Category: Musings and Ponderings

Peace which exceeds anything we can understand…

On Friday, we grieved as we adjusted to the news of our Tori’s diagnosis. We prayed, pleaded, and cried out to the Lord to spare our beloved daughter.

On Saturday, we prayed, visited with friends and family who came by, and we prayed some more. Yet again, every song that came on the radio spoke to our hearts and brought comfort.

The future is still so unclear, and we have no idea what God’s plan is.

However, both Brennan and I are filled with a supernatural peace right now about all of this. We truly can’t explain it. We have been receiving messages about how this is impacting the lives of people we’ve never even met, which has reminded us that God is already using her little life for big things. We are seeing things happen that can’t be coincidence.

We are filled with hope because we know that He is going to heal her – whether on earth with us or in Heaven with Him. Is this easy? Not at all. We still have a long road ahead of us. But, He has reminded us that He loves us, He loves her, He has a plan, and we shouldn’t worry.

“Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again – rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 4:4-7

http://www.facebook.com/prayingfortori

Praying for Healing…

If I am honest, I will admit that I am very skeptical of God giving the gift of healing to people in the world today. I absolutely believe that He, Himself, can heal and often does. But, because I have seen so many phony healers in my lifetime, I am admittedly skeptical about a person having that gift.

However, we are now in a situation where only God can save our little girl’s life. So, it has made us consider things that we previously would have pushed aside.

Several people have mentioned Bethel Church in Redding, CA to me as a place that is known for successful healings and workings of the Holy Spirit. The funny thing about that is that my hometown is a little town called Red Bluff, only 30 minutes south of where Bethel is located.

Brennan and I have been praying and pleading with God to heal Tori because it would be such an incredible testimony of His power to tens of thousands of people around the world, especially the doctors who have been working with us who are experts in these fields. Can you imagine what an impact it would have for them to see a new MRI of her brain and have it be completely restored again? And to see her developing and growing normally again?

Because of the generosity of hundreds, we have the financial ability to hop on a plane to go to Bethel in person and to see my family at the same time. Please pray with us about this. We are so desperate to save our little girl’s life, but even more so, we want God to use her to change the world. For the first time in two weeks I feel overwhelmed with hope, and that is far better than dwelling on the negative.

http://www.facebook.com/prayingfortori

Easily Offended…

of·fend·ed (əˈfendid) adjective: resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived insult.

Of all the things that bother me about the way our culture in America has changed during my lifetime, the tendency to be so easily offended is probably at the top of my list. It’s something I don’t understand, and, unfortunately, I don’t see it changing anytime soon.

You don’t dare say something that might “offend” anyone, even if it is the truth. This goes hand-in-hand with our culture’s lawsuit mentality – another thing that drives me crazy. People live their lives in fear that they might accidentally say or do something that someone will sue them over, and it has become absolutely ridiculous.

I worked in the political arena – as a volunteer and as an employee – for several years, and I saw this all the time.

In the political world, people allow party lines to be roadblocks to open communication. In the legislature, simply knowing that a bill was written by someone of the opposite party can mean that it won’t pass, despite its merit and worth to society. People choose to be offended simply because someone sees something differently than they do. This is especially amusing because our culture says that everything is relative…

One of my favorite quotes about this topic is from the movie The American President – which is one of my favorite movies of all time.

‘America isn’t easy. America is advanced citizenship. You gotta want it bad, ’cause it’s gonna put up a fight. It’s gonna say “You want free speech? Let’s see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who’s standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours.”‘
– The American President

Our Founding Fathers didn’t agree on everything, but they didn’t let these differences prevent them from coming up with solutions. They had reasonable discourse, even if heated at times, and they were respectful of different ideas (as evidenced in many documents from that time).

They realized that we all come from different backgrounds and have different ideas, and all of them are worthy of consideration. If we all thought the same way and believed the same things, life would be incredibly boring and we would have nothing to discuss. Yet, our culture has lost the ability to respectfully dialogue and discuss issues with the intent of truly learning from the other side.

Our country was founded on the concepts of several freedoms, one being the Freedom of Speech – and that freedom only works if you are willing to respectfully listen to those who disagree with you (as the quote above says). History aside, this is a significant problem in our culture today.

In terms of the Freedom of Religion, the best example I can come up with at the moment is Christmas: Christmas is a holiday that celebrates the birth of Jesus. It is a religious holiday – more specifically, a Christian holiday. But, don’t you dare mention Jesus or have a Nativity scene set up to celebrate, because you might offend someone.

Yes, I realize our culture has largely changed Christmas into a secular holiday as well and has made it all about gifts and Santa and whatever else, but it is supposed to be about JESUS. It’s not called “Christmas Vacation” anymore in schools because you might offend someone who doesn’t celebrate the holiday (which, really, is a very small amount of people since it has become so secularized). People say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” for the same reason (even though holiday comes from “holy day” so it’s essentially the same thing).

When did we become so sensitive, and why?

This is something I simply cannot understand, because I have never been offended by a Jewish menorah or Star of David. I have never been offended by Kwanzaa or Ramadan. I have never tried to secularize these holidays so that I can benefit from the celebrations. Why? I recognize the right of these groups to celebrate what they believe in openly and publicly. As long as what they are doing is not destructive or harmful, then why does it matter what they celebrate? It doesn’t. So why are Christians and Christian holidays singled out as being so offensive?

From a theological standpoint, I understand why people are offended by Jesus. The Gospel offends because it acknowledges sin in our lives and we don’t like to be told that we are wrong. There is also a very real enemy who roams around the earth trying to turn people against Jesus. I get all of that. But it seems like the only religion that brings offense in our culture is Christianity. 

I maintain that it is a choice to be offended. It is a choice to refuse to listen to the other side of the issue and discuss things rationally. And the root of this is selfishness – “it’s all about me, so don’t you dare do anything that I don’t like.”

We have forgotten how to love our neighbors. We have forgotten that each person has value and deserves to be respected. We have forgotten that there’s a huge difference between tolerance (“the ability or willingness to tolerate something, in particular the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with“) and acceptance, and we let our emotions and selfishness rule our behavior.

This is a dangerous path and if we don’t take the time to instill within the younger generations what true tolerance is, and encourage them to not be easily offended, things are only going to be worse in the future.

First Pregnancy: 25 Weeks and Counting…

IMG_0289-2This post is more vulnerable than I tend to be on here, but I know that my struggle isn’t uncommon among women, especially those who are pregnant, so I felt that it was worth sharing.

Last week we had our “maternity photos” taken by a talented friend of mine who was in town for a visit.

I had hesitated to have them done because I am incredibly self-conscious of my appearance right now; however, knowing myself, I realized that I would likely regret not having done this to document our first pregnancy. We decided that even if we didn’t share any of them, it was important to have them taken for our benefit and for our baby girl to see some day.

We had these done the day after my 24-week appointment – the one where I was told that I had gained “too much weight” the past month, therefore making me feel even worse about my weight and appearance. The number I saw on the scale was truly horrifying and one that I never thought that I would ever see. Not exactly what you want to hear before having portraits taken!

It doesn’t help that I was already overweight when I found out I was pregnant (I had actually just lost 11 pounds and was doing really well with losing weight…figures 🙂 ). I was already self-conscious and nervous about gaining weight during pregnancy because of this, so hearing that from the nurses just made me feel *great* about myself. 🙂

I’ve tried to remind myself of a few things over the past 25 weeks:

1 – I am growing a human being. This takes a toll on any pregnant woman’s body.

2 – I am supposed to gain weight, and as long as I am doing my best to be healthy, the number on the scale doesn’t matter (much easier said than believed).

3 – After delivery, breastfeeding and a good diet/exercise will melt the pounds away, and I will be able to work toward being at a healthy weight before the next pregnancy.

4 – My husband loves me no matter what and he still thinks that I am beautiful. He tells me that daily, even though I may not agree 🙂

5 – I have to stop playing the comparison game! It doesn’t matter what other pregnant women look like. It doesn’t matter that they might look “cuter” pregnant than I do. At the end of the day, what matters is that our baby is healthy and I am healthy.

I know that this will be a daily battle for the next few months, especially when comments like the one I received yesterday are received (“you look like you’re ready to go any day!”). But, the most important thing that I can do right now is to just continue eating well and taking care of the growing baby inside of me, no matter what the scale (or my mind) says. That’s all that matters.

 


 

Other than the above, I am still feeling GREAT and am so very thankful that pregnancy has been so kind to me thus far. I am having issues sleeping because of hip pain, but Brennan’s massage skills are really helping to calm down the irritated muscles and allowing me to sleep more soundly.

I will be 26 weeks on Sunday and can’t believe that we’re getting so close to meeting her already! My last day of work is less than three months from now…crazy.

No, we do not have a name. Even if we did, we have decided to not share the name until birth for multiple reasons. 🙂

She is kicking and moving around frequently now (ever since 22 weeks), though not strong enough for Brennan to be able to feel yet.

The floor in her room was refinished last weekend thanks to Brennan and our friend Dean! Next is a fresh coat (or coats) of paint in the next few weeks and then decorating.

This is getting real.

The Results of Being Thankful…

Yesterday, our pastor was discussing prayer and worship (1 Timothy 2: 1-8), and he said something that I had never thought about. Since I’ve been in church my entire life, it’s always great when God uses familiar Scripture to teach me something new!

Ephesians 5: 1- 4:

Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.  Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God.

Instead. This is how you could live, but instead, “let there be thankfulness…”

Paul is saying something so simple, yet so profound:
If we are thankful, it will be much harder to sin.

Think about it:

  • If we are thankful for all that God has done, we will love Him and no other false gods.
  • If we are thankful for our spouse, we won’t cheat.
  • If we are thankful for our job, we won’t be lazy.
  • If we are thankful for our “neighbors” and family, we will love selflessly and won’t harm them.
  • If we are thankful for what God has provided, we won’t covet/steal what others have.
  • If we are thankful for the mercy that God has shown us, we will show mercy to those around us more freely.
  • If we are thankful, we won’t be selfish.

I did a quick word study to see where the word “thankful” or “thanks” appears in the Bible, and this is what I found:

Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God,  and keep the vows you made to the Most High…giving thanks is a sacrifice that truly honors me. (Psalm 50:14, 23a)

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart. (Colossians 4:2)
And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. (Colossians 3:15)
Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness. (Colossians 2:7)
  • When we are thankful, we recognize that God is the provider of everything we have, which also humbles us.
  • When we are thankful for what we have, we are less likely to sin.
  • When we are thankful, we recognize that apart from God, we can do nothing…that He alone is God and we are merely human.
Sometimes being thankful is a natural response, and sometimes it is a sacrifice (as we see throughout Psalms) because it goes against our human nature and how we feel at the moment. Nevertheless, God is pretty clear about this concept: Be thankful ALWAYS, even when you don’t feel like it.

New Chapter and Healing from the Previous One…

I began a new chapter in my life this week – moving from unemployment/temporary work to a new, “permanent” position.

I had a difficult time in the weeks leading up to this new beginning as I was unsure of whether or not I should have accepted the position. It didn’t have anything to do with the job or the employer itself – it had everything to do with a “fear of commitment” in regards to jobs that I didn’t know I had developed. It had everything to do with past scars caused by some awful supervisors that I’ve had in the recent past. And it also had everything to do with the fact that this isn’t my “dream” – this isn’t what I feel so passionate about, and I was afraid that taking this job would prevent me from further pursuing that which God has placed in my heart. Essentially, I was afraid of what might be around the corner and I was afraid of making the wrong decision.

From the very first hour of my new job I began to see that the negative things about my past job are nonexistent here. From the smallest to the largest things, God has redeemed my employment situation. I also began to see that I had built a wall around my heart during my last job that was preventing me from being excited/feeling blessed about where God has brought me now. I didn’t realize that I had done this, but God is using new experiences each day to slowly remove one brick at a time, which is showing me just how high the wall had become. Still, even now, I am having a hard time letting myself be excited and letting myself just accept that God has brought me to a place where I am neededwanted, affirmed, empowered, treated with respect, included…

Looking back (hindsight is 20/20, after all) over this past summer, there is no doubt in my mind that everything God allowed to happen was incredibly intentional:

May 17, 2013: Laid off from HE&R (SO THANKFUL!!!!), beginning a time of solitude, reflection, unknown, and healing.

At the same time, Brennan and I are beginning to feel that we shouldn’t be “regular relief houseparents” at the Milton Hershey School anymore due to family/church circumstances…we begin praying.

June/July: Able to do photography for Christian Retreat Center‘s camps because I was laid off, reminding me of my love for photography.

June 25: Jon Acuff sends out an email/blog post/tweet about joining him on an adventure and I accept.

Brennan and I decide to try to become “emergency relief” at MHS which would allow us to be home each weekend (unless called) and would allow us to still be involved with the students.

July 15:The START Experiment” begins…my risk was to focus on self-discipline after several months of not-so-subtle nudging from the Lord…

July-August: I realize through the START Experiment and the accompanying community what my dream job really is and I begin to pursue it. I start Essential Harrisburg and begin sending my portfolio to potential organizations.

I also interviewed for this new job at MHS in August.

We are told that we wouldn’t be allowed to be “emergency relief” due to the number of couples already in that status. I also find out from HR a few days after my interview that I cannot accept a potential job offer from MHS if we are still “regular relief” because of the number of hours I would be working.

We are faced with an incredibly difficult decision to either quit or stay on as “regular relief”

One Sunday, while covering a student home, my supervisor “just happens” to come by and I am able to pour my heart out to him regarding all of this and our desire to stay on with the school as houseparents.

We find out on September 3 that we have been granted “emergency relief” status…and an hour later, I am offered the job that I later accepted. 

September 12-17: I had the incredible privilege of attending “The START Conference” in Nashville, TN and finally got to meet some of the amazing friends I made through “The START Experiment” and was able to further clarify my “dream” and made some connections with professionals in that field. AMAZING. I came home filled with energy, excitement, peace, and even more trust in what God is doing behind the scenes.

Our God is not a God of coincidence. Nothing that happened this summer is a coincidence.

If I had not been laid off…if I had not accepted Jon’s offer of adventure…if…

This new chapter of life is still very new, and my future is still very “fuzzy” and obscure, but I already feel so at peace.

I know that God has placed the dream in my heart to travel around the world, taking pictures and telling stories, and I have no doubt that He will bring that to fruition in His timing. For now, I am going to do my best here, at a job about which I am passionate, telling the story of Mr. & Mrs. Hershey and their incredible generosity and legacy, while waiting for whatever God might have in the future.

 

 

September 11, 2001

I can’t believe that it has already been twelve years. It was my first full week of classes at Azusa Pacific University. I was only 18.

Rather than write something new today, I thought I’d share two posts that I wrote on this day in 2004 and 2005:

September 11, 2004: NEVER FORGET…

I’m sure that most people are posting about what today represents…

So I don’t want to repeat all that has been said.

The thing that I remember the most about that day was probably my devotional reading.

I read “My Utmost for His Highest” by Oswald Chambers, and was blown away by the relevancy of the devotional. It is always so amazing to me how God puts things exactly where they are needed…it happens SO often with what I read, as I’m sure it does with you all as well.

The last line of this devotional is so incredibly true and relevant…and I wanted to share it with you all.

May we never forget what happened on that September day…

September 11: Missionary Weapons

If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet—John 13:14

Ministering in Everyday Opportunities.

Ministering in everyday opportunities that surround us does not mean that we select our own surroundings—it means being God’s very special choice to be available for use in any of the seemingly random surroundings which He has engineered for us. The very character we exhibit in our present surroundings is an indication of what we will be like in other surroundings.

The things Jesus did were the most menial of everyday tasks, and this is an indication that it takes all of God’s power in me to accomplish even the most common tasks in His way. Can I use a towel as He did? Towels, dishes, sandals, and all the other ordinary things in our lives reveal what we are made of more quickly than anything else. It takes God Almighty Incarnate in us to do the most menial duty as it ought to be done.

Jesus said, “I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you” (13:15). Notice the kind of people that God brings around you, and you will be humiliated once you realize that this is actually His way of revealing to you the kind of person you have been to Him. Now He says we should exhibit to those around us exactly what He has exhibited to us.

Do you find yourself responding by saying, “Oh, I will do all that once I’m out on the mission field”? Talking in this way is like trying to produce the weapons of war while in the trenches of the battlefield–you will be killed while trying to do it. We have to go the “second mile” with God (see Matthew 5:41 ). Yet some of us become worn out in the first ten steps. Then we say, “Well, I’ll just wait until I get closer to the next big crisis in my life.”

But if we do not steadily minister in everyday opportunities, we will do nothing when the crisis comes.

 

September 11, 2005:

As I taught Sunday School this morning, I couldn’t help but bring up the events of September 11, 2001. I asked my junior high and high schoolers what they remember, and surprisingly they remembered a lot. Most of them were in 3rd or 4th grade…I was in my first full week as a college student.

I was getting ready for work, and when I walked out into the hallway of my dorm, three or four girls were on their phones. That was strange because it was 7:30am. One of them told me that the Pentagon had been bombed, and I walked away in disbelief, because “no one just bombs the Pentagon.” I got to work (in the library’s media center), and all the tvs were on. The rest is history. It was so sobering!

In the summer of 2002 I visited Ground Zero, and was struck by the enormity of the hole…I had never been to NYC to see the towers, and I will never forget that visit. It was silent, though there were probably 500 people around.

As we discussed the events this morning, I also talked about Philippians 4:11, which is the verse that has been my biggest continual lesson over the past six weeks or so. It is often SO hard to be content whatever the circumstances…especially in the light of a horrific tragedy. However, we must remember that God is sovereign, and He alone knows the greater purposes that will come from these events. We must rest and be content knowing that the awesome Creator of the universe is in COMPLETE control.

It’s so humbling to reflect upon all that I have been given, and all the ways in which the Lord has blessed me. I praise Him for all the situations through which He has brought me, and I am eager to continue learning these lessons as I grow in Him.

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength…” (Phil. 4:13)