God is at Work…

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I am constantly in awe of how God works in our lives…and how He is working in mine during this time of unemployment.

Two weeks ago, I applied for a job with an organization whose purpose I fully believe in. It was the first job description that I had that I felt “drawn to”, that I could see myself doing with fervor and passion. Last night, a friend called to tell me that his mom works for this organization, and I spoke with her last night; she requested to have lunch with me today in order to get to know me better (so that she can be a reference).

This morning, I had a phone interview, and it went very well! I had lunch with my friend’s mom afterward, and while we were at lunch, the women who had conducted the phone interview walked in! They came over to talk to my friend’s mom, and she introduced me to them. That is not a coincidence! šŸ™‚

During the past two months that I have been unemployed, I have watched God provide for my every need! Just last Friday, I was given an envelope with my name on it (no other writing), with enough money in it to pay half my rent for this month! God promises in His Word to provide for ALL our needs, and He has yet again shown me this first hand.

It is exciting…I may not know where exactly God is leading me, but I know and trust that He is faithful, He is sovereign, and that He loves me. And that is all I need to know. šŸ™‚

It’s October…

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Autumn is here, the chilly temperatures signal that Winter is fast approaching…and the change in seasons isn’t the only change happening around here. šŸ™‚

Change #1: I am unemployed…and it is completely God’s timing and plan! My last day of work was September 9th, when I was essentially forced to quit. What a blessing this has been! I had been praying for months for guidance from the Lord regarding His plan for me, regarding the next step that I should take.

I spent a day praying and fasting in August regarding my job, and the Lord told me (and those people I had asked to pray with me) “not yet–you must wait”…so I did. And He has proved yet again to be faithful! What will I do next? I have no idea. I do know that I don’t want to have a career in politics anymore–so now I have to figure out what God wants me to do. I know that I was brought to Pennsylvania for a reason (well, more than one!), and I am SO excited to see what God is going to do! šŸ™‚

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā Ā –Philippians 4:6-7

Change #2: Our new church has launched! The Well at East Shore had its inaugural gathering last Thursday night, and it is SO exciting to see how the Lord is working! This is not your typical church–and not just because we meet on Thursdays. Every third Thursday, we are going out to do community service projects–being the hands and feet of Jesus and “being” the church rather than just “doing” church. My job is to coordinate the projects, and I LOVE it. It’s SO awesome! Check out the link to learn more about what we are doing!

Change #3: I am dating an amazing, wonderful, Jesus-loving man! šŸ™‚ He is absolutely incredible, and I look forward to the future with great expectations!

I just thought I should update my blog since it’s been a month šŸ™‚

All in all, life is great…God is awesome…and I still love living in Pennsylvania. šŸ™‚

“We Speak To Nations”

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Every once in a while, a song pierces my heart and touches me so deeply that I am moved to tears. This morning, as I was driving to New York, I decided to finally listen to a CD that I’ve owned for years now. And I believe that was a God thing, because I discovered a song called “We Speak To Nations” by Israel Houghton…and the words absolutely resonated within my soul and moved me to tears because it speaks about my greatest passion: serving others and taking Christ to the nations.

Here are the lyrics…thank you, Lord, for songs like these that resonate so deeply within our souls and draw us nearer to you!

Hear the sound
The sound of the nations calling
Hear the sound
The sound of the fatherless crying
Who will go for us
Who will shout to the corners
Of the earth
That Christ is King

Chorus:

We speak to nations, "Be Open"
We speak to nations, "Fall On Your Knees"
We speak to nations,
"The Kingdom is com - ing near to you"
Oh,   we speak to strongholds, "Be Broken,"
"Powers of darkness, you have to flee"
We speak to nations,
"The Kingdom is com - ing near to you"
We speak to you, "Be free, yeah be free"

Hear the sound
The sound of the nations worshiping
Hear the sound
Of sons and daughters singing
We will go for you
We will shout to the cor - ners of   the earth
That Christ is King

From California to Pennsylvania…

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On July 14th, 2008, I drove away from Glendora, CA and the life I had known for seven years (and the state in which I had resided my entire life). My mom and I headed east, with maps in hand and a great adventure in store. But the biggest adventure awaited me at the end of the journey: building a new life in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania practically from scratch. With no job, no church, and a few friends in the Harrisburg area, I trusted the Lord and I took the first step with faith that He would prove to be faithful. Eight states and 3,000 miles later, I arrived!

A year ago today, I was saying tearful goodbyes to my best friends, and the people who had walked beside me through so many experiences. We had an evening of bluegrass and fellowship, sharing music and memories, and it was the perfect way to say goodbye to those I love. Today, I am surrounded by new friends who have blessed my life beyond my wildest dreams; friends who hold me accountable in my walk with the Lord and who are seeking Him fervently; friends who are so genuine, so loving, so encouraging…and God has shown His faithfulness through them.

A year ago today, I left my church in Glendora after being a part of it for six years. I came to Pennsylvania praying that the Lord would bring me a church where I could serve and grow, a church that was seeking to love Jesus more and to be Jesus to the community in everything they did…and He, again, blessed me beyond my wildest expectations! My church has truly become FAMILY to me…I love serving there, I love worshiping there, and I am SO blessed to be a part of East Shore Baptist Church! And God again showed His faithfulness here…

All of this came after I had spent many months praying for the Lord to make me uncomfortable–for Him to present situations that would create growth in my relationship with Him…and I never dreamed that would mean moving across the country to a relatively unknown place (I had only been to Harrisburg three or four times before I moved), leaving everything behind. But, that is sometimes what He requires of us! And I am so glad that He answered my prayers for discomfort, for the joy that has come from these experiences and from my deepened walk with Him is immeasurable.

People consistently ask me why on earth I would leave “wonderful California” for Pennsylvania…and the best answer I can give is this: God said to go! šŸ™‚ Pennsylvania is where I am called to be, and I love it more each and every day! Each state has its pros and cons, and no state is truly better than any other, in my opinion. After living in California for 25 years, I was more than ready to experience something new.

God is faithful, and when we listen to His voice, we are blessed beyond compare. :0)

Comparisons…

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I’ve learned something about myself in the past couple of weeks: I compare myself and my talents to others entirely too much…and because of that, I often have a lack of confidence in myself.

Example: Photography. I have some friends who are incredibly gifted “people photographers”, and I love to learn from their work. Since I tend to focus on scenic photography, taking pictures of people has been intimidating to me. I don’t have a lot of experience with it, which of course makes it uncomfortable. And the biggest problem, I think, has been that I compare my work to the work of others…and then I get frustrated when my pictures don’t look like theirs, instead of appreciating my work for what it is.

Another example: Guitar. When our worship pastor first asked me in January to play guitar for the worship team, I was beyond intimidated. Because I know so many incredibly talented guitar players, I have doubted my ability to play guitar for as long as I’ve been playing (13 years). I know I’m not the best–but I am willing to learn and grow and use my talent for the Lord. After I played that first week, I realized that I loved it, and I wasn’t terrible! I now look forward to being able to serve the Lord with my musical ability each week–and it doesn’t hurt that I get to sing each week, too (singing is the one gift in which I have no problem with confidence, LOL).

Between photographing the QuinceaƱeraĀ this weekend (people pictures) and playing piano for worship this morning (when I hadn’t played in public in about 10 years), I was challenged to step out of my comfort zone, and it made me realize how little confidence I have in myself sometimes. It didn’t go nearly as badly as I expected… šŸ™‚

It’s time to recognize that I am a beloved child of God, and I have gifts and abilities that He has given me…and if He calls me to use them, He will enable me to succeed. šŸ™‚ And all I have to do is say “yes” when He calls. šŸ™‚

Thoughts on Jon & Kate…

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Don’t worry–this is not going to be a speculation on their relationship or anything like that. šŸ™‚

Last night as I watched the “season premiere” of Jon & Kate +8, my heart was broken for this family. I cannot even imagine the stress and strain a couple would go through having eight kids at such a young age (they were in their twenties), nor can I imagine the challenges of living in the limelight while trying to raise your children to walk with the Lord. I also cannot imagine what it must feel like to have so many people start rumors and fill their trashy tabloid papers with pictures and stories that are completely false, trying to ruin your life.

But more than that, I realized something last night. I have lived with people over the years who followed every little tidbit of “celebrity gossip” that they could get their hands on, and I have never been a fan of such garbage. The Bible states that we should not gossip–and I believe that includes people that we don’t know! I’m not perfect in this area–please understand that–but it is something I have been working on for a few years now because I was so deeply convicted.

Last night, it occurred to me that we, as Christians, need to be praying for the Gosselin family. We don’t know the details of their strife, and it honestly doesn’t matter. The Lord knows what is going on in their hearts, and I have decided to pray for them rather than listen to the garbage that surrounds us regarding their relationship.

Can you imagine the difference that we as Christians could make in the lives of public figures by praying for them rather than gossiping about them? I read about a church once that decided to pray fervently for Britney Spears and wrote her letters filled with love and encouragement, rather than gossiping about her. What an amazing concept!!

So, this is where I’m at with the Gosselin family. They need our prayers–and we know that God can heal their relationship and restore peace to their family. Whether or not you agree with their decisions is irrelevant. Our brother and sister in Christ are in trouble, so let’s start praying!!

What I Was Made to Do…

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I’ve really been struggling lately with what I want to do with my life…actually, what God wants me to do with my life. I’ve realized that I don’t want a career in politics–which has surprised me, and everyone who knew me in college as the crazy, politically active girl. But I wouldn’t have known that if I had never tried it out!Ā 

I’ve been praying for guidance, for some hint from the Lord of what it is He has for me. I’ve known for years that I want to be a missionary, but until I pay off my student loans, that can’t happen. And that’s okay!Ā 

So I’ve been trying to figure out what job would allow me to use my God-given gifts/abilities/skills, while also engaging my passions…and I finally figured it out today (with God’s help, of course).

I want to plan/lead short-term mission trips!

Where else can I use my skills of event planning, photography, music/worship leading, while also doing what I’m most passionate about–serving others, telling others about Jesus, discipling students, traveling?! I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before! Leading the team to New Orleans last year was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. To spend my life leading others onto the mission field would be absolutely fabulous!Ā 

So, now the prayer continues, as I have to find someone to pay me to do this. šŸ™‚ APU has a full-time missions coordinator (actually, a whole office dedicated to that), so I know the job exists… šŸ™‚

Lord–lead me wherever you want me to go…

One Year Ago…

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pasign-1

One year ago today, I flew out to Pennsylvania to begin the process of moving. According to my driver’s license, tomorrow (April 16th) Ā is my “anniversary” of being a resident. šŸ™‚ It’s so crazy to think that it’s already been a year (kind of)! When I came out last April, I signed my lease (and met my roommate), began job-hunting, and got pneumonia. šŸ™‚ Besides the pneumonia, it was a great week out here!Ā 

God is SO good, and SO faithful.

Many people asked why I was moving to a new place, where I really didn’t know anyone, so far away from family…and I told them that I knew God would bring “family” into my life, and I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that He would take care of me. When I moved to Southern California, He brought “family” into my life. When I spent two summers in Williamsport, PA, He brought “family” into my life…

…and He most definitely has done the same for me here in Harrisburg! My church has become like family–and I absolutely adore them! There are a few families in particular who have really “adopted” me, and I have felt so loved, so appreciated…and I simply adore them. I have been blessed with having amazing roommates, amazing friends here in Pennsylvania…and I really can’t complain. šŸ™‚ I even survived my first “real” Winter! Haha.

Thank you, Lord, for leading me here to Pennsylvania…I am so blessed, far beyond I could have ever imagined! šŸ™‚

Forgiveness…

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In my quest to grow in my walk with the Lord, being “uncomfortable” has become a way of life for me over the past year and a half or so. And I have loved it! Has it been easy? Nope. Not at all. It seems like the Lord is continually bringing things into my life to spur growth, and to heal from past scars…and this week has been no exception.

Like every person, I’ve been hurt many times within my twenty-six years of life. Sometimes by individuals, sometimes by groups of people, sometimes by circumstances. Like many Christians, I have also been hurt/scarred/burned by people in the church, and I’ve found that those scars are the hardest to erase.

I’m really struggling these days with forgiving my former church. I’ve never really been a part of a “normal” or “healthy” church until I moved to Pennsylvania. My first church ended up splitting in a vicious, vindictive split when I was 17 (and I went to college before really being able to get involved in the new church, which is doing well and is healthy). The last church I was a part of is practically imploding right now, from reports I hear. And I’m honestly not surprised.Ā  The church has lacked true leadership for years, and I have long sensed that the Lord was trying to get the church’s attention, only to be ignored. That’s all I’ll say, as the details aren’t really the point of this post. I stayed at the church until the Lord called me to Pennsylvania…

The amount of bitterness that exists within my heart (and has existed for five or six years) seems to grow daily, despite my efforts to let it go and forgive them. I adore my new church, as it is the healthiest church I have ever been a part of, and it’s pretty much the opposite of my old church in every way…but, at the same time, each time something great happens at my new church, I am reminded of the bad things that happened (or the good things that were never allowed to happen) at my old church. And the bitterness returns. While I am blessed to have this new church family, blessed to be at a church who truly loves and serves the Lord and the community, and blessed to be at a church that embraces new ideas and doesn’t shoot them down for fear of “change”, my new church is also being used by God to force me to “forgive and forget” the many scars I have from my old church. And it’s not easy.

On Sunday alone, I heard two songs that directly spoke about forgiveness. The lines were: “I’m holding on to things I shouldn’t, and it’s time to let them go” (Brand New Day, by Fireflight) and “…forgiven so that I can forgive” (Majesty, by Delirious, I think). I know what I have to do, but I don’t know how to go about it.

I’m learning that forgiveness is not a passive act–it’s very much active. It’s a choice, yet it’s also a requirement from the Lord. When I think about all that the Lord puts up with from me–all my failings, my sins, my imperfections–and I remember that I am completely forgiven in His eyes, I am reminded that my grievances against my old church are NOTHING compared to all that He has forgiven…

“The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him.”—Daniel 9:9

I know that I learned SO much from my experience at my old church, even through the pain and the frustration. I’m trying to see the bigger picture–trying to see God’s purpose for the experience, while allowing the Lord to heal my wounds, which requires looking at the details so that I can forgive the people involved. I know that forgiving them is the only way to move on and the only way to become more like Jesus. I just don’t know how to let go.

And so the struggle continues…

Six Years…

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suzie_lesa

On March 23, 2003, a friend of mine took her own life unexpectedly.Ā  This story was covered by several news agencies around the country–including the San Francisco Chronicle (click here for the story) and Oprah.

Six years later, her family is still on a mission to ensure that those who use the Internet as a way to coerce others into committing suicide are punished.

Please take a few minutes to write to your Congressman regarding H.R. 853: “The Suzanne Gonzales Suicide Prevention Act of 2009”. It is currently going through Congress, and it is a great piece of legislation!

Please pray for her family, as this will no doubt be another rough day. Pray also that their mission to hold people accountable for their actions on the Internet is successful. Let’s do everything we can to prevent another tragic loss of life.

Click Here to View HR 853

I wrote this one year after the tragedy, if you want to read it.

Suzanne Michelle Gonzales

September 24, 1983-March 23, 2003

It has been one yearā€¦one year since that heartbreaking day when a young life was taken so suddenlyā€¦so tragicallyā€¦the life of a girl I had known since fourth gradeā€¦a girl who went trick-or-treating with meā€¦helped with our ā€œJump-Rope Olympicsā€ in fourth gradeā€¦my friend in G.A.T.Eā€¦.someone who could always make me smile, always make me laugh with her. Suzy was bright, funny, uniqueā€¦everyone knew who she wasā€¦she was extremely talented in so many areasā€¦Suzanne was a truly beautiful person in so many ways; but she did not see what everyone else saw.

The last time I saw her was June 7, 2001ā€¦Graduation day. We had a picture taken together, embracing, smiles on our facesā€¦so much to look forward to! We made promises to keep in touch, a promise that we kept for over a year. She was heading to Florida, to pursue meteorology, a dream she had when I first met herā€¦

It was in Mrs. Tranbargerā€™s class, fourth grade, Jackson Heights Elementary School. She was new to Red Bluff, and we became immediate friends. We were in Gifted and Talented Education together, we attended each otherā€™s birthday parties, and we spent our recess and lunch together in our group of friends. I remember going out to see her new house as it was being builtā€¦I remember the amazing view, and how excited she was to have her own bathroom, and the added excitement of being able to decorate it ā€œall by herself.ā€

She was one of the people who mocked me incessantly for years because I would not kiss Casey Coffman in the sandboxā€¦Casey ā€œasked me out,ā€ and after we had been dating for awhile (who knows how long it really was) he said that in order to be really girl-friend/boy-friend, we had to kiss. He told me to meet him at the sandbox at lunch one dayā€¦I took two friends with me to avoid kissing him, Suzy being one of them. They never let me live it down that I would not kiss him.

I will never forget the sandboxā€¦

I will never forget the tether-ball competitions we held in 6th gradeā€¦

I will never forget band with her, fourth through seventh grade. She played the alto saxophoneā€¦

I will never forget the Geography Beeā€™sā€¦or our Odyssey of the Mind teamā€¦prune juiceā€¦

High school did not grant us as many opportunities together, but our friendship was still strong. We had several classes togetherā€¦I loved to hear her insights, as they were often deep and profound. Whenever we met in the halls, she would stop and say helloā€¦little did I know that I would never get to say goodbye.

It was March 29th, 2003. I was at Huntington Beach with Leslie and Jessica. We had a wonderful day playing football and getting tan; my phone was in the car, and I had a voice message. It was my mom. I called her, and she told me to call her when I got home. Immediately, I knew someone had died. My mind raced to figure out who it wasā€¦but I never, ever expected to hear the name Suzanne Gonzales. I called my friends from home to find details, and when I found out it was suicide, I was completely and utterly devastatedā€¦shockedā€¦I could barely even cry because I wanted to believe that it was untrueā€¦

Her memorial service that May was filled to capacity, with many, myself included, standing. My pastor of 15 years officiated, which was a great comfort to me. It was a time of laughter and remembrance as we recalled stories and viewed pictures of this precious young womanā€™s lifeā€¦so short, someone abruptly taken from us.

I have many regretsā€¦I saw her online several times in the months before her death, but I did not talk with herā€¦I ā€œdidnā€™t have timeā€ to talk to anyone. Oh, how I would make the time today! I was unable to get together with her in Redding the December before she diedā€¦the things I would do to make that happen now. What could I have done? Probably nothingā€¦but now I would try! I would have bought a plane ticket for Florida that day had I known what was to become of herā€¦

In her online journal, she wrote this about me about a year before she passed away: “Lesa Close is really cool. She is the future Governor or California, I know it.” If only she had believed in herself that much! šŸ˜¦ Suzy was so intelligent, and had so much potential…

Today I wear a red ribbon with white polka-dots, just like the one they gave us at her funeral…just like her prom dress…

I miss you, Suzy. You were loved by so many people…we just never let you know…

Story about Suzy in the San Francisco Chronicle

She asked, in her online journal, to have this song played at her funeral…if you know the story behind it, you will see the thick irony…James Taylor wrote this after his friend, Suzanne, committed suicide while he was on tour…it was played at her memorial service, while photos were displayed on the screen.

Fire And Rain
By James Taylor

Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Suzanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just can’t remember who to send it to

I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain
I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I’d see you again

Won’t you look down upon me, Jesus
You’ve got to help me make a stand
You’ve just got to see me through another day
My body’s aching and my time is at hand
And I won’t make it any other way

Oh, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain
I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I’d see you again

Been walking my mind to an easy time my back turned towards the sun
Lord knows when the cold wind blows it’ll turn your head around
Well, there’s hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things to come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground

Oh, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain
I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I’d see you, baby, one more time again, now