Category: My Walk With God

One Step at a Time

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The hill from the employee parking lot to the building where I work is gigantic. It is long, steep, and, especially when it’s cold outside, the prospect of walking up to work is daunting. Most days I am spoiled because Brennan drops me off at the entrance and then goes to park the van; but, on days when our schedules do not match, I am left to climb the mountain. And I don’t want to do it most days.

The challenge is half psychological and half physical. I’m not in great shape – yet – so that’s part of it. But, when I look at the hill I also have to convince my brain that I can do it because it feels like I will never make it, like I will fail.

What I have found is this: if I focus on my feet and on taking one step at a time instead of looking up to the top of the hill, it is far less challenging. If I take it one step at a time, it’s not that bad! I make it to the top of the hill, a little out of breath, but I can do it. I succeed.

This analogy is a perfect one for our lives right now: we’re nearing the one year anniversary of Tori’s heaven-going; some days it seems like our hearts will never fully heal, that it will be forever before we are reunited with her again. We long to hold our baby girl and gaze into her beautiful eyes once more, and that time (and heaven) seems so far away.

But, when we take the journey one step at a time, focusing on the Lord and on one task at a time, it’s so much easier and we feel refreshed. We don’t feel overwhelmed or tired. We feel at peace and we know that we can take the next step. Why is it so hard to remember to do this?

Whatever your mountain might be today, focus on the next step, not on the entire climb. Allow the Lord to guide you and sustain you; He is faithful and will lead you well.

Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you.
He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. – Psalm 55:22 (NLT)

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. – 1 Peter 5:7 (NLT)

Stillness 

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Perhaps it’s because I wrote furiously throughout the summer in order to finish my manuscript. Perhaps it’s because I now work outside the home and am forced to speak with guests continually throughout the day, using up my “daily word count” quickly. Perhaps it’s because, with Tori gone, my purpose for writing has changed and I still haven’t quite figured out what’s next.

Whatever the reason, I’ve been struggling to write lately. I haven’t felt inspired.

I want to write, I want to process life with my writing as I have always done. But, I’m simply unable to do so right now. It feels forced.

I rarely comment or post statuses on social media. I rarely blog. I think all the time and am constantly processing things; the difference is that I’ve been keeping it to myself instead of adding my words to a world in need of less noise.

I haven’t been doing this intentionally, but it has happened and I’ve been trying to figure out why. 

Perhaps it’s been my way of creating some stillness and peace in a world and a life so busy and chaotic.

Perhaps it’s simply a reflection of the peace my heart feels most days. 

Whatever the cause, I’m still here. We’re still here. Life is busy, mostly with good things, and we have some exciting things on the horizon. 

We’re preparing to move to downtown Hershey within the next month (!!) which will change so much about our lives – a drastically shortened commute time, becoming landlords, being part of a community that we’ve wanted to join for years, and being able to walk almost everywhere we need to go.

My friend, Jenn, and I are waiting for the official call that will start our LuLaRoe business and cannot wait to see what this venture brings! Brennan and I hope that this will help us fully fund our IVF and adoption expenses. You can check out our page here! 

Speaking of that, we hope to begin the IVF process (again) in the next month or so. We need $10,000 up front to start and we have raised $8,000! Praise the Lord! We cannot wait to be parents again. 

I am hoping that March will be the month for pitching my manuscript to publishers. 

We’re quickly approaching the one year anniversary of Tori’s heaven-going and aren’t sure how we will spend that day (March 27), but I’m pretty sure giraffes will be involved.

I’m hoping to find my voice once more and to write about life and seeing God work again. But, for now, I am being still (Psalm 46:10) and doing what I can to focus on the Lord and where He is leading. ❤ Good things are in store.