It’s Not About The Money

Cover_lNow that my book is available for pre-order, it feels slightly weird to promote it. I worked for nearly three years on this project, and yet I am hesitant to post about it.

Most of us are raised to be humble, to not ever come across as self-promoting or a braggart. We’ve somehow received the message that you can’t talk about the things you’ve done. The problem with this is that there’s a difference between arrogant bragging and joyful accomplishment. 

One of my favorite authors, Jon Acuff, has talked about this many times. To paraphrase him, if I don’t share about my book/work, WHO WILL? 

One of the aspects that makes it far easier to share about my book is this: I am making hardly anything off of it. Does that surprise you? Most authors make around 10-20% from the purchases of their books. Brennan and I will make less than $2 per book before taxes, AND we’re donating a portion of that $2 directly to Hunter’s Hope Foundation. 

For us, it’s not about the money – it’s about the mission.

The mission is to make Krabbe known by any means possible, to hopefully increase awareness and multiply the Newborn Screening states (currently only SIX screen), and to provide as much money to Hunter’s Hope Foundation as possible as they advocate for Newborn Screening and support leukodystrophy families.

And, of course, to tell Tori’s story in hopes of encouraging others.

That’s why I wrote this. 

It’s not about the money (though we wouldn’t complain, of course! 😉 ) – it’s about awareness.

So, if you’d like to purchase Even So, Joy you can do so directly through the publisher (for now) or through Amazon.

You may see me posting about this often, and that’s simply because of the algorithms of Facebook and other platforms. Some see all my posts, some see none. By posting often, I hope most will see it at least once!

Please help us spread the word and #MakeKrabbeKnown and leave book reviews on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, GoodReads, etc. once it’s available!

Use the hashtag #EvenSoJoy if you share on social media!

Twenty-Week Update

I want to preface with this: the babies are well and we have NO reason to be concerned. 😉

I had appointments yesterday and today, as well as the normal anatomy scan. They were *mostly* cooperative. They kept moving around so that the technician couldn’t get some of the specific pictures needed so I will go back next week for a follow-up scan.

They both look great and are measuring basically on track. One is 13oz and one is 14oz.

It was determined that the twins do share a placenta (monochorionic/diamniotic) which puts them in the middle-of-the-road risk wise. They aren’t the most risky type of twins but they aren’t the least risky, either. 🙂

I’ve been upgraded to “high-risk” because they are monochorionic, as there are a list of potential complications (NO evidence of any, just potentials) such as Twin-to-Twin-Transfusion Syndrome, etc. Because of this, I will have ultrasounds every two weeks, a fetal echo-cardiogram, and other testing. Thankfully we live five minutes from the med center!

They said it’s likely that they will be delivered between 34-36 weeks. While that’s not ideal, we will do whatever is best for the boys.  ❤

Everything looks great and they definitely showed personality during the ultrasound by doing somersaults and curling up instead of cooperating. Today one of them kicked the heart rate monitor as the doctor was trying to quickly listen. 😉

 

I’m not sure this pregnancy could possibly be any easier and I am so thankful. I know I still have up to 18 weeks to go and that things may become more challenging, but for now I treasure the ease.

“Is This Your First?”

It’s inevitable lately: when meeting new people who don’t know about Tori, they will ask if this pregnancy is my first.

Since I recently started a new job it’s happening fairly often. The first few times took me by surprise and I had to think quickly about how to answer: I could be truthful and tell them about Tori, or I could be mostly truthful since this is my first TWIN pregnancy and just say yes to avoid the uncomfortable truth.

So far, I’ve opted to just tell the truth, short and sweet, and allow the potential awkwardness (from their end) to exist.  I look at it as an opportunity to tell others about Krabbe, about Tori’s amazing life, and about the faith that has sustained us.

In each instance, I recognize that I have a choice: I can be truthful with joy or I can be truthful with pain. I can embrace the joy we have found or I can be miserable. 

I continue to embrace joy. 


The title of my upcoming book is “Even So, Joy” which I derived from two sources: the song “It Is Well With My Soul” –

And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

and Habakkuk 3:17-19  –

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
    and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
    and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
    and the cattle barns are empty,
 yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
    I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
 The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
    He makes me as surefooted as a deer,
    able to tread upon the heights.

The Bible makes it abundantly clear that things are going to be imperfect here on earth. Once sin entered the world, it was inevitable that life would be terrible at times. Things are going to go wrong, our hearts are going to hurt, and sometimes it will seem unbearable.

But, the Bible also makes it clear that it can still be well with our hearts and our souls no matter what comes our way because all of this is temporary. Imperfect life on this earth should make us desire the perfection of what’s to come in Heaven. 

For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! – 2 Cor. 4:17

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. – James 1:2-3

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.  And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. – Romans 5:3-5

Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are.  Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay.  For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.  And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us. We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.) – Romans 8:18-25 (emphasis mine)

Our God is a God who redeems. He is worthy of all our praise, even when circumstances don’t appear to be praiseworthy. He knows the full story while we only know this current chapter.


You have a choice to make daily just like me; though our circumstances may be different, I know your life isn’t going perfectly.

Joy is something to be chosen and embraced in the uncertain times, in the “even though” or “even if” moments. For it is then that our faith grows stronger and we are reminded of God’s love, and the least we can do is share it with those who need it the most.

Always be real and genuine, of course, but always be pointing others toward the hope and joy we have in Jesus. It has been said that light shines brightest in the darkness, and this has certainly been proven to be true in my life. Our decision to choose joy after losing a child stands in stark contrast to the way much of the world would react. And that’s kind of the point. We should be different as Christians in this world.

I will continue to be honest and share that the twins are actually child two and three for us, not our first. I will embrace the potential discomfort and awkwardness that the other person may feel and I will point them to the glory of the Lord and the hope and joy He brings.

Even so, it is well with my soul.

Freedom Comes From Discipline

Freedom and discipline sound contradictory, right? We all want freedom- especially as teenagers. The idea of freedom becomes an idol even though we have not yet learned a very important fact:

“Absolute freedom is absolute nonsense! We gain freedom in anything through commitment, discipline, and fixed habit.” – Richard Foster

I’ve been re-reading “Blessed Are The Misfits” by Brant Hansen now that I have a paper copy and can underline things.

This time around, chapter fourteen made me think more than the ones before it.

At first, I defensively thought that Brant must be wrong saying that freedom is found by struggling, by discipline. It ruffled my feathers because I am not one naturally inclined to be disciplined, though part of me longs for it. Freedom comes from a lack of rules, right?

I began to think of examples of how this could be and one immediately came to mind: piano.

I am naturally musical, which is both good and bad. It’s good because I’ve been successful at any instrument I have attempted; it’s bad because I never stuck with any of them (seven and counting) long enough to be excellent (except for vocals). I would get to a certain level and get bored, so I would quit.

I learned really early in life that I didn’t have to practice (or study) very much to fool my piano teacher. She would praise me and say that she could tell I had worked hard, but I hadn’t. I was only eight years old at the time. I convinced myself that my natural ability was enough and that I could be lazy. This discovery carried over to school because I realized my natural intelligence allowed me to not work as hard as others and still get good grades. We are all inclined to laziness (read Proverbs!), and mine manifested itself through music and school.

How is this related?

Because I didn’t give my all to practicing and continuing to play piano, I am restricted to the notes on a page and am unable to improvise. I am confined by my limited ability despite my desire to play more difficult pieces.

Discipline brings freedom. As Brant said, “We find freedom by losing it (page 135).”

“Anyone who does only what comes naturally, who abandons the struggle, will wind up being less than what he or she could have been. And, like Jesus said, anyone who loses his life for His sake…will find it.”

– Brant Hansen (pg. 136)

Piano is just one of the examples in my life of how I could have found freedom had I applied discipline and embraced the struggle. If I had stuck with it and worked hard, where would I be today?

I could list so many more examples of laziness and lack of discipline in my past.

However, I want to stop the growth of that list in my future by embracing and implementing more discipline in my life and by surrendering myself and my natural tendencies to the power of discipline (and to Jesus) when necessary.

“No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.”

‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12:11‬ ‭NLT‬‬

True freedom in this life comes from surrendering your life to Jesus. It comes from living the way He told us to live, and not the way our hearts think we should go. I know it sounds like a contradiction, but it’s the truth. Jesus said so. 😉

Now it’s your turn: In which areas does this resonate for you? What can you do to make a change today?< em>(Also, you really should pick up “Blessed Are The Misfits” as soon as possible. It’s so worth the read (and re-read)).

Book Review: “Blessed Are The Misfits” by Brant Hansen

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Have you ever felt like you were alone, like you didn’t fit in? Have you ever wondered why so many people seem to have a different experience in church than you do?

You are not alone.

Brant Hansen, the radio personality and author of Unoffendable (another amazing book), has done it again. He has put into words what so many of us have felt but couldn’t express.

For years I felt like I was failing because I didn’t love evangelism. The thought of talking to strangers about Jesus felt like torture. I wondered if my faith was authentic. It wasn’t until a few years ago, when I discovered that I’m actually an introvert, that I realized it wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to strangers about Jesus – I didn’t want to talk to strangers at ALL. 

And there is NOTHING wrong with that. Chapter Seven told me so (and the Bible, but still 😉 ).

Brant discusses many aspects of life in which people feel like misfits – things that no one has ever really discussed before. And I think you need to read it. You can order it here!

If you don’t feel like a misfit, maybe you know someone who does…so buy a copy or two to give as gifts. Someone you know needs to read this book, and I bet it’s you.

I Wasn’t Looking for a Job, but I Found One…

Last Thursday evening, as I was mindlessly scrolling through Facebook, I saw an ad that caught my attention.

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I found it at the perfect time, really. I had realized recently that I was feeling a little down because I’ve been bored. I have never done well with being bored, which is why I have played seven instruments in my life, among other examples. I’m in a season of waiting for many things – waiting for my book to be in print, waiting for the twins to be born, waiting, waiting, waiting.

Brennan would ask me how my day was and I often felt like I had no idea because it didn’t feel like I had accomplished anything. I didn’t like that.

I haven’t worked at The Spa since May 15th because of the IVF process and because of our busy schedules over the summer. Once they were fully staffed I decided to go inactive and enjoy some time off. This allowed me to focus on running the AirBnB over the summer, finishing my manuscript, resting during the first trimester (which was SO necessary), and other things that came my way.

I’ve been slowly letting go of major responsibilities on my plate in preparation for the arrival of the twins. My last day of leading worship at Transcend Church is December 31 (also my birthday 😉 ), and that will be the last big thing for me to stop doing. It feels strange, but necessary, as my hands are about to be very full with two babies. 🙂

This has left me with a lot of time on my hands, and while it’s been great to spend my days watching Hallmark Christmas movies and relaxing (while also doing chores and things intermittently), I began to notice that I wasn’t super happy. Not depressed, not miserable, just not as happy as normal. I’m bored! 

So, this ad. It was for a job at The Hershey Story, the amazing museum about the life of Mr. Hershey and the town/company he created. Even better, it was for “Chocolate Tasting Associates.” No, that doesn’t mean that I would get paid to taste chocolate, but it’s almost as great! Essentially, it’s like being a “chocolate bartender” because these employees serve “shots” of warm drinking chocolates from specific places around the world to guests.

Did you know that cacao tastes drastically different depending on its country of origin? It’s amazing! That’s why Hershey blends beans to create a specific flavor.

I went ahead and applied, thinking it would be fun and interesting.

The next morning, I heard back (so fast!) and was asked to come in for an interview. I think I caught their attention because of my vast experience with the Milton Hershey School, The Hotel Hershey, and Hershey Entertainment & Resorts, but I’m not really sure.

I had an interview yesterday and was offered a job on the spot – and yes, I was upfront about being pregnant! 🙂

It will be super part-time, flexible, and interesting. It will be easy physically, stimulating socially, and fulfilling intellectually. As many of you know, I LOVE telling people about Mr. Hershey and the amazing man he was. Now I will have another opportunity to share stories with guests who may ask questions. I suppose it will use my history degree to some extent 😉

I will be cross-trained to teach in the Chocolate Lab and to run the Tastings bar, and I’m looking forward to the opportunity to get out of the house a few hours a week until the twins arrive.

I had orientation today which was completely self-guided and fun. I spent time walking through the museum, did a class in the Chocolate Lab (where we used milk and white chocolate to create a festive reindeer), tasted chocolate, and enjoyed the atmosphere of The Hershey Story. As an introvert, it was exactly what I needed!

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I wasn’t looking for a job, but I found one, and it’s going to be great.