Ten Years Since I Last Held You

Written by lesabrackbill

A Note for Tori

I cannot believe it’s been ten years since I last held you.

I hope you know how much we love you.

You’d love your little brothers (at least I think you would, but they’d probably annoy you as all siblings do). They ask about you all the time, they love giraffes, and we ensure that you are always remembered as part of our family in big and small ways. I see so much of what should have been in the way they play and grow. You are, and will always be, the big sister who paved the way.

While we wish our journey with you had been different, longer, less painful, I want you to know that we continue to be changed by our experience with you. Even now, I am growing and learning how to be a better human because of the lessons you left behind in my heart.

Your life continues to save others, Tori. It continues to change the world.

I used to think the measure of my love for you was how many people remembered your name. I thought that if I didn’t carve it into the stone of the system, I would somehow be letting you go—that your impact would be forgotten, and you would be forgotten along with it.

But ten years later, I finally understand: Impact doesn’t have to be remembered to be experienced.

Your name isn’t on the lab results for the families who are saved today.
Your face isn’t on the legislation that protects them.
And that is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

You taught me that the highest form of self-worth is being the invisible hand that fixes the road, focusing on the outcome and not the credit for doing the work. In fact, each of these threads in my new book can be traced back to you. Without ever speaking a word, you taught us the importance of these characteristics and changed us forever.

And now I am handing those lessons over to others to make their journey a little easier.

I miss you more than words can express, and I love you always.

—Mama

A Brighter Blueprint is available today!

To commemorate this milestone of ten long years since we said our final goodbye to Tori, my new book is out today. It felt like the most meaningful way to honor her because this book shares the lessons we learned because of her short life and the advocacy that has continued.

I truly believe this is the brighter blueprint we all need as we travel roads we did not choose.

I also feel it’s important to note that authors do not write to make money. The royalties are marginal. That’s what helps me feel better about marketing my own books 😉 I truly write to help others, and to help others change the world.

There are several ways to get a copy:

Direct from the Author

(Best value for U.S. residents) 

For the most affordable price, please order through my Etsy shop. And, TODAY only, if you purchase both Even So, Joy and A Brighter Blueprint, use code TORI20 to receive a 20% discount!

If you are local to Hershey, use code LOCAL at checkout for free pickup!

Major Retailers 
(Note that I have little control over pricing)

You can find the book in hardcover, paperback, and ebook formats here: 

Amazon

Other Retailers

Support Independent Bookstores 

If you value supporting local and independent shops, these are excellent options: 

International Orders 

  • Canada: Order directly through Indigo or Amazon
  • For other international regions, please check your local Amazon marketplace. 

Coming Soon: Audiobooks 

Prefer to listen on the go? The audiobook version of A Brighter Blueprint is currently in production and will be available soon on Audible, Apple Books, and other major audio platforms. Stay tuned for the official release date! 

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