there be thankfulness…”

Paul is saying something so simple, yet so profound:
If we are thankful, it will be much harder to sin.

Think about it:

  • If we are thankful for all that God has done, we will love Him and no other false gods.
  • If we are thankful for our spouse, we won’t cheat.
  • If we are thankful for our job, we won’t be lazy.
  • If we are thankful for our “neighbors” and family, we will love selflessly and won’t harm them.
  • If we are thankful for what God has provided, we won’t covet/steal what others have.
  • If we are thankful for the mercy that God has shown us, we will show mercy to those around us more freely.
  • If we are thankful, we won’t be selfish.

I did a quick word study to see where the word “thankful” or “thanks” appears in the Bible, and this is what I found:

Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God,  and keep the vows you made to the Most High…giving thanks is a sacrifice that truly honors me. (Psalm 50:14, 23a)

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart. (Colossians 4:2)
And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. (Colossians 3:15)
Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness. (Colossians 2:7)
  • When we are thankful, we recognize that God is the provider of everything we have, which also humbles us.
  • When we are thankful for what we have, we are less likely to sin.
  • When we are thankful, we recognize that apart from God, we can do nothing…that He alone is God and we are merely human.
Sometimes being thankful is a natural response, and sometimes it is a sacrifice (as we see throughout Psalms) because it goes against our human nature and how we feel at the moment. Nevertheless, God is pretty clear about this concept: Be thankful ALWAYS, even when you don’t feel like it.

Day Nine: I’m Thankful For…Mr. Milton S. Hershey

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Preface: Last year I decided to express my thanks during the month of November for something new each day, as so many others have done before me. I never finished this series, so that’s my goal this year. I am re-posting the ones I wrote last year and adding new ones. This was originally posted on 11/09/12 (with slight changes made today).

I used to say that if I could meet any historical figure it would be James Madison. While I would still love to sit down with Mr. Madison, I have a new answer to that question: Mr. Milton S. Hershey, truly one of the world’s greatest men.

In a world filled with greed and selfishness, hearing stories and accounts of truly amazing and generous people is very refreshing. Mr. Hershey fits the very definition of selflessness.

In 1909, Mr. & Mrs. Hershey decided to start a school for orphaned boys, as they couldn’t have children of their own. The school still exists today and has 1,850 students who live here and are educated, fed, clothed, taken care of medically/dentally, etc.,  for free. Mr. Hershey gave his entire fortune, twice, to the school to ensure that it could exist FOREVER, and the school is still here more than 100 years later! It’s the whole reason that the Chocolate and the other properties exist today – to help fund the school. 

In the past three years of working for one of his companies and for his school, I have learned so much about the man and his vision. The more I learn, the more I love and respect him, even though I’ve never had the privilege of meeting him. Without Mr. Hershey’s vision and determination this would likely still be a rural area with a struggling economy, and thousands of boys and girls would never have been impacted by the school that he and his wife began. And it all started with chocolate. 🙂

Now that we work for the Milton Hershey School (caring for HIS kids), I am even more thankful for what he left as a legacy (to read more about why we love working for MHS, see this post). He was a man determined to put others before himself and he was always focused on giving his wealth where it was most needed. These kids have a safe, loving environment to grow up in at no cost to them or their families…all because Mr. Hershey didn’t see wealth as something to hold on to, but something to give to those in need.

He built the entire town of Hershey for his employees–that they might have a great place to live, work, and play. I have loved living in and near Hershey for the past few years, surrounded by such a rich history.

There’s so much more that could be said about him. I’m so thankful that he was not blinded by his wealth, nor was he selfish. Instead, he gave it all away so that “his kids” would be funded indefinitely and ensured of a better life. And that’s a great reason to buy Hershey’s Chocolate 🙂

The Help Experiment

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Our culture has become so individualistic and compartmentalized that we rarely take the time to help other people.

It’s rare that we even notice a need because we’re so wrapped up in our own lives and our own problems.

It breaks my heart that we are surprised and excited when we hear that someone helped someone else selflessly, expecting nothing in return. It happens so rarely that it is always unexpected and stunning. Shouldn’t the opposite be stunning – that we can ignore the needs of someone else without a thought?

And yet, what if the norm could be changed?

The Help Experiment is seeking to do just that: to make helping people the norm and not the exception.

Everyone has skills, talents, passions that can help someone else! From offering financial advice to preparing a meal for you, we’ve already seen some AMAZING and selfless offers from individuals.

Helping people doesn’t just impact the recipient – it impacts the giver as well (as evidenced in this video, for example).

Come, join us. There are no obligations to give. If you need something, you can also make requests to the group!

“Joining does not mean you must participate in any fashion, we would love for you to simply come on in and check us out! You never know, someone might be offering some help that you need, right now! We help because we can, we help because we should and we help because we feel like… you would too.”

We’re here to help each other, and by doing so, we just might change the world.

To read more about The Help Experiment, check out this blog by one of my fellow leadership team members.

Day Five: I’m Thankful For…Church Family

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Preface: Last year I decided to express my thanks during the month of November for something new each day, as so many others have done before me. I never finished this series, so that’s my goal this year. I am re-posting the ones I wrote last year and adding new ones. This was originally posted on 11/05/12 (with slight changes made today).

I have made two major moves in my life: the first was from Northern to Southern California (523 miles) for college in 2001; the second was from Southern California to Pennsylvania (3,000 miles) in 2008. Both moves were significant landmarks in my life, and both placed me far from my family, friends and comfort zone.

However, God is eternally faithful and He has continually brought me “church family” to take care of me, befriend me, and love me.

Within my first month of college, I found the First Baptist Church of Glendora and the friendships made there still stand strong today. The bond that I have with so many people there will last forever and I am so thankful for God’s leading! I know that I still have “family” in Glendora. I was so blessed to be surrounded by like-minded musicians and we made some incredible music together. I was surrounded by friends my age who were seeking to know Jesus more and more and they sharpened me. They encouraged me. They were sad to see me move in 2008 but recognized God’s hand in the journey and supported me all the way. I love them dearly.

Within my first month of moving to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, I found East Shore Baptist Church. From the first time I walked through those doors until now, I felt welcomed and loved. As soon as people discovered how far I had come and how far my family was from me, they stepped in and took care of me. They supported and encouraged me. They helped me find a husband 😉 (haha). When I lost my job, they ensured that I was fed and taken care of. One Sunday I found $200 in my Bible–which was exactly what I needed to finish paying my rent for the month. I have no idea who blessed me that day, but I am SO thankful.

The pastors allowed me to begin a ministry to the singles in the church (which is, ironically, where I became acquainted with Brennan) as this was a large people group within the church that was not being served. They encouraged me to use my gifts for the good of the body (even when it was uncomfortable–like playing guitar for worship…which I did every Sunday, two services, for two years and do all the time now) and never discouraged me from following God’s leading.

They allowed me to be on the leadership team for an amazing church plant called The Well at East Shore. I was the “Community Projects Coordinator” and was able to live out two of my passions: missions and serving. I planned community service projects for our church that we did the third Thursday of every month (that’s the night we met in order to reach those who can’t or won’t go to church on Sundays)…we chose to go BE the church on those nights instead of just sitting in church every week. It was a powerful way to be the hands and feet of Jesus to our community.

We eventually felt led to discontinue The Well, but God definitely had plans for our little church plant: It was through The Well that I met the Morrisons and the Shays. They came up from North Carolina to see Harrisburg in March 2010 as they were praying about where to plant a church. I helped show them around Harrisburg and we were able to show them where we were seeing God at work–EVERYWHERE! They felt led to come join God in the great work He is doing here and moved here in 2011. Brennan and I are now part of the church that they planted, Redeeming Grace Church, and they have become such a wonderful blessing to our lives. Redeeming Grace has brought us another wonderful church family and we are so blessed to call RGC our church home.

God has proven His love to me in so many ways, but this is one of the greatest: wherever He has called me to go, He has brought people alongside me who love and encourage me, and I love and encourage them as well. He is so faithful to care for us!

Thank you, Jesus, for providing amazing Christians who become family to me wherever I go…

New Chapter and Healing from the Previous One…

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I began a new chapter in my life this week – moving from unemployment/temporary work to a new, “permanent” position.

I had a difficult time in the weeks leading up to this new beginning as I was unsure of whether or not I should have accepted the position. It didn’t have anything to do with the job or the employer itself – it had everything to do with a “fear of commitment” in regards to jobs that I didn’t know I had developed. It had everything to do with past scars caused by some awful supervisors that I’ve had in the recent past. And it also had everything to do with the fact that this isn’t my “dream” – this isn’t what I feel so passionate about, and I was afraid that taking this job would prevent me from further pursuing that which God has placed in my heart. Essentially, I was afraid of what might be around the corner and I was afraid of making the wrong decision.

From the very first hour of my new job I began to see that the negative things about my past job are nonexistent here. From the smallest to the largest things, God has redeemed my employment situation. I also began to see that I had built a wall around my heart during my last job that was preventing me from being excited/feeling blessed about where God has brought me now. I didn’t realize that I had done this, but God is using new experiences each day to slowly remove one brick at a time, which is showing me just how high the wall had become. Still, even now, I am having a hard time letting myself be excited and letting myself just accept that God has brought me to a place where I am needed, wanted, affirmed, empowered, treated with respect, included…

Looking back (hindsight is 20/20, after all) over this past summer, there is no doubt in my mind that everything God allowed to happen was incredibly intentional:

May 17, 2013: Laid off from HE&R (SO THANKFUL!!!!), beginning a time of solitude, reflection, unknown, and healing.

At the same time, Brennan and I are beginning to feel that we shouldn’t be “regular relief houseparents” at the Milton Hershey School anymore due to family/church circumstances…we begin praying.

June/July: Able to do photography for Christian Retreat Center‘s camps because I was laid off, reminding me of my love for photography.

June 25: Jon Acuff sends out an email/blog post/tweet about joining him on an adventure and I accept.

Brennan and I decide to try to become “emergency relief” at MHS which would allow us to be home each weekend (unless called) and would allow us to still be involved with the students.

July 15: “The START Experiment” begins…my risk was to focus on self-discipline after several months of not-so-subtle nudging from the Lord…

July-August: I realize through the START Experiment and the accompanying community what my dream job really is and I begin to pursue it. I start Essential Harrisburg and begin sending my portfolio to potential organizations.

I also interviewed for this new job at MHS in August.

We are told that we wouldn’t be allowed to be “emergency relief” due to the number of couples already in that status. I also find out from HR a few days after my interview that I cannot accept a potential job offer from MHS if we are still “regular relief” because of the number of hours I would be working.

We are faced with an incredibly difficult decision to either quit or stay on as “regular relief”…

One Sunday, while covering a student home, my supervisor “just happens” to come by and I am able to pour my heart out to him regarding all of this and our desire to stay on with the school as houseparents.

We find out on September 3 that we have been granted “emergency relief” status…and an hour later, I am offered the job that I later accepted. 

September 12-17: I had the incredible privilege of attending “The START Conference” in Nashville, TN and finally got to meet some of the amazing friends I made through “The START Experiment” and was able to further clarify my “dream” and made some connections with professionals in that field. AMAZING. I came home filled with energy, excitement, peace, and even more trust in what God is doing behind the scenes.

Our God is not a God of coincidence. Nothing that happened this summer is a coincidence.

If I had not been laid off…if I had not accepted Jon’s offer of adventure…if…

This new chapter of life is still very new, and my future is still very “fuzzy” and obscure, but I already feel so at peace.

I know that God has placed the dream in my heart to travel around the world, taking pictures and telling stories, and I have no doubt that He will bring that to fruition in His timing. For now, I am going to do my best here, at a job about which I am passionate, telling the story of Mr. & Mrs. Hershey and their incredible generosity and legacy, while waiting for whatever God might have in the future.

 

 

Anything BUT Ordinary…

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I had an interview this past week for a potential part-time job, and during the interview the woman commented about my resume saying that I have had a very interesting life thus far. She noted the various types of jobs I have had (so diverse), the numerous skills and talents that I possess (also diverse), and, of course, noted the fact that I moved to Pennsylvania from California (that always surprises people).

As I was journaling this morning for my “Start Experiment” task, it got me thinking about my life and how I ended up the way that I am with the skills/talents/passions and experiences that I have; so, I started journaling it out because I remembered that Donald Miller emphasizes the importance of knowing your own story. I’ve never done anything like this before, but it was a really great exercise as I’m trying to figure out what specifically He has in store for me next.

As I wrote, I realized that I really have had an incredible, adventurous, unpredictable and blessed life. I decided that I should start blogging short segments of it because I also think that it can be encouraging (and entertaining) to others, as well as a way for me to reflect on the blessings God has so richly bestowed upon me.

I will try to start this process in the next week, so stay tuned!

The Start Experiment: Choosing Destruction Over God’s Perfect Plan

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In my “One Year Bible” the Old Testament passage today was from 2 Chronicles 25. It has been fascinating reading about all of the past kings of Israel and Judah and how they followed (or didn’t follow) God’s leading. In today’s passage, the king was following God but encountered fear when presented with a message from the Lord that required significant sacrifice.

For context, at this time, the nation of Israel was not following the Lord but the nation of Judah was. King Amaziah of Judah was building up his army so that he would be prepared when battle arose (which it often did). He surveyed his available troops and found that he didn’t have quite as many as he wanted to have; so, he hired men from Israel to join his troops and paid them 7,500 pounds of silver in exchange. That’s quite an investment.

After this, the Lord sent a messenger to King Amaziah to warn him to not bring in troops from Israel and said that if he added those troops he would surely fail in battle, no matter how well he fought. Essentially, the Lord said to not have anything to do with Israel because He knew what was best in the long run for King Amaziah and Judah.

v.8 If you let them go with your troops into battle, you will be defeated by the enemy no matter how well you fight. God will overthrow you, for he has the power to help you or to trip you up.

This brings us to the verse that struck me this morning:

v.9 Amaziah asked the man of God, “But what about all that silver I paid to hire the army of Israel?”

The man of God replied, “The Lord is able to give you much more than this!” 

Let’s sum this up. Amaziah hears from the Lord that if he continues with his plan he will be destroyed by the Lord Himself. His first thought is about the money that he invested and what he will lose if he follows what the Lord is telling him to do, not on the fact that the Lord is saving his life and the lives of his troops from certain destruction! God knew the hearts of the people of Israel and knew that it would be worse for them to infiltrate the army of Judah and spread their influence than to just destroy them all. So he has two choices: be destroyed and waste your investment, or be saved and waste your investment.

From our perspective this seems so ridiculous. We look at Amaziah and think, “What a moron! Be grateful!” But, if we think about this in simpler terms, we realize that we all do this. We convince ourselves that we “need” whatever our temptation may be and we don’t want to give it up because the sacrifice seems to be too great.

For King Amaziah, it was manpower and money. For me, it is sugar. I love ice cream. I love chocolate. I have a sweet tooth that is genetic. When faced with facts like a family history of diabetes, being overweight, knowledge that the longer I wait to reform my lifestyle the harder it will be, it seems like it should be as simple as deciding not to drink alcohol was (due to family history of alcoholism)…but it isn’t.

If I take the verses above and put them into my context, here’s how they would read:

If you keep allowing sugar and unhealthy eating be part of your life, you will be defeated by your desires no matter how well you fight. 

Lesa asked the man of God, “But what about all that I am going to miss out on? I will be giving up so much!”

The man of God replied, “The Lord is able to give you much more than this!” 

In the moment, when presented with ice cream on a hot day, or chocolate everywhere I go in Hershey, it is so hard to remember the greater gift that lies ahead if I will just submit to a healthy lifestyle: weight loss and self-confidence, a longer life (in theory) because of my body being healthier, being a better example to our future children about what is really important in life, and most importantly, honoring God with the body He has given to me and keeping it holy and set-apart… Instead, all I can think about is what I am giving up in the moment. When that is my focus, it is easy to cave into the justifications like “You only live once!” or “Just this once, it won’t happen again” and eat that ice cream instead of exercising self-control.

Giving up refined sugar is hard. It is everywhere. But that can’t be an excuse for me to give in to temptation. There ARE ways to avoid it, even though it feels like I’m making a huge sacrifice. Fear tries to tell me that this is just too uncomfortable, that it isn’t worth it, that I can wait until tomorrow to start this…but the Voice of Truth says that the God I serve is greater than any of these things that my brain (and the world) tells me are desirable and worthy of my attention.

The New Testament passage today was from Romans 12, and this passage fit perfectly with the one above:

v.2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s Will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Bottom line: Don’t be afraid to give up something that will cause destruction in the end just because of what you have invested in it, or because of how uncomfortable it will be in the moment to let it go. God is greater than anything you are struggling with and He can give us FAR better things in exchange if we will just follow Him! 

 

New Chapter…

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Friday marks my last day as an employee of my company. I am the second one in my department to be laid off due to budget cuts, which means that my small department has now lost 20% of their workforce.

I have been trying to leave this job for well over a year…I’ve been trying to find something that better fit my passions, skills, interests, etc. and I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to “be” in terms of a career. This job was never going to be a career–it was a stepping stone to hopefully move onto different positions within the company…and I have now been here for two years and eight months, not due to lack of trying!

About three weeks ago, after God continued to close door after door, I had resigned myself to the fact that I needed to just stay put until we had a kid. I moved my office furniture around, dove into projects and was pro-active about taking an extra project on that needed to be done. I was actually enjoying my job for the first time in quite a while because I had DECIDED to enjoy it.

I definitely did not expect what happened last Wednesday to happen. No one did. My bosses were quite upset about it and apologized profusely to me. I was stunned. I felt strangely sad, though I had been praying that God would release me for a long time now, and the only reason that makes sense is this: I didn’t get to leave on MY terms. I didn’t get to give my notice, and it wasn’t for my reasons. This isn’t my choice. My choice was to stay here until the time comes to be a stay-at-home mother, not to be let go because the company is making cuts.

Over the past week I have grappled with this new reality and still have no answers. However, I fully believe that God is completely sovereign and that He loves me deeply. I believe that His ways are far more wise than my own. So I will trust Him and choose to be content.

We are not worried at all–we have no doubt that He will provide for us – He has done it continuously and will do so again and again. I am truly content and am excited to see what comes my way! I’m excited to be able to be at home more to take care of things like planting our vegetable garden, finishing projects that we need to finish, and doing other tasks that need to be done around the house on a regular basis so that Brennan doesn’t have to do as much in the evenings (i.e. yard work now that spring is here). I’m looking forward to whatever temp agency assignments come my way and excited to meet the people who God has planned for me to meet.

Friday begins a new chapter in our lives with no title. No introduction. Nothing written down yet. We’ll just take one day at a time and see where God leads. 🙂

New Perspective…Part One.

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So, something occurred to me in the past twenty-four hours that just might be an answer to a long-standing prayer of mine. Maybe. It’s at least getting me closer to understanding the “why” of my jobs, past and present. I have split this into two blog posts because it’s far too much for one post.

First, some background:

In 2001, I was ready to take on the world. I wanted to be the governor of California someday, with every intention of being my friend’s vice-president in 2028 (we even had a website!). High-profile aspiration is an understatement.

That’s how I saw myself: working in politics to change our country for the better, and everyone would know my name and how awesome I was. I wanted to feel important, to feel admired, to feel respected because of my capabilities, talents, and brilliance. In one word: pride.

Over the next few years I interned with Newt Gingrich in Washington, D.C. (2003), I worked on (and ran) several campaigns, attended the 2005 Presidential Inauguration (and a ball) and was even on ABC for thirty-seconds. I attended campaign training at President Reagan’s ranch in Santa Barbara and was pictured in TIME Magazine with the rest of the training group. I was on my way…or so I thought.

Fast-forward to 2007: Two years past graduation and I was still living in Southern California (not my plan). I kept trying to get back to D.C. but doors just would not open. Instead, I was working for a financial company fixing tax returns all day long–completely low-profile–along with doing youth ministry at my church (nearly full-time for a while). I eventually became content (but not fully happy) in the tax job and even tried to move into management, to no avail. Even though my bosses said I was the perfect candidate for management, I continued to be passed over for promotions, and it didn’t make sense to any of us. But, it was a good job so I remained there.

In December 2007, I felt God urging me to pray for discomfort. My faith had grown stagnant and I was desperate for a change. He brought to my attention all of the accounts in the Bible of people who grew tremendously through trials and discomfort (and never through times of prosperity or easy living)…

…so I did it. I began praying for the next year that God would make me uncomfortable in order for me to become more like Jesus. God definitely delivered. 2008 was one of the toughest years of my life thus far, and I never DREAMED of what God would call me to do/lead me through. From the spiritual struggles to the physical (pneumonia), He used that year to the fullest to mold and shape me. I knew it would be a challenging year (I could probably write a book), but I never dreamed of the growth and transformation that would take place by surrendering to God’s plan and letting go of my own.

The biggest change was my move to Pennsylvania. I had been contemplating this for many years but kept trying to do things my way and nothing ever worked out. I visited PA in October 2007 and during that trip I realized that I didn’t want to live in Southern California anymore, at all. The realization even brought me to tears one day.

I began praying that God would allow me to move to PA, and I prayed for six months before I felt an answer from the Lord. He said that I could stay or go, and that He would use me wherever I was. That was a huge lesson in itself, realizing that sometimes God allows us to make decisions and that sometimes there is no “right” answer.

I moved to Harrisburg, PA on July 31, 2008 knowing only two people in the city, having no job, and having very little money. I chose Harrisburg because of it being the center of Pennsylvania politics. I worked through a temp agency for awhile until obtaining a job with a lobbying firm–which I thought was PERFECT! This was it–my door into the political arena!

Boy, was I wrong. Looking back, I firmly believe that God allowed me to have that position for a year to show me that He did NOT want me in politics. It was a terrible year–the job was a terrible fit and I was so miserable in that role. I saw a side of politics that I had never seen before and I was completely disillusioned. I was let go on 09/09/09 and the joy that I felt was indescribable! Most people aren’t happy after being fired (or, in my case, “forced to quit”), but I felt all the heaviness that had weighed on my heart disappear and I felt so free.

From there, I was unemployed for a year, and that year was an incredible gift to me. I watched as God provided faithfully for me and I was able to pay my rent until April 2010, when I moved in with Brennan’s aunt and uncle until our wedding. I was able to focus on church planting and mission trips, and I was so joy-filled through it all. I got engaged during this time, so this also allowed me to focus on wedding plans/marriage. God’s provision was constant, and though it was a humbling year, I learned to accept help from others and to not be proud.

I worked for a temp agency as much as possible (talk about humbling), and in June 2010 I began working part-time for a consulting firm (huge blessing). In September 2010 I obtained a second part-time job (my current role) and was finally working full-time again. I learned more during that year of unemployment than I thought possible! It was a humbling and faith-filled year.

That brings me to today…I have been in my current role for two and a half years. I have never been recognized or thanked for my work by my supervisor. I do work that a high school student could do. I have never had a raise (and I don’t make much to begin with). I do not use my very expensive, hard-earned bachelor’s degree. I go most days completely unnoticed by my co-workers (and have NEVER been asked to join them for lunch when they go out). My gifts and talents go by the wayside as I watch the clock day by day, waiting for 3:00pm to arrive so that I can do things that actually matter. I feel completely unappreciated and overlooked. I have applied for and even interviewed for MANY jobs during this time period, but God has not opened any other doors. So I have remained here, despite how miserable I tend to be here.

Even my role as a relief houseparent at MHS is largely a “thankless” job (from the students themselves, not from the supervisors or the houseparents…students aren’t going to thank you for disciplining them, haha). Don’t get me wrong–I LOVE it, and it’s highly rewarding to help these students make decisions and learn lessons! My point is that they don’t care about the fact that I’m intelligent, a great musician/vocalist; they don’t really care that I am a good photographer, or that I was once in TIME Magazine. They just want to be fed (they are middle school boys, after all 🙂 ), entertained, and kept safe. Above all, they want to be loved.

So why has God been allowing me to go through these things? I think I’ve determined His reasons…

To be continued…