…we said “I do” and promised to love each other for better or for worse… We had no idea what the next five years would bring, but we … Continue reading Five Years Ago Today…
Tag: Marriage
Five Years Ago Today…
Sometimes I wish that God would help us out a little in terms of recognizing moments that we should remember vividly forever. 🙂 A little nudge would be amazing.
My best example: when I met Brennan. That was a slightly important moment in my life, and I honestly don’t remember much about it.
It was five years ago today, Easter Sunday, sometime around noon. It was at East Shore Baptist Church. My life was about to change and I had NO idea.
I remember that I had been up since 4:00am and had just helped lead three worship services. I was exhausted. I remember that his mom said something about wanting me to meet someone, and me (the exhausted introvert) reluctantly following her. I remember inviting him to our newly formed “singles” class the following week and not saying much else.
Why is it that we can often remember the boring, unimportant details about such important moments, but not the details that really matter? Why can’t I remember what he was wearing, what he said, how he looked at me, etc.? In these moments, a little nudge from God would be SO helpful.
In the past five years, so much has happened.
We were friends for three months, dated for six, were engaged
for nine, and have been married for three and a half.
Since our wedding, we have had three addresses.
We are expecting our first child, a daughter, in August 2014.
And, much like the song we danced to on our wedding day says, “…and I thought I loved you then.”
I never could have imagined how much love grows and deepens almost daily!
“What I can’t see is how I’m ever gonna love you more – but I’ve said that before…”
I may not remember very clearly how we met, but I am no less thankful for what joy the last five years have brought to my life.
I wasn’t looking for love that day, or even a date. But God, in His sovereignty and grace, redeemed that uneventful first meeting and turned it into a lifelong love.
“Like a river meets the sea, stronger than its ever been
We’ve come so far since that day, and I thought I loved you then”
Day Six: I’m Thankful For…My Husband
Preface: Last year I decided to express my thanks during the month of November for something new each day, as so many others have done before me. I never finished this series, so that’s my goal this year. I am re-posting the ones I wrote last year and adding new ones. This was originally posted on 11/06/12 (with slight changes made today).
Today is our third anniversary.
I am so thankful that God brought me to Pennsylvania for many reasons…but I’m especially thankful that He allowed me the privilege of meeting Brennan on April 12, 2009.
I was content where I was and wasn’t looking to get married…but God had other plans and I’m SO thankful that His ways are different/greater than ours!
Brennan has been such an amazing friend and life partner through the past four and a half years of being together.
He consistently encourages me by his example to be a better person and sharpens me in ways I didn’t expect.
Just some of the things I love about Brennan…
- His smile
- The way he rubs his hands together when he is excited
- The way he looks when he’s dressed up (SO handsome!)
- His scent
- His selflessness
- His simplicity
- His gorgeous green eyes
- His leadership with our MHS boys
- The way he cuddles up to me in the morning
- His affectionate nature
- His love of showing his affection for me–publicly and privately
- His willingness to eat anything that I prepare
- The way he can read me in a second and know how I’m feeling
- His tendency to become protective of me when I am hurting
- His amazing work ethic and how hard he works to provide
- The passion he displays when he prays out loud
- His love of children (he will be an amazing father)
- His never-ending support and encouragement
- His patience
- His goofiness 🙂
The joy that Brennan brings to my life is incredible. Life is so much richer with him by my side! I am so thankful for him and for the adventures we’ve had so far…and for those yet to come.
Thank you, Jesus, for answering my lifelong prayer for a husband by bringing me Brennan. He is more wonderful than I ever imagined.
We Bought A House!
As many of you know, Brennan and I are now homeowners. After renting small apartments (less than 600 sq. ft) for the first two years of our marriage (in an effort to live frugally and eliminate our debt), we are now the owners of an 1,800 sq. ft house! It isn’t a perfect house — it does need some “love” in a few areas–but it is perfect for us and for our future family.
During our home inspection, the inspector continually smiled at us as we expressed our gratitude for the things the house offers that we have missed and appreciate so much…things like:
- a dishwasher
- a laundry room (no more laundromats!)
- central air conditioning/heat with a thermostat
- the ability to buy a refrigerator with an ice maker
- our own backyard and deck
- ceiling fans in every room!
- bigger closets than we’ve had thus far in our marriage
It’s truly the little things in life that are worth celebrating.
It doesn’t take much to make us happy because our contentment isn’t found in “stuff”–it is found in immaterial things. We don’t need a brand new house that is perfect from the beginning–all we need is a place to call our own and to make our own. God has blessed us with a house that was a tremendous deal (worth far more than what we paid for it), and it’s one that we can easily afford (only slightly more than our rent now) on just Brennan’s income. We are so blessed and so excited to transform this house into our home!
Day Seventeen: I’m Thankful For…Mystery Shopping.
Preface: I thought it was fitting to express my thanks during the month of November for something new each day, as so many others have done before me. I’ve never taken the time to do this, and it will be a challenge to blog each day, but it’s so important to recognize the blessings God has given us! 🙂 These are in NO particular order…
In early 2011 I began mystery shopping, and it has been such a blessing to us.
It all started when Brennan came home and mentioned that the Hotel Hershey had been evaluated by mystery shoppers from Forbes/AAA recently and they had just received their scores. I couldn’t believe that someone could get paid to get a massage! 🙂 I was familiar with the concept of mystery shopping because my mom and grandma had done it when I was younger; so, I decided to look into it for myself and have found it to be a really fun hobby!
Mystery shopping provides us with abundant “free” date nights. We can mystery shop movie theatres, tons of restaurants (ranging from fast food to fancy), hotels, sporting events, concerts, etc. This has been such a blessing to us because we strive to live as frugally as possible and this allows us to still “date” each other frequently (which is very important)!
On the practical side, we hardly ever pay for oil changes, brake inspections, shipping packages, etc. anymore. There are so many ways to get paid for things you need to do anyway! This has saved us so much money in the past two years!
Mystery shopping is challenging and requires a lot of detailed observations; but, once you get the hang of it you develop a system. Brennan is a great help on these shops because he can help me remember the details when it’s time to enter the shop into the system and he really enjoys it as well.
Finally, mystery shopping has been a way for me to bring extra income to the table which has allowed us to pay off our credit card debt so much faster. Since I only work part-time currently, it has made me feel like I am contributing to our family finances more, which I love.
I’m very thankful that God has provided this opportunity for us to date, live frugally, and have fun through mystery shopping!
(To read more about how to get into mystery shopping on your own, read this post.)
Day Six: I’m Thankful For…My Husband.
Preface: I thought it was fitting to express my thanks during the month of November for something new each day, as so many others have done before me. I’ve never taken the time to do this, and it will be a challenge to blog each day, but it’s so important to recognize the blessings God has given us! 🙂 These are in NO particular order…
I decided to wait to post about my husband on our anniversary (2 years!) instead of on “day 2” 🙂
I am so thankful that God brought me to Pennsylvania for many reasons…but I’m especially thankful that He allowed me the privilege of meeting Brennan on April 12, 2009. I was content where I was and wasn’t looking to get married…but God had other plans and I’m SO thankful that His ways are different/greater than ours!
Brennan has been such an amazing friend and life partner through the past three and a half years. He consistently encourages me by his example to be a better person and sharpens me in ways I didn’t expect.
Just some of the things I love about Brennan…
- His smile
- The way he rubs his hands together when he is excited
- The way he looks when he’s dressed up (SO handsome!)
- His scent
- His selflessness
- His simplicity
- His gorgeous green eyes
- His leadership with our MHS boys
- The way he cuddles up to me in the morning
- His affectionate nature
- His love of showing his affection for me–publicly and privately
- His willingness to eat anything that I prepare
- The way he can read me in a second and know how I’m feeling
- His tendency to become protective of me when I am hurting
- His amazing work ethic and how hard he works to provide
- The passion he displays when he prays out loud
- His love of children (he will be an amazing father)
- His never-ending support and encouragement
- His patience
- His goofiness 🙂
The joy that Brennan brings to my life is incredible. Life is so much richer with him by my side! I am so thankful for him and for the adventures we’ve had so far…and for those yet to come.
Thank you, Jesus, for answering my lifelong prayer for a husband by bringing me Brennan. He is more wonderful than I ever imagined.
Guest Post: Building Up the Men in Our Lives
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Building Up the Men in Our Lives
He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. (Proverbs 17:9, NIV) |
| By Sheri Rose Shepherd Bestselling Author and Bible Life Coach |
| learn more ▶ |
| When our husbands let us down, it’s hard not to voice our anger and disappointment. We don’t do it to hurt or embarrass our husbands. We are women, and we’re wired to share our hearts with another person. We definitely need one another to become the women we want to be, but we need to be careful not to cripple our men by uncovering their weaknesses to everyone.Obviously we all need someone to help us sort through our feelings. I think it is best to find one or two trustworthy people who are in favor of our marriages and won’t repeat our conversation to others. I have two best friends to whom I tell everything because they help me see things from my husband’s perspective and help me fight for my marriage by praying and sharing wisdom from the Word. I am careful, even with them, not to overshare in a way that would humiliate my husband, Steve.
Think about how we would feel if our husbands talked about our weaknesses at their workplaces. Let’s commit to covering our men and not exposing them, and let’s pray for them to grow as leaders. Don’t Enable . . . For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her. (Ephesians 5:25) Because we women are so good at leading, many times we leave our men in the dust or allow them to become weak leaders. How are they ever supposed to learn to lead if we do everything for them? We are not their mothers; we are their wives. Christ asked them to love, lead, and take care of us the way He loves the church. It’s important that we not try to do things that are our husbands’ responsibility unless they are absolutely necessary. Even if we can do their job better than they can, we’re not helping them become the men they long to be; we are enabling them. They will see us as their mothers and not their wives, which will make us bitter toward them and produce the fruit of self-hate in their lives. Do What You Can to Empower Him . . . Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do. (1 Peter 3:6) I used to think it was strange that Sarah called her husband “master.” I thought maybe she was even putting her husband before God. But today I realize she was a wise woman. She was empowering her husband to find his place as her leader. We can also help our husbands become godly leaders for us. Even if they do not rise up right away, we shouldn’t give up on them. We can keep praying and empowering them. Whatever they do, big or small, let’s encourage them. Let’s be like Sarah and do whatever it takes to empower our men to be great. For more teaching from the Your Heart’s Desire book and Bible study, visit www.biblelifecoaching.com. Watch the trailer:
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Guest Post: “We Are on the Same Team and Fighting the Same Enemy”
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We Are on the Same Team and Fighting the Same Enemy
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) |
| By Sheri Rose Shepherd Bestselling Author and Bible Life Coach |
| learn more ▶ |
| Think about what makes your heart melt when you watch a great love story. It’s not the hero’s physical strength or his beloved’s beauty, is it? No, you and I are drawn to the power of true love and its inexplicable ability to prevail over tragedy and adversity. The greater the conflict, the stronger the love must be in order to resolve the issue. When the hero does whatever it takes to save the relationship, our hearts soar with renewed hope. Likewise, as we seek to truly listen and understand our men when differences between us create friction, we set ourselves up for more satisfying and loving relationships.
The Author of love and life and the Designer of our differences knew there would be conflict between men and women. The real problem comes, though, when we get accustomed to seeing relational problems solved in the time it takes to eat a bag of popcorn. Our hero and his beauty have less than two hours to defeat the dragons and overcome unspeakable challenges. You and I are not going to magically resolve deep relationship conflicts in our own wisdom and definitely not in less than two hours. When I met my husband, Steve, I was sure we were a match made in heaven. In fact, we have had the privilege of being in ministry together for most of our marriage. I wish I could tell you it’s been an effortless, wonderful life for the two of us, but I would be lying to you. I learned to fight loud and strong by watching my parents. My brother and I would hide together in my bedroom as our parents tore into each other during arguments, often screaming and throwing things. Because of my broken family, when I first got married I was sure that every conflict between me and Steve would end our marriage. Steve was raised by parents who had stayed married, so it was impossible for him to relate to my fears and worries. He was raised in quieter surroundings. His parents dealt with conflict quite differently from mine. There was no rage. No yelling. No broken furniture. His parents rarely fought—and never in front of their children. But his family also had no system to resolve conflict. That meant issues went unresolved—though not unnoticed. Steve’s and my fighting techniques were drastically different. However, neither of us had been equipped to deal appropriately with marital conflict. That led to major challenges early in our marriage whenever we attempted to resolve a disagreement. To make things even more difficult, when I married Steve I was a new Christian and had not yet learned how to channel my anger properly. I tried everything to get him to react or resolve conflict with me, and as I waited, I became more bitter and he became more distant. One day I couldn’t take Steve’s calm, cool responses anymore. From my perspective, he obviously needed some lessons on how to fight for our marriage. I’d had enough of his “let’s work it out peacefully by ignoring our problems” act. In my mind, he was being polite only to annoy me. “Why don’t you ever show some emotion and prove to me you care about our marriage?” I yelled. Steve stood there quietly, shaking his head and looking down at the ground. Then suddenly, he turned toward the mirror on our bedroom closet door and kicked it as hard as he could, smashing it to bits. Wow, I thought, what a performance. He sure learns fast. Suddenly I began to laugh hysterically through my tears. I was so shocked I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or ready to run from what I saw. His toenail was jutting out at a bizarre angle as he asked me, “Is that enough emotion for you? If it would help, I could probably throw myself on the floor and work up a good cry.” We both began to laugh together as we attempted to pick up the glass fragments scattered all over our bedroom floor. In that moment I realized how much we had shattered each other just because we were different and had not been trained on how to resolve conflict. Our marriage was not the problem; it was our hearts. Neither of us had a teachable spirit. It took several years, a lot of tears, and one expensive closet door mirror to repair the damage inflicted during those early years. We still have conflict, as all couples do, but we now understand that we are on the same team and that it’s okay not to agree on everything. After twenty-five years of marriage, we’ve decided it’s worth letting go of the little things and fighting to understand one another. Conflict comes no matter who we marry. We may be fighting about different things with different men, but there will always be major differences between men and women. I once heard a pastor say that if spouses agreed on everything, only one of them would be needed. Let’s not allow our differences to divide us any longer! For a sneak peek of Sheri Rose’s Your Heart’s Desire Group Experience, or to learn more about her ministry, visit www.biblelifecoaching.com. Watch the trailer:
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Guest Post: “Desiring a “Happily Ever After”: Fighting the Temptation to Give Up on Love and Marriage”
I am so blessed to have the privilege of sharing the next few articles from author Sheri Rose Shepherd on my blog! She offers wisdom and encouragement that is biblically based and I will be posting articles from her over the next three weeks. If these apply to someone you know, please share the posts with him/her!
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Desiring a “Happily Ever After”
Fighting the Temptation to Give Up on Love and Marriage |
| By Sheri Rose Shepherd Bestselling Author and Bible Life Coach |
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| learn more ▶ |
| I don’t know where you stand today with the man you love or loved—or if you are single, divorced, separated, or widowed. I can tell you, though, that if you’ve been hurt, you can be sure Your heavenly Father knows how hard it is to love and forgive the one who caused you pain. Yet regardless of the relational devastation you face, no one can keep you from finishing strong for God’s glory!I was raised in a non-Christian home. My parents have each been married and divorced to three different people. As part of several blended families, all I understood about marriage when I was growing up was “unhappily ever after.” But then I became a Christian at twenty-four and married my husband, Steve, just a few years later. Because of my love for God and my husband, I honestly didn’t think anything could shake my own marriage or faith.
In the summer of 2007, however, my happily ever after was wiped out and my faith was tested. The family foundation I had worked so hard to build and protect was almost destroyed, along with my ministry, in that season of my life. I truly believed that God had forsaken me. I had just finished writing my book for mothers about raising sons to become godly husbands. As I excitedly ran upstairs to e-mail the manuscript to the publisher, I suddenly felt as if something dark hovered over me. My passion for the book’s message was drowned out by the fear of an attack from the enemy that could come against me and my family if I stepped on his territory . . . young men and their future marriages. I called the publisher and said I’d need to wait and pray for courage before submitting the manuscript. I went to my son, Jake, who was eighteen years old and a senior in high school at the time, and asked him if he had any plans of rebelling against his faith once he graduated from high school. I told him I was willing to give him freedom to find his own faith in Christ, but I didn’t want to put out a book about raising boys if my own son was going to walk away from the Lord. He reassured me that he was strong in his faith and that he felt I should publish the book. I decided to take the chance to make a difference and sent in the manuscript. The book began climbing the charts, and everything seemed to be going well. I even began speaking with my son at conferences for mothers of boys. Then three months into my book tour, my fear of attack hit. My husband had taken a job that we had both prayed for. This job appeared to be a blessing; however, his new position required him to violate some of the boundaries we had put in place to protect our marriage, and we ended up separated. There I was in the public eye of ministry, fighting to save future marriages, and somehow my own marriage was falling apart. My son was devastated by the division between me and his dad. It was too hard for him to deal with all his confusion, pain, and anger, so he took a break from his faith and began using drugs and alcohol to comfort himself. I had always known to run to God for cover when there was a great attack, but now I felt like He had left me alone on the battlefield to fight for myself. It appeared that all I had believed about God and all my effort to build a strong foundation for my own family had been shattered. My pain, my shame, and my life were an embarrassment. I felt as if I were battling an out-of-control fire that would burn up everything I loved and lived for. Every night I would cry myself to sleep as I struggled to understand why God had not protected me while I was attempting to accomplish something for His glory. One night I could not take it anymore, so I fell to my knees and told God I either wanted Him to fix my family or I wanted to quit the ministry. Then I felt the Lord asking me a bigger question: Was My life, given on a cross for you, not enough for you to finish strong even if it means surrendering the life you wanted? For the first time I realized that my heart’s true desire was to feel loved and secure, and yet no man on earth could love me the way my Lord does. In that moment of crisis I found the true meaning of following Christ. God had not forsaken me, but He did want to free me from depending on others to give me my happily ever after. That night I gave my heart’s deepest desire to God and chose to follow Him at any cost. In exchange, He gave me something so much better; He gave me peace that was more powerful than my circumstances. My faith was no longer in people; it was in Christ alone. Although nothing outwardly had changed yet, I had been changed. Today, Steve and I have celebrated twenty-five years of marriage, and our son serves God with His whole heart. He and his bride have given us our first grandbaby girl. However, to be honest, restoring our marriage was excruciatingly painful and more difficult than either of us expected. As hard as this trial was, it taught me a valuable lesson: our Lord is the God of comfort and the author of a new beginning. He can and will rebuild a beautiful life out of any broken heart willing to make a change. He will use one sacrificial choice; one act of forgiveness; one sincere, repentant heart; and one woman who is willing to step out in faith and start rebuilding with His love for His glory. I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:1-2) For more teaching from the Your Heart’s Desire book and Bible study, visit www.biblelifecoaching.com. Watch the trailer:
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Tomorrow is Never Guaranteed…
A few weeks ago I stumbled upon a blog that has impacted me deeply. I found the blog because the author–Ryan–was nominated by someone for a “Love Bomb“–a weekly ministry of people from all over the world who leave hundreds of comments to encourage someone going through tough times. Each week, someone is nominated and we all read a few posts, comment, and pray for the person/family. It usually only takes 5-10 minutes of my time, but sometimes I just can’t stop reading these blogs. They sometimes end up being part of my “Google Reader” so that I can continue to read updates and pray. The blog in this post is one of them.
The blog that was nominated a few weeks ago was this one. Ryan is young (I think he’s my age or younger) and dying of cancer. The doctors have given him 3-6 months to live. He has a beautiful wife and two gorgeous children, and his blog discusses this strange and awful journey of preparing for what seems to be a certain death in a very short period of time. Of course, they are praying for a miracle (and I am, too!), but they are also preparing for “life without Ryan”. Most recently, this included buying a new car so that his wife would have reliable transportation if/when Ryan passes away. They also went as a family to Disneyland last month to create memories as a family that their kids will remember always. He loves his wife SO much and it is apparent in everything that he writes.
Unlike some blogs that discuss similar situations, this one is not depressing and morbid. Rather, it is realistic and somehow upbeat despite the subject matter. He is open about his faith and even wrote a great post about why he doesn’t blame God for his cancer. Ryan and his wife’s brave approach to all of this is inspiring and challenging. It has made me wonder which is worse: knowing approximately how long until you die, or having death come suddenly…I think knowing would be worse.
I will admit that I have shed tears over these blog posts. I cannot imagine being told that I had 3-6 months to live when I’m not even 30 years old yet. Even worse, knowing that I’d be leaving behind a spouse and children. It has caused me to think through what it would be like if Brennan were no longer here and what life would look like. Or, what Brennan’s life would look like if I weren’t here.
And because of that, it has changed how I view our marriage. Our marriage is healthy, happy, love-filled and relatively new, so it’s not that I suddenly had a 180 degree turn or anything like that; but it has caused me to treat each day as if it could be our last (which is true) and to be much more thankful for the gift that Brennan is in my life. It is SO easy to become comfortable and to take things for granted, and Ryan’s stories have really made me want to make an effort to NEVER do that. Tomorrow is never a guarantee, and I pray that I approach each day with that in mind.
I wanted to share Ryan’s story because he and his family really need prayer during this time. I also wanted to share because I think his story will have an impact on anyone who reads about him. Please check out his blog and pray for him.
Even So, Joy 