“All of my life, in every season, you are still God and I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship.” – The Desert Song (Hillsong) Today has … Continue reading Speechless Moments
Tag: Love
Five Years Ago Today…
Sometimes I wish that God would help us out a little in terms of recognizing moments that we should remember vividly forever. 🙂 A little nudge would be amazing.
My best example: when I met Brennan. That was a slightly important moment in my life, and I honestly don’t remember much about it.
It was five years ago today, Easter Sunday, sometime around noon. It was at East Shore Baptist Church. My life was about to change and I had NO idea.
I remember that I had been up since 4:00am and had just helped lead three worship services. I was exhausted. I remember that his mom said something about wanting me to meet someone, and me (the exhausted introvert) reluctantly following her. I remember inviting him to our newly formed “singles” class the following week and not saying much else.
Why is it that we can often remember the boring, unimportant details about such important moments, but not the details that really matter? Why can’t I remember what he was wearing, what he said, how he looked at me, etc.? In these moments, a little nudge from God would be SO helpful.
In the past five years, so much has happened.
We were friends for three months, dated for six, were engaged
for nine, and have been married for three and a half.
Since our wedding, we have had three addresses.
We are expecting our first child, a daughter, in August 2014.
And, much like the song we danced to on our wedding day says, “…and I thought I loved you then.”
I never could have imagined how much love grows and deepens almost daily!
“What I can’t see is how I’m ever gonna love you more – but I’ve said that before…”
I may not remember very clearly how we met, but I am no less thankful for what joy the last five years have brought to my life.
I wasn’t looking for love that day, or even a date. But God, in His sovereignty and grace, redeemed that uneventful first meeting and turned it into a lifelong love.
“Like a river meets the sea, stronger than its ever been
We’ve come so far since that day, and I thought I loved you then”
First Pregnancy: 21 Weeks and Counting…
I realized that I haven’t been writing anything down about this pregnancy. So, since people have asked, I decided to do a quick blog post.
I am 21 weeks and 3 days pregnant today with our first child – a baby girl.
Despite all of the funny/ridiculous “gender prediction” things we read online that said we were having a boy, we found out last Monday that our baby is a girl, and I’m honestly still adjusting to that fact. I had always envisioned having boys, and maybe a girl later…but, I trust that God gives us the children He wants us to have, and in our case that is a firstborn girl. I think part of the shock comes from insecurity about raising a girl to be a godly woman in this world/culture, but we will take one day at a time and pray constantly for her (and for us to have the wisdom to guide her).
We do not have a name chosen, nor do we have any contenders at this point. However, we have decided to keep the name a secret until after she is born anyway, so that gives us over 4.5 months to decide. 🙂
This pregnancy has been so easy and I don’t take that for granted. Most days, unless I look down or look in the mirror, I forget that I’m pregnant. I had some indigestion around week 6, food aversions to salad/vegetables through week 18, and mild heartburn after eating tomato-based foods consistently (ice cream makes it go away, though! 😉 ). That’s really it. I’m learning to sleep on my left side and my hips have had some pain from that, but, again, I can’t complain: many women have incredibly difficult pregnancies and are miserable throughout the entire ten months.
I am starting to experience “pregnancy hormones” finally – mostly taking the form of being more emotional than usual (and I’m not very emotional to begin with, so that has been weird) and having less tolerance for people’s behavior. It has surprised me because I’m normally very easy-going and let things slide…but in the past couple of weeks, grumpy/annoying behavior (including terrible drivers) has driven me crazy. 🙂 Thankfully, Brennan is so understanding and knows me well enough to know that this is NOT my normal personality whenever I complain to him about things like this.
We haven’t really started working on her room yet, as there are specific steps that have to happen in order. The floor will be refinished on April 19th, and then my mom is coming out to help paint in May. By the day of the baby shower, the room will be ready for furniture/decorations! 🙂
I can’t believe that we’re already more than half-way done with our first pregnancy! It’s time to start reading up on caring for newborns, parenting, etc. so that we can be as prepared as we can be to raise our daughter well.
Day Six: I’m Thankful For…My Husband
Preface: Last year I decided to express my thanks during the month of November for something new each day, as so many others have done before me. I never finished this series, so that’s my goal this year. I am re-posting the ones I wrote last year and adding new ones. This was originally posted on 11/06/12 (with slight changes made today).
Today is our third anniversary.
I am so thankful that God brought me to Pennsylvania for many reasons…but I’m especially thankful that He allowed me the privilege of meeting Brennan on April 12, 2009.
I was content where I was and wasn’t looking to get married…but God had other plans and I’m SO thankful that His ways are different/greater than ours!
Brennan has been such an amazing friend and life partner through the past four and a half years of being together.
He consistently encourages me by his example to be a better person and sharpens me in ways I didn’t expect.
Just some of the things I love about Brennan…
- His smile
- The way he rubs his hands together when he is excited
- The way he looks when he’s dressed up (SO handsome!)
- His scent
- His selflessness
- His simplicity
- His gorgeous green eyes
- His leadership with our MHS boys
- The way he cuddles up to me in the morning
- His affectionate nature
- His love of showing his affection for me–publicly and privately
- His willingness to eat anything that I prepare
- The way he can read me in a second and know how I’m feeling
- His tendency to become protective of me when I am hurting
- His amazing work ethic and how hard he works to provide
- The passion he displays when he prays out loud
- His love of children (he will be an amazing father)
- His never-ending support and encouragement
- His patience
- His goofiness 🙂
The joy that Brennan brings to my life is incredible. Life is so much richer with him by my side! I am so thankful for him and for the adventures we’ve had so far…and for those yet to come.
Thank you, Jesus, for answering my lifelong prayer for a husband by bringing me Brennan. He is more wonderful than I ever imagined.
New Perspective…Part Two.
(See part one here…)
Yesterday, as I was talking with a dear friend about her potential job opportunities (very prestigious and impressive jobs for which she is perfectly suited), all of the above-mentioned things started to run through my head. As I listened to her speak, I realized that I, too, long to be admired for what I can do–for my God-given gifts and abilities, for what I worked so hard to accomplish in college/post-college. I long to be known as someone who “did something” with her life, whatever that even means. I, too, tend to put my value and self-worth in my career, in how people view me, and what I’ve done, which explains so much about why I have felt so miserable in recent jobs. That hasn’t changed since 2001.
But you know what has changed? In the past year, my desire to be a mother (a stay-at-home one, at that) has increased exponentially (considering that I never saw myself doing that, it wasn’t hard for it to increase drastically). I have come to realize that raising children to love Jesus and to be productive members of society is the greatest possible career that I could ever have. What a stark contrast to how I felt even one year ago.
And last night, it became very clear that God has used the circumstances of the past few years to prepare me for being a mom (No, this is not a pregnancy announcement 🙂 ). From what I hear, being a mother is often a “thankless” job as you continuously and often sacrificially serve your children. Someday, they might recognize the amazing job you did to prepare them for life and to take care of them, but humans are naturally born selfish. They aren’t going to say “thanks, mom, for changing my diaper so that I don’t get diaper rash” or “thanks, mom, for staying up all night with me when I was sick”…that’s just how it goes. They don’t care how accomplished you are and they certainly aren’t going to marvel over your talents. Being a mother is going to require humility, sacrifice, unconditional love, and lots of grace…and I know now that I am much better equipped for motherhood because of the circumstances of the past few years.
Much of the past twelve years makes so much sense now. I was in desperate need of humility, and God brought circumstances into my life to teach me how to be humble. I wish I had been a faster learner! Haha. Not that I’m completely humble–definitely not. But, given where I was in 2001, I have come a long way and my perspective has completely changed. I was so unaware of the grip that pride was holding on my life!
I now view the word “rewarding” completely differently. It no longer means being recognized and praised–it means offering recognition and praise expecting nothing in return, all for the benefit of others.
So, now I have something new to embrace, and something hard with which to grapple. God doesn’t want me to be “famous”–He wants me to make disciples, including my own future children.
I need to remind myself constantly that it doesn’t matter what the world thinks of me, and it doesn’t matter if they notice how “awesome” I might happen to be…
What matters is that I live my life according to the Gospel, and that I share it with others at every opportunity.
What matters is that I find ways to use my God-given gifts and talents to further the Kingdom of God, especially within my own household, without doing it selfishly or for recognition.
What matters are the eternal things, not the temporal.
What matters is that my value and self-worth come from God alone and not from anything that I have done or will do.
Day Six: I’m Thankful For…My Husband.
Preface: I thought it was fitting to express my thanks during the month of November for something new each day, as so many others have done before me. I’ve never taken the time to do this, and it will be a challenge to blog each day, but it’s so important to recognize the blessings God has given us! 🙂 These are in NO particular order…
I decided to wait to post about my husband on our anniversary (2 years!) instead of on “day 2” 🙂
I am so thankful that God brought me to Pennsylvania for many reasons…but I’m especially thankful that He allowed me the privilege of meeting Brennan on April 12, 2009. I was content where I was and wasn’t looking to get married…but God had other plans and I’m SO thankful that His ways are different/greater than ours!
Brennan has been such an amazing friend and life partner through the past three and a half years. He consistently encourages me by his example to be a better person and sharpens me in ways I didn’t expect.
Just some of the things I love about Brennan…
- His smile
- The way he rubs his hands together when he is excited
- The way he looks when he’s dressed up (SO handsome!)
- His scent
- His selflessness
- His simplicity
- His gorgeous green eyes
- His leadership with our MHS boys
- The way he cuddles up to me in the morning
- His affectionate nature
- His love of showing his affection for me–publicly and privately
- His willingness to eat anything that I prepare
- The way he can read me in a second and know how I’m feeling
- His tendency to become protective of me when I am hurting
- His amazing work ethic and how hard he works to provide
- The passion he displays when he prays out loud
- His love of children (he will be an amazing father)
- His never-ending support and encouragement
- His patience
- His goofiness 🙂
The joy that Brennan brings to my life is incredible. Life is so much richer with him by my side! I am so thankful for him and for the adventures we’ve had so far…and for those yet to come.
Thank you, Jesus, for answering my lifelong prayer for a husband by bringing me Brennan. He is more wonderful than I ever imagined.
Tomorrow is Never Guaranteed…
A few weeks ago I stumbled upon a blog that has impacted me deeply. I found the blog because the author–Ryan–was nominated by someone for a “Love Bomb“–a weekly ministry of people from all over the world who leave hundreds of comments to encourage someone going through tough times. Each week, someone is nominated and we all read a few posts, comment, and pray for the person/family. It usually only takes 5-10 minutes of my time, but sometimes I just can’t stop reading these blogs. They sometimes end up being part of my “Google Reader” so that I can continue to read updates and pray. The blog in this post is one of them.
The blog that was nominated a few weeks ago was this one. Ryan is young (I think he’s my age or younger) and dying of cancer. The doctors have given him 3-6 months to live. He has a beautiful wife and two gorgeous children, and his blog discusses this strange and awful journey of preparing for what seems to be a certain death in a very short period of time. Of course, they are praying for a miracle (and I am, too!), but they are also preparing for “life without Ryan”. Most recently, this included buying a new car so that his wife would have reliable transportation if/when Ryan passes away. They also went as a family to Disneyland last month to create memories as a family that their kids will remember always. He loves his wife SO much and it is apparent in everything that he writes.
Unlike some blogs that discuss similar situations, this one is not depressing and morbid. Rather, it is realistic and somehow upbeat despite the subject matter. He is open about his faith and even wrote a great post about why he doesn’t blame God for his cancer. Ryan and his wife’s brave approach to all of this is inspiring and challenging. It has made me wonder which is worse: knowing approximately how long until you die, or having death come suddenly…I think knowing would be worse.
I will admit that I have shed tears over these blog posts. I cannot imagine being told that I had 3-6 months to live when I’m not even 30 years old yet. Even worse, knowing that I’d be leaving behind a spouse and children. It has caused me to think through what it would be like if Brennan were no longer here and what life would look like. Or, what Brennan’s life would look like if I weren’t here.
And because of that, it has changed how I view our marriage. Our marriage is healthy, happy, love-filled and relatively new, so it’s not that I suddenly had a 180 degree turn or anything like that; but it has caused me to treat each day as if it could be our last (which is true) and to be much more thankful for the gift that Brennan is in my life. It is SO easy to become comfortable and to take things for granted, and Ryan’s stories have really made me want to make an effort to NEVER do that. Tomorrow is never a guarantee, and I pray that I approach each day with that in mind.
I wanted to share Ryan’s story because he and his family really need prayer during this time. I also wanted to share because I think his story will have an impact on anyone who reads about him. Please check out his blog and pray for him.
I’ve been told that I need to blog more…
…so here goes. 🙂
I used to be so good about blogging and journaling. I’m not sure what has changed, or why I’ve found it so easy to just not write at all. However, I realize that it is an important exercise and I need to be writing things down so that I don’t forget what has happened.
Life has been GREAT. Not challenge-free, of course, but truly great. We can’t complain.
Most recently…we got nearly 10 inches of snow this past weekend. The last time that our region had an October snow was in 1972, and they received 2 inches. So, to say that this was record-breaking is an understatement. I’m having a hard time thinking about winter coming, so I’m not going to take the next few weeks of 50-60 degree weather for granted! Here in Hershey we are definitely ready for “normal” weather for our area…not 70+ inches of rain in a year!
Brennan and I are LOVING living in Hershey. We are SO close to work, we have great neighbors, we love our new place, and it’s been an absolute blessing to live here already. It’s amazing how God brings us exactly what we need!
We are five days away from celebrating our first anniversary…and I am amazed at how this year has flown! A year ago, I was in Red Bluff, crazy busy, just ready to be married and have the wedding planning/executing over and done. Now, we are happily married, enjoying every day, and are SO thankful to be done with wedding craziness! 🙂 We’re celebrating our anniversary on Friday/Saturday by staying at a very nice place, and we will eat our (currently frozen) cake and sip our apple cider (from the wedding) on Sunday. It’s going to be a restful, wonderful weekend, celebrating the blessings of our loving Lord who brought us together!
We are praying through several decisions right now in terms of ministry opportunities, and it’s really exciting to see what God is bringing our way.
We’re being very intentional about slowing down our schedule and spending more time at home, which has been very good for me. I’ve literally started writing down “stay at home” days on my calendar because I have a tendency to fill up every spare minute with some activity…and I’m worn out. It’s incredibly difficult, but I’m getting better at just relaxing at home every once in a while!
Speaking of resting, I finally sought out medical assistance for my knee which was injured on November 20, 2008 in a car accident. I have an MRI on Thursday morning to determine the next course of action, which may be surgery if it is indeed a tear. God is in control, and we are trusting Him with logistics (living/working on the second floor, for instance)and finances!
God is at work all around us, all the time, and I’m loving watching Him work. When I moved to Harrisburg in 2008, I never expected to find such diversity here in terms of people and countries represented. But, I am constantly finding out about other cultures who are making their home here–such as Haitian refugees, Burmese refugees, etc. And I love it! God is bringing people from all over the U.S. to Harrisburg to plant churches and to reach out missionally to these people, and I am excited for us to be part of this!
Brennan and I are heading to California in January to celebrate Christmas…two weeks late. Why? Because we are saving $800 in air fare! It is incredibly expensive to fly anywhere at Christmas-time, but especially to California since it’s such a tourist destination. So, we decided to think outside the box and found tickets for $400 total roundtrip for BOTH of us! God is so good! I can’t wait to see my family!
It’s been a great first year of marriage, and I can’t wait for each one to follow.
Dignity…
Today was my third “hair donation” in the past five years (January 2007, September 2008, January 2011). I donated 9.5 inches this time–the first time was 10 inches, and the second time was 9. It’s so strange to barely be able to get my hair into a ponytail after having such LONG hair for the past six months. But, I love doing this!
I started growing my hair out and donating it because of women in my family who had started to do it (including my mom and my cousin Melanie–I know there are more…). I realized that this was such an easy way to help restore a woman’s dignity during her chemotherapy treatments and the resultant hair loss…
For the first donation (2007), my cousin Kristin and my friend Dannylle did it with me. We road-tripped up to NorCal for the weekend and donated our hair.
The second time was two months after I moved to Pennsylvania…and I don’t have any pictures of that process because I did it impulsively one day (and should have waited a couple of months). This was taken a couple of days afterward (with my former roommate).
This time, I had hoped to wait until April so that it would be slightly longer, and slightly warmer outside. 🙂 But, I got to the point where it just “had to go”, and my wonderful friend was able to cut it for me today!
Brennan and I have a cousin with cancer, and she just got her wig a little while ago…we saw her yesterday, and it renewed within me my desire to do this as long as I am able.
I really don’t say any of this to sound like I’m bragging–because I’m not. Not at all. I am just deeply moved by these women who are fighting such a terrible disease and have to lose their hair (a source of dignity and self-worth for women). If I can do something as simple as grow out my hair, I want to do it! 🙂
It takes an average of six donated ponytails to make one wig.
Consider doing this–yes, it takes a while, but it’s SO worth it! 🙂
Living with Intentionality…
2011 is our year of living with intentionality…
I have set many personal goals for the year (NOT “resolutions”), and many of them tie in with Proverbs 31. Yes, like many, I am also going to focus on being more in shape this year, but that’s because I’m walking 60 miles in three days in October, and must train in order to survive! More importantly, I am striving to be the best wife to Brennan that I can be…to love him like he deserves to be loved. 🙂 Because I’m an organized person, I needed to map out what that would look like in terms of goals. So, I made a list, and I am working hard to become more Christ-like in everything I do, especially when it comes to my husband.
As a couple, we also set a few goals…
We are being very intentional about spending time with certain friends and family members, recognizing that in the past year we often let months go by without seeing them. This also includes an intentionality of time together as a couple, because we recognize the need to continually invest in our marriage.
We are being very intentional about living frugally, in an effort to be debt-free. As of now, we will be debt-free as of September 2012 at the latest, and we are running toward that goal with “gazelle intensity”, as Dave Ramsey says. 🙂 This is playing out in our lives in different ways: budgeting every dollar (like Dave Ramsey says to do), seeking extra income, planning out meals and using programs such as the Angel Food Ministry to save on groceries (and COUPONS!), and making little sacrifices along the way (“Live like no one else so that later you can live like no one else!” –Dave Ramsey) because we recognize that being debt-free is a far better achievement than the things we might choose to spend money on now. Once we are debt-free, we will hopefully buy a home and start a family. That’s our plan, but God may have other plans, and that’s okay, too!
We are being intentional about serving others and serving our community. I am still the “Community Project Coordinator” for our church(es), but that’s the only church responsibility I hold now (after stepping down from worship team for a MUCH needed break after doing it every Sunday for two years–plus practice every Saturday morning). This will allow me to spend more time seeking projects to benefit our neighbors and to demonstrate the Kingdom of God in Harrisburg, PA. We are still involved in a church plant (The Well at East Shore), and are praying about becoming involved in another one later this year. Wherever God leads…
We have really simplified our lives, cutting out things (even “good things”, like church activities) that were making us “busy”, and that were keeping us from clear ministry opportunities that God was putting in our lives. There are people in our lives that desperately need the love of Jesus, and we were too busy to notice until now. So, now we are being intentional (there’s that word again! 🙂 ) about investing in those people…
2011 is going to be a great year…and we are open to whatever God brings our way!
*Side note on the Angel Food Ministry program: they offer amazing deals on food that is perfectly good–not expired or bad quality, as some assume–and it’s open to anyone of any income! We ordered two boxes of food/fruits/vegetables for a total of $68, and one lady figured out that the $41 box is worth $120! I figured out that the fruit/veggie box ($23) is worth close to $50! Best part is that once I sat down and created a menu for the month of February using the food in the boxes, I was able to get 15 meals out of all that food (for two people), with only having to buy a few items at the store to supplement the meals. We are SO excited to be living frugally, supporting a ministry, AND still eating good, healthy meals in the process!
Even So, Joy 